Not Quite Right
by Love A Skoner
Summary: A fan becomes Stephanie Plum. She starts to change the story to how she wants it to go. Is she stuck there? Read to find out how she deals with Steph's life and most importantly Ranger.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own any of the Plum Characters, they are the property of Janet Evanovich, I have just borrowed them. Any other characters that you don't recognize are mine._

**Not Quite Right**

By

Kole

Chapter 1

My name is Kole. I am obsessed with the Stephanie Plum novels. So one day when I saw a shooting star I just had to wish to be her, to be in her world. Well, I didn't really expect it to work.

So when I woke up in a hospital bed with a very attractive Italian man calling me Stephanie you can imagine my confusion.

"Who are you?" I asked.

He looked shocked as he said, "Joe, Cupcake, I'm Joe. Don't you remember?"

Whoa. Freaky. Hot Italian man, named Joe, calling me Stephanie and Cupcake. It cant be happening. As much as he looked exactly like I pictured him, I just couldn't believe it. Joe Morelli.

"Who am I?" I asked. Just wanted to see if I was thinking the right thing.

"Stephanie Plum." he answered, looking sad.

Oh My God. Stephanie Plum! I cant believe it! I'm Stephanie Plum! My wish came true. I was doing a little happy dance in my head when something occurred to me. What book am I in?

That thought made me worry a little. As much as I enjoy the books, there are some I really don't want to be involved in. Never mind, I'll figure it as I go. I have all the books memorized so it shouldn't be hard to stop the bad parts from happening. But I do want to change some things.

"I'm getting the doctor." Joe started to leave.

"No!….don't. I'm fine now. What happened?" I asked.

He looked unsure for a second then answered, "You were chasing a skip and he threw you against a wall."

Ouch. No wonder my head hurt. I was excited to start being Steph. Although it is going to be weird being called that. Hopefully people don't realize that I'm not her.

"I drank a bottle of Maalox when I heard about this." Joe said. Jeez, no are you ok?, I was worried?

"Your job is too dangerous. When are you going to quit. This is getting ridiculous! When are you going to grow up?!?…" he started yelling. I tuned him out. So this is how Steph feels when he starts in on her. Why does she stay with him?

There was a knock at the door and in walks the most gorgeous man I have ever seen. In all black SWAT-like clothes and his long dark hair pulled in a ponytail. Defiantly, Cuban sex god.

"Ranger." I breathed.

"Babe." he said, amused.

"You, ok?" he asked.

"Peachy keen." I replied, smiling at him. He almost smiled back. Now I understood what Steph said about the ghost of a smile thing he did.

"Oh sure. You remember him. I'm gonna take you home, Cupcake. So you can get some rest." Joe said, clearly angry. Me and Ranger both turned to look at him. Ranger still looking at me as well.

Well, I wasn't Stephanie and I don't take crap from people.

"No Joe. I'm not going home with you. You haven't even asked if I was ok. You just started in on how me getting hurt affected you. Well, you don't have to worry about that anymore, Joe." I said, calmly.

"What do you mean?" Joe asked, his eyes narrowing.

"I mean, I'm done Joe. I'm done settling. You aren't what I want and I'm not what you want." he started to interrupt, I held up my hand to stop him. " I know you love me and I love you too but not the way I should. And you don't really love me either, you love who you think I should be." I said.

"I'm not what you want?" he ground out through his teeth. "This is because of him isn't it?!?" he screamed while pointing at Ranger. I wanted to laugh I really did.

"See Joe. That's my point right there. After all I said to you, you only heard what you want to hear. And no its not because of Ranger. Its because of me." I said getting off the bed. Luckily I was still in my clothes, well Stephanie's clothes.

Joe looked furious and dumbfounded. I walked up to Ranger and asked him to drive me home. He nodded. With a smile we walked out of the hospital. I was going to have some fun here, I thought my smile widening.

Now I just have to figure out what book I'm in and make Ranger fall in love with me. Muah hahaha. Sorry random evil laughter. I do that sometimes.

As we walked out of the hospital doors, Ranger put his arm around my shoulder and said, "Proud of you, Babe"

I almost died of happiness right there. Too bad I wasn't who he thought I was. He helped me into his black Porsche. I sunk into the seat and sighed. Man, I love this car. He got in the drivers seat and drove me to a building I'm assuming is my apartment, in his zone. Hunh, he really does go into a zone. He helped out of the car and handed me a big black bag, I'm guessing is my purse.

He walked me up to my door and walked in. Probably to check for Psychos. I walked into the kitchen and looked at the small apartment. He really was exactly how Janet described it. Bare. I would do something about that. As soon as I got money that is.

Ranger walked out of what I'm assuming is the bedroom and backed me up against the counter. His lips almost touching mine. I thought I might have a heart attack.

He tucked a stray hair behind my ear and said, "Be careful, Babe" then he left. Grr, why didn't he kiss me? I have been imagining a kiss from Ranger for so long and I almost had it. I sighed and then walked over to the cage on my counter. Rex. Yep he was in there, looking at me with his beady little eyes.

I shook my head at him and went to the bathroom and got a shower. After looking at myself in the mirror for a long time, trying to get used to the new me, I finally collapsed into bed.

My last thought before I fell asleep was, _God, I hope I can do this._


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer:**__I do not own any of the Plum Characters, they are the property of Janet Evanovich, I have just borrowed them. Any other characters that you don't recognize are mine._

_**AN: **__Wow. Thanks for all the great reviews. I didn't think it would be such a big hit already._

**Not Quite Right**

By

Kole

Chapter 2

I woke up to my alarm clock ringing. I swatted at it, trying to make it shut up. Finally I hit it, sending it falling to the floor with a loud clang. Well I'm up now.

I looked around the room, thinking this isn't my bedroom. Where am I?

Then I remembered, I'm not me. I looked down. Yep. Not me. Stephanie.

I climbed out of bed and into the bathroom. After getting a quick shower, I was standing in front of the mirror trying to figure out what to do with this hair. It really was as wild and crazy as Janet described. Not finding anything to do with it, I just threw it up in a ponytail.

I walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. Nothing. She has nothing in here. Great, now I have to get food as well. I really should of seen this coming. She never has food in the books.

I did find some grapes and I gave some to Rex.

"Well Rex, I may not be your mommy but I'll take good care of you. Now I need to find out where the bonds office is. You wouldn't happen to know would you?" I said to him, hoping for an answer I knew I wouldn't get.

Luckily, I found Steph's laptop. Go me. Mapquest here I come.

I printed off directions from Steph's..err, my apartment to Vinnie's and Rangeman. To bad I didn't know her parent's address. God, what am I supposed to do about her parents? Guess I'll figure that out as I go as well.

Getting dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, grabbing keys which I guess are to the apartment and car, I was out the door. I did notice that these jeans were hard to button. I'm going to have to start exercising. Get this body into shape.

I walked out of my apartment building and there I saw it. Big Blue. You couldn't miss it. It defiantly was ugly as sin. Big and ugly. Going to have to get myself a new car as well I see. Shaking my head I got in and made my way to the bonds office.

Sitting in my parked car looking in the front window of the bonds office, I could see a big black woman and a woman who slightly resembled Betty Boop in a way. Lula and Connie. This is where the trouble lies, friends.

Friends can tell when something's wrong or different. What if they know I'm not Stephanie? I can try and act like her but I will always be me. No matter how hard I try I'm not Steph. So, should I act or just be myself?

I'm thinking about this too much. I'll just be myself and hope they don't notice anything's different. I am sort of like Steph, so hopefully it will go unnoticed.

After my little debate and a small pep talk, I walked into the office. They both looked up at me as I entered.

"How are you, Steph?" Connie asked.

"Ya you hit that wall real hard ,white girl." Lula added.

"I'm fine." I said with a wave of my hand and what I hope was a reassuring smile. They studied me for a moment before going back to whatever they were doing before I came in.

"Here, new files. That one looks tough. If you don't think you can do it I'll give it to Ranger." Connie said, handing me two files.

I sat on the couch and looked them over. One was a first offense, shoplifting. Marissa Silvers, a 34 year old woman had stolen a pair of shoes. An easy one.

The other file was, Henry Michaels. Charged with assault and attempted rape. I looked at the picture, he was a big guy and he looked kind of scary. Well, here's where 5 years of self-defense and kick-boxing comes in handy. I've taken down bigger guys then him before.

"Hey Lula, you want to ride with me?" I asked her.

"You bet your skinny ass I wanna come with you. Someone needs to protect you. Be your backup." she said grabbing her bag. "But we be taken my car. I cant be seen in that thing." she added.

I nodded at her and called bye to Connie on our way out the door. This worked out better then I could of hoped. I had the gun I had found in the cookie jar and Steph's stun gun in my purse. With Lula driving I wont have to let her know that I have no idea where anything is in Trenton.

* * *

We pulled up in front of Marissa's house and I slipped my stun gun into my jacket pocket, just in case. As I got out of the car Lula said, "I got yo back!" while pulling out her gun.

"I don't think we are going to need the gun right now Lula. You can use it on the next one." I told her.

"Hunh," she said, putting the gun away. We walked to the front door with Lula grumbling under her breath about her gun. I shook my head and knocked. Marissa Silvers answered the door.

"Hello, my name is K…Stephanie Plum. I work for Vincent Plum Bail Bonds. You missed your court date and need to reschedule." I told her. Luckily Lula didn't notice my almost slip.

"Oh. I don't really think that's necessary. It was just shoes. I just needed a new pair because I had a date. I couldn't afford them but they were just so hot I had to have them." Marissa said.

"Damn Skippy." Lula said.

"I understand," I said. "but we really do need to take you to reschedule. It will only take a little while."

She sighed and finally agreed. We locked up her house and put her in the back of Lula's Firebird. Off we went to the police station. We talked about shoes and dates on the way.

As we were taking Marissa into the station a thought hit me, crap, _I hope I don't have to see Joe._


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own any of Janet Evanovich's Characters, although I would gladly take Ranger off her hands._

_**AN: **__Thanks for the reviews. You make me want to write more. So keep em coming. =D_

**Not Quite Right**

By

Kole

Chapter 3

I took Marissa in, Lula refused to come in. I forgot about her fear of cops. I was waiting for my body receipt when a cop came over and gave me a hug.

"Hey Steph, I heard you broke up with Joe. How are you feeling? Your head hurt?" he asked me. Ok, I have no idea who this is. I think it might be Eddie but Steph knows almost all the cops. It could be anyone.

"I'm good, thanks." I replied. "Also, I did break up with Joe, for good this time."

He smiled and me and nodded. I heard someone come up behind me.

"Eddie." Joe said as way of greeting.

"Joe. Well, see you around Steph." the man I now know is Eddie replied. I gave him a little finger wave as he left and turned to face Joe.

"What are you doing here, Cupcake?" he asked me.

"Dropping off a skip." I replied. I turned to walk away. Joe grabbed my wrist and pulled me up against him.

"When you cool off, call me. The boys miss you." he whispered in my ear. I was angry that he didn't take me seriously yesterday but, I was furious he had used that line 'the boys miss you'. I have always hated that line. It makes me want to slap him. Since I was in the middle of the cop shop I just pushed him off me.

"Joe, I'm not going to be cooling off. Or calling you, ever again. Keep your hands off me." I said and turned and walked out to Lula with my body receipt in hand. Furious. I was surprised to find Lula still there waiting for me. In the books it seems she always leaves Steph there.

"You waited." I pointed out.

"Course I waited. Why wouldn't I? We still gotta go after tha' Michaels guy. You need me there. I'm your partner. I'd never leave you hangin'" Lula said. Although I suspected the only reason she stayed was because I said she could use her gun on Michaels.

* * *

We were parked in front of the house of Henry Michaels. I let Lula look at his file and she whistled.

"Girl, you sure you don't wanna give this one to Batman? He don't look to friendly." Lula said, hopefully. I was angry though, at Morelli. I wanted to take my anger out on someone. I was hoping he would fight. An evil grin spread across my face as I looked over at Lula, she gulped.

"I don't need Ranger's help on this Lula. I can handle it, you can even stay in the car if you want." I offered her.

"You look like you be hoping he fights ya." she pointed out. I just smiled at her and left my bag on the seat, putting my gun in the back of my jeans. I grabbed my handcuffs as well.

I knocked on his door and a big guy answered the door, Henry Michaels.

"What do you want?" he asked, angry.

"My names Stephanie Plum, I work for Vincent Plum's Bail Bonds. You missed your court date you need to reschedule." I said politely.

He tried to slam the door shut, but I put my foot in the door to stop it. Then he took off running out the back door. I ran after him and tackled him in the backyard. I stood up and started to take the handcuffs out of my pocket to cuff him when he stood up.

"Stupid Bitch!" he yelled as he tried to hit me. I ducked out of the way and swung my legs out bringing him back to the ground. I quickly cuffed his hands behind his back and stood him up.

He was angry and fighting to get out of the cuffs, I just smiled and tightened my grip on his arm. I lead him outside to Lula's car and shoved him into the backseat. He complained on the ride back to the cop shop.

I was getting annoyed with him so I turned around and shot him my death glare and told him to shut up. He got quiet real quick. My mom always said I had a death glare that could make a grown man pee himself. I was happy it still worked in Steph's body. I turned back around in the seat and relaxed and listened to Lula's music.

Lula kept looking at me from the corner of her eye the whole ride. I ignored it till after I had got back to the car from getting my body receipt. Luckily, I didn't run into anyone Stephanie apparently knew this time. I had made $300, today. Whoo hoo. I could get groceries now and maybe some pans and stuff. Unlike Steph, I love to cook. I will just have to be careful not to let anyone see me cooking. That would be suspicious.

On the way back to the bonds office, Lula asked me how I managed to get Henry to come so quick without getting covered in garbage. I told her I had been exercising lately and he hadn't really been as strong as he looked. She snorted at the exercise part but said she guessed it was good that I was, since she had noticed the my pants were snug. I wanted to get angry, but I really couldn't, it was true.

I was so happy that she didn't seem to think there was anything weird with me. Well, if she did she didn't say anything. When we got to the bonds office, I gave Connie my body receipts and she gave me my checks. She was a little surprised that I had gotten Michaels but tried to hide it. I did another little happy dance in my head.

I had gotten into Big Blue and found somewhere to cash my checks. I also found a grocery store. Go me! I went shopping spending almost all of my money on food and stuff I would need to cook and then made my way back to my apartment to make dinner. I felt like I had a pretty good day. I cant wait to see what tomorrow brings.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own any of Janet Evanovich's Characters, although I would gladly take Ranger off her hands._

**Not Quite Right**

By

Kole

Chapter 4

I woke up early this morning and went running. I only made it two miles today, I felt like I was dieing. I forgot this body wasn't used to much exercise, ugh. I'll be sore tomorrow. After I had gotten a shower and did my hair and got dressed, I was on my way out the door.

I stopped to get donuts on the way to the bonds office. Lula was already there and when I set the box of donuts on the desk she pounced on them. I managed to grab two before she ate them all. Connie got two as well.

"Got any skips for me?" I asked Connie. I was enjoying this job more then I thought I would.

"Just Mooner." she replied, handing me his file. I smiled. I always wanted to see if Mooner really was as…weird, as Janet described. He always sounded fun.

I sat on the couch in the office and ate my donuts, talking with the girls. Just as I finished eating, the inner office door opened and a man who looked a little like a ferret stuck his head out and screamed, "I don't pay you to sit around talking all day! Go catch some skips!"

Vinnie. I knew it was him and yet it still surprised me, he looked like someone who would like ducks. He was really creepy. Then I started laughing. Everyone turned to look at me and then the girls got wide eyed looks on their faces. I was still laughing when I turned around and there was Ranger.

"What's so funny, Babe?" he asked. I tried to stop laughing to answer him.

"Ducks." I managed to choke out. This earned me a smile from Ranger, not a full blown smile but still a smile. Man, could he smile.

"Babe." he said. I could see the amusement in his eyes. My laughter had finally stopped now and I just smiled at Ranger. He took the files Connie had held out to him and asked me if he could talk to me outside. I agreed.

I am really hoping that he is going to kiss me in the alley like he does Steph. I really want a Ranger kiss. I follow him out to the alley and he pushes me up against the wall and molds his body to mine. What an amazing body he has, let me tell you. He studies me for a few seconds.

"You ok, Babe?" he asked. Uh oh. Hopefully he doesn't know anything's different.

"Fine. Why do you ask?" I said. Trying my best to look confused.

"There's just something different about you." he replied. I smile at him, while I was doing cartwheels in my head. He noticed I was different. Woo! Go me. Wait. Crap. As much as him caring enough to know I'm not me makes me happy, it's also not good. I cant tell him, he'd lock me up for sure.

"I'm fine, Ranger. Really. I'm just showing the real me." I told him. He looked confused before his blank face slammed down. I don't like his blank face, add another thing to my to-do list. Make Ranger show emotions.

He nodded at me and then disappeared. I'm getting a little upset here. Where in the hell is my Ranger kiss!? He kisses Steph every chance he gets but me, nope. Grr. This is frustrating. I am determined to get that kiss.

After I stopped talking to myself, I went back into the office and grabbed my purse. I said bye to the girls on my way out, ignoring their questioning stares. Using my trusty map, I made my way to Mooner's house. He was exactly like I hoped. He said he could come because his show had just ended.

"That's good because I go to my ninja class after this." I told him.

"Dude." he said, while giving me a high-five. At least he gets me. I dropped him off and called Connie to get him rebonded. After I dropped Mooner back at his house I went back to the bonds office.

On my way there, my cell phone rang. The caller id said "MOM". Uh oh. I hesitantly answered with a , "hello?"

"Stephanie, you need to come to dinner tonight. We are having pot roast." she demanded.

"Sorry. Cant. I um…"I said. Then I got a really evil idea. "I have a date with a man named Daphne. He says his wife likes to spice things up every now and then so he invited me over." I heard her gasp, right before I hung up and proceeded to laugh hysterically. I might regret that but I think it was so worth it.

I pulled into the bonds office and went in. Connie gave me my check.

"Hey you guys want to go out tomorrow night? I feel like dancing. Know any good places?" I asked them.

"Sure." Connie replied.

"Hell yah. I know a place, lots of dancing and hot guys, and now that you got rid of Supercop you be needing a new guy. Its called _The Bronze,_ it just opened." Lula enthusiastically replied.

"Good. But, I do not need a new guy. I got rid of Joe because I have my eyes on someone else." I said. Not realizing my mistake until it was too late.

Both girls squealed loudly. Then at the same time Connie said , "Ranger!" as Lula said, "Batman!"

"Why do you just assume it's Ranger. Maybe I met someone else." I said. They shot me disbelieving looks. I sighed, yeah right of course its Ranger.

"You cant say anything. To. Any. One." I threatened. They nodded , then squealed again.

I left for the day and went home feeling defeated. Expecting everyone to know, that I am now trying to get Ranger, in 10 minutes, if what I read about them and the grapevine is true. Guess I'll find out later. For now I plan on sitting in front of the television and watching a horror movie and just relaxing. I can worry about Steph's mother, Ranger, and who is going to try kill me, tomorrow.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own the Stephanie Plum series. _

_**AN: **__Last name changed for story._

**Not Quite Right**

By

Kole

Chapter 5

The next morning I woke up and went for a run. I ran the same amount I did yesterday and went back home to get a shower. Since it was early I made myself a big breakfast. With eggs and bacon and pancakes. Don't judge me, I was hungry and getting a little homesick.

I love it here I really do but I miss my family and my friends. Hmm, I wonder if I can find myself or my friends at least. Maybe I can use the computer at Rangeman. I'll have to ask Ranger.

After I ate, I got dressed and made my way over to the bonds office. Lula and Connie were there already. I walked in and asked Connie if she had any skips for me.

"None today." she replied, shaking her head. How am I supposed to get money if people keep going to their court dates? I left but not before asking Lula if she wanted to go to the mall with me later. She enthusiastically agreed. I told her I would pick her up later. I was sitting in my car and I pulled out my cell phone and called Ranger.

"Yo." he said.

"Yo. I was wondering you could run a search on a couple people for me?" I asked.

"Sure, Babe. What's the names?" Ranger asked.

"Kole Pierce, Jenny Parks, and Keri Golden." I said.

"Who are they?" he asked.

"Um..It's a long story."

"I'll bring whatever I find over later." he said, then hung up.

Ok another thing to add to my to-do list, teach Ranger phone skills. I put my phone back in my bag and decided to drive around a little and try and get an idea of where things were.

I drove around for awhile and found the more important places, like the mall and such. I looked at the clock and saw the time. I had to go get Lula and go shopping, I needed a new outfit for tonight. I made my way to the bonds office, thinking about my situation. I didn't know how long this was going to last but I was here and I was going to make the most of it.

I had just pulled into the bonds office when Lula jumped in the car.

"Come on, white girl. We got shopping to do!" she exclaimed.

I smiled at her and drove off to the mall. Lula kept asking me where I went, I couldn't really tell her I went driving around because I didn't know where anything was, so I told her I had to go see someone. Then she got more curious. I'm going to have to be more careful with what I say from now on.

We pulled into the mall's parking lot before I had to answer her though and she got distracted by shoes. We were looking for outfits for tonight. I was excited. I loved to dance, I have taken lessons since I was 6.

We were looking in Macy's, at the dresses. I turned and there it was. The perfect dress for tonight. It was gorgeous. It was a blood red, spaghetti strap dress with an uneven hemline. I found one in my size and went to the dressing rooms to try it on. It fit me perfectly. It hugged all my curves and looked sexy. The hem started at my thigh and cut down on an angle. It was defiantly the perfect dress, now I just needed shoes.

"Damn, girl. That dress looks like it was made for you. You better be buying it." Lula said from behind me. I looked over at her and she was wearing a bright red dress that looked amazing on her. I smiled at her.

"Of course I'm buying this dress. You have to buy that one as well. You look amazing." I told her. She smiled a huge smile and went back to change.

"Now we need to find the perfect shoes!" Lula said, as she came out of the dressing room. She grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the shoes.

It didn't take us long before we found the perfect shoes. Lula got some bright red FMPs. I found I pair of black FMPs with a small heel so I could still dance in them. They had black ribbons that wrapped halfway up my calf. We paid for our purchases and went back out to the car.

"I'll pick you up around 9, tonight." Lula told me.

"Ok. I'll be ready. I can't wait, it s been too long since I've been dancing." I told her as we pulled up to the bonds office. She grabbed her bags and went straight to her car. It was already 6, so I went home.

I went home and started dinner. I turned the radio on and listened while I cooked.

The song Thinking of You by Katy Perry came on and I started singing along while I cooked. I was making Pasta e Olio. Its pasta and olive oil, heady with garlic and seasoned with parsley and red pepper flakes. Its amazing. I was too distracted that I didn't notice the front door open or someone standing there watching me.

"Babe." Ranger said. I screamed and jumped around clutching my chest.

"Ranger! You scared that crap out of me!" I yelled at him, as I tried to calm down my rapidly beating heart. He just looked at me like I had three heads. I didn't understand why.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own the Stephanie Plum series. _

**Not Quite Right**

By

Kole

Chapter 6

"Since when do you cook, Babe?" he asked. Oh crap. I forgot about that. Of course he's confused, I would be as well.

"I, uh, I learned how to make some things recently." I told him, hoping he didn't catch my lie.

He looked at me almost as if he was trying to decide if I was lying or not. He didn't get a chance to answer me cause my food was done. I went over to the stove and got a plate and sat at the table and started eating.

"You want some?" I asked Ranger.

Surprisingly, he did got a plate as well and sat down opposite me. He took a bite and I thought I saw a look of surprise fly across his face before he hid it.

"This is really good." he told me. I smiled and thanked him, as we continued to eat. If he was curious about my sudden cooking expertise he wasn't showing it, then again he rarely shows emotion.

"Did you come here for a reason?" I asked him.

"I brought you those files you asked for." he replied, motioning to the table by the door that now had a files on it.

"That was fast, thanks." I told him. He studied me for a second then nodded, barely.

We ate the rest of our meal in a comfortable silence. I put the dishes in the sink and turned around and Ranger was holding out the stack of files for me.

I opened the top file that had my name on it, Kole Peirce. I started reading and it said everything about me and then at the bottom it said the worst thing ever. Deceased. It said I had died.

I started hyperventilating. I couldn't breath. I dropped the files and heard Ranger say something as everything faded to black.

I woke up in a bed that I didn't recognize for a second, then I remembered it was Stephanie's bed. My bed, now. I sat up and looked around. I heard a noise in the living room so I went in there to see Ranger picking up the files I had dropped. I must not of been out very long.

"Babe." Ranger said, once he stood up and noticed me there. He walked over to me and steered me onto the couch.

"What?" I asked him.

"Babe, you fainted. Why did this cause that reaction?" he asked, as he put the file containing the information about me on the table in front of me. I couldn't tell him, he wouldn't believe me.

"I knew her." I said. Its not really a lie.

"What else?" he asked. He looked at me like he knew there was something I wasn't telling him. Should I tell him?

Ranger looked at me like he was trying to read my mind. To figure out what I was hiding.

"It's just that, well, her being dead shocked me. I used to know her, I was extremely close to her. Her being dead just changes some things." I told him, trying my best not to lie but also not to tell him the truth. As much I wanted to tell him, I couldn't. Not yet.

He looked like he didn't believe me but knew that was all he would get for now. I felt horrible for keeping it from him, but I needed him to realize I'm not Steph anymore. He needs to learn to trust the new me before he will believe me. If he ever does.

"Babe, I don't know what you're hiding, just know that I'm here if you need anything." Ranger told me. He looked like he was debating beating the truth out of me or waiting until I tell him. I'm hoping for the latter.

I smiled and nodded at him. He looked at me for a minute longer before his phone buzzed.

"Yo." he answered.

"Be there in ten." he said, after listening for a minute. He snapped his phone shut, told me he had to go and disappeared.

Shaking my head I went to get a shower to get ready for my girls night out. I couldn't wait.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own the Stephanie Plum series. _

_**AN: **__Sorry if my timelines are off. Such as when she started working at Rangeman or when she met Tank. I kept changing my mind on what book I wanted to do. I have decided so hopefully I wont mess up anymore. Sorry for the confusion._

**Not Quite Right**

By

Kole

Chapter 7

I had just finished getting ready when I heard Lula pull into my lot. Her music was shaking the windows, it was pretty hard not to hear her. I grabbed my purse and ran out to her car.

"Damn, girl. You look hot." Connie said, from the backseat as I got in the car. I looked her over, she was wearing a black dress.

"Thanks. You look pretty amazing as well." I told her. She smiled and I looked over at Lula. She look amazing in her dress. I told her, well more like screamed it at her. She just smiled and nodded.

It didn't take us long to get to the club. The line to get in was really long. We walked past the bouncer, to get in line, and he stopped us. He told us we could just go in. I smiled and thanked him as we walked in.

The club was dark and there was loud music playing and lights flashing. We found a table a little away from the dance floor so we could hear each other and ordered some drinks. It wasn't long before we were dancing. We started out dancing together. After two songs, a tall, yummy man with dark hair and dark eyes, asked me to dance. We danced for a few songs before I went to dance with other people.

We were there until one. Me and Lula left together, while Connie went home with some guy she had been dancing with all night. We had fun, I learned a lot about the girls and got to dance. Lula dropped me off and when I got up to my apartment, I changed and went right to sleep.

When I woke up the next morning, I did my morning routine. Run, shower, eat. Then I went to the bonds office. The girls looked tired from our night out, although Connie still had a smile on her face. It didn't take a genius to know why that was. There was only one skip. Punky Balog.

Punky Balog was wanted for grand theft auto. Punky Balog was also in book nine. A book I really hated, it was the one with the murder game.

I sat down on the couch in shock. I think I was hyperventilating, just thinking about everything that is supposed to happen in the ninth book had me terrified. I felt someone pushing my head between my knees, it took a minute but I could finally breathe again. When I looked up there was Ranger. He was looking at my file.

"You know him?" he asked.

"No." I said. Ranger looked at me incredulously. I really didn't need him to be more suspicious of me.

"Then, what had you so scared?" he challenged.

"I was just thinking of something else. He," I said, gesturing to the file Ranger was now holding, "just reminded me of it." I told him. I noticed Connie and Lula were watching our interaction.

"What had you scared then?" he asked. Of course, he couldn't just drop it.

"Its nothing important, yet. When it gets important, I'll tell you." I promised him. He didn't look to happy about this, but he seemed to understand that was all he would get for now. As much as I could use his help, I wasn't sure what he would say if I told him everything now. He nodded, then went into Vinnie's office. The girls gave me what-the-hell-is-going-on looks and just shook my heads at them. They didn't look to happy that I wasn't telling them but left it alone.

I picked up Punky's folder and asked Lula if she wanted to come with me to pick him up. She agreed and we left, in Lula's car. If I remember correctly Punky was naked and covered in Vaseline when Steph went to bring him in. I am not the type of person that gets covered in Vaseline and I defiantly did not want to see him naked either. I would have to find a way around that.

It wasn't long before we were pulling up in front of Punky's house. Lula was surprisingly quite through the ride. I wasn't sure if it was because she was trying to figure out what was wrong with me or because of the loud music.

When we got there Punky was indeed naked and mooning us from his upstairs window. Defiantly something I never wanted to see. Ewwww.

"Think he knows we're out here, think maybe he's trying to tell us something." Lula said. Then Punky turned around and started jumping around. It was like a train wreck, you couldn't look away no matter how hard you tried. I remembered the problem with Lula going in the wrong house from the book and I figured since he was upstairs it would be ok if we both went in the front door.

The take down went smoother than it did in the book, mostly because I knew what was going to happen and I had more training than Steph. In the end, Punky ended up in the back of Lula's firebird covered with a blanket. Lula and Punky were both covered in Vaseline, because I tripped Punky and forgot to tell Lula that he was covered in Vaseline before she jumped on him. I was trying not to laugh on our way to drop him off and Lula was muttering and shooting Punky death glares.

We were almost to the cop shop when my phone rang, it was Grandma Mazur. She told me 'my' mother had locked herself in the bathroom and she thought might have died. I remembered this from the book.

"She's not dead. She's listening to music with a headset on, trust me. She'll be out soon enough." I told her.

"How do you know? She could be dead." she continued.

"I just know. She isn't dead. I gotta go, I'm working." I said. After a long goodbye, I finally got her off the phone just as we were pulling up to the cop shop. It didn't take long to get Punky booked and to get my body receipt. Luckily, Lula was still there when I got out. Lula grumbled and shot me death glares on our way to the bonds office. I let her because inside I was laughing hysterically.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own the Stephanie Plum series. _

**Not Quite Right**

By

Kole

Chapter 8

When we got to the bonds office, Lula dropped me off and went home to get cleaned up. When I got inside, I noticed there two women sitting in the chairs in front of Connie's desk. They were here about Samuel Singh.

"We've got trouble, there's an article in the paper today about Vinnie." Connie said.

"About the visa bond he wrote for Samuel Singh?" I asked, already knowing the answer. She nodded and handed me the paper, I looked at picture accompanying the feature.

"This is Mrs. Apusenja and her daughter Nonnie." Connie said. " Mrs. Apusenja rented a room to Singh."

The two women were staring at me, I looked down and noticed I had a little Vaseline on my sleeve where I had bumped against Lula. I sighed, at least I wasn't covered in it.

"And this is Stephanie Plum, she's one of our bond enforcement agents." Connie told the Aspusenjas. " What the hell you got on your arm?"

"Vaseline. Balog was covered with it. Lula landed on him and got covered and I happened to brush against her while I was helping her get him in the car." I told her.

"That sounds sexual." Mrs. Apusenja said. "I am a moral woman. I do not want to get involved with this." She clapped her hands over her ears. " I am not hearing this filth."

I rolled my eyes at her and said, "There's no filth." I would of tried to tell her what happened but I was sure that would just make me angry.

Nonnie pulled her mother's hands away. "Listen to these people, we need them to help us." she said.

"Mrs. Apusenja is here about Singh's disappearance." Connie said.

"This is true, we are very worried. He was an exemplary young man." Mrs. Apusenja said. I snorted, yeah right. He was part of a murder game and he stole their dog to go live with another woman. The Apusenjas shot me dirty looks, I just smiled at them.

"We think something happened to him, he just disappeared. Poof." Nonnie said. I knew she really only cared about her dog. They told me what happened and Connie called Vinnie to come and deal with the 'situation'. I wasn't sure where Vinnie had gone because he was here when I left, but I figured I really didn't want to know.

It wasn't long before Ranger came in the front door, Vinnie had called him to help. Ranger was looking yummy as ever as he walked toward a chair next to me.

He looked at my sleeve, "Babe?" he asked.

"Its Vaseline." I told him.

"I am thinking it must be something sexual," Mrs. Apusenja said. "No one has told me otherwise. I am thinking this one must be a slut."

I whipped my head around and glared at her. She shrunk back a little and her eyes widened. " I am not a slut." I said, in a scary calm voice. The whole office was quiet, looking at me with wide eyes. Oops. I guess that isn't something Steph would of done. I smiled sheepishly and shrugged.

Luckily, the font door opened and Vinnie and Lula came in saving me the trouble of explaining. I gave a relieved sigh and Ranger shot me a look that clearly said 'this isn't over'. I slumped in my chair, guess I wasn't going to be able to keep it from him too much longer. Sometimes, I really hate that he is so observant.

Vinnie freaked out for a while and then got the refresher course on Singh. He worked at TriBro Tech during the week and spent most of his time on his computer. I was really dreading going to TriBro Tech where I knew there was a crazy sociopath, who would decide to make my death a prize.

Vinnie asked the Apusenjas questions, which I tuned out mostly since I already knew it all. I already knew where Singh was and who was behind everything. To bad there wasn't much I could do since I didn't have any proof, and I wouldn't unless I went along with the storyline. And I would, for the most part anyway.

"Anything else?" I heard Vinnie ask. I could see Nonnie fidget.

"My dog." she said. "My little dog, Boo. He's missing. He disappeared when Samuel vanished. He was in the backyard, which is fenced." She said, while getting a photo out of her purse. We all looked at the photo. He really was cute. I would have been worried about the dog, if I didn't know exactly where he was and that he was safe.

"We must leave. Nonnie has to get back to work." Mrs. Apusenja said. Vinnie saw them to the door and watched them get into their car.

"We need to find this guy, dead or alive. Or else we're all unemployed." Vinnie said. He focused on Ranger. "You can find him, right?"

Ranger smiled his barely there smile and I had a huge smirk on my face. I knew Ranger could find him, eventually, but I knew where he was and that he was dead. I felt a little smug, I knew something Ranger didn't. Ok, to be fair I know a lot of that Ranger doesn't know but it was still a good feeling.

"I'll take that as a yes." Vinnie said.

"I'll need help and we'll need to work out the fee." Ranger told him. When he looked over at me and noticed my expression, he blank face slipped a little and he looked confused before he blank face slammed down again.

"Fine. Whatever you need. You can have Stephanie." Vinnie said.

I was a little angry that he hadn't even asked me if I wanted to help or not, but I got over it since I knew it was going to happen. Plus, this way I get to spend more time with Ranger. I was still trying to figure out if him finding out was a good thing or a bad thing.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own the Stephanie Plum series._

_**Not Quite Right**_

_By_

_Kole _

Chapter 9

Connie handed a stack of papers over to Ranger. "Here's everything we have," she said.

Connie said she would ran a full investigative report and have most of it tomorrow. Ranger looked over the files and looked at me. "Are you available?" he asked.

Lula and Connie looked like they were holding in moans and started fanning themselves. I was tempted to say no and steer clear of the whole mess but, I just couldn't. I knew that if I didn't find a way to stop the game people would die and that just didn't sit well with my conscience.

"What's the plan?" I asked Ranger.

"I'll take the neighborhood. You talk to Singh's employer, TriBro Tech. They should be cooperative. They put the money up for the visa bond." he told me.

I didn't like that plan because I knew that was where I would meet Clyde Cone, that was also when he would decide to add me to his game. I decided I would go, since I knew nothing bad would happen today. I also had an advantage since I knew what would happen.

"Okeydokey," I said. We both stood up getting ready to leave, when an idea struck me. I wasn't going to wait for Ranger to kiss me anymore. I wasn't Stephanie. I didn't have to wait for him, I could kiss him. Not only would I kiss him, I would kiss him the way he had kissed Steph so many times. It was my way of getting revenge for Steph and getting my Ranger kiss as well.

As he walked passed me, I grabbed the front of his shirt with both my hands and shoved him back against the wall. I plastered myself against him and hauled his mouth down to mine. I gave him the hottest, sexiest, deepest kiss I could muster, sucking his lower lip into my mouth before I let him go. I put my lips against his ear and whispered, "Babe." I licked the shell of his ear. Then I simply let him go and walked casually out the door and to my car.

Once I was safely in my car, I glanced over to find Ranger still standing there, an absolutely stunned expression on his face. Inside I was doing a happy dance and jumping up and down. Gotcha, Ranger! How does it feel it be on the receiving end? A little shocked are we? Good! A little off balance? Even better!

I most defiantly was off balance. I couldn't wait to actually get a Ranger kiss, where he initiated it but that was the best kiss I had ever experienced. Kissing Ranger had not only gave me a weak in the knees feeling but also, the confidence I needed to go to TriBro Tech. I pulled away and was on my way home to change my clothes.

It didn't take me long before I was in the parking lot of TriBro Tech. I took a deep breath then went in the front door into the reception area. I introduced myself to the woman behind the desk and told her who I wished to speak with.

A man appeared behind the woman at the desk and introduced himself as Andrew Cone. Exactly who I was looking for. He led me to his office and asked me how he could help me.

"I'm looking for Samuel Singh." I told Andrew Cone, passing him one of Steph's business cards I found in her purse.

"Bond enforcement? What's a nice girl like you doing in a tough job like that?" he asked, with slightly raised eyebrows. I just shrugged and said, "Mostly, just paying the rent."

We went through some questions, even though I didn't need to ask them. Andrew was in the middle of telling me that he only knew Singh as an employee when we heard voices. Voices I knew belonged to Andrew's brothers, Bart and Clyde. Bart came in the office first.

"Who are you?" Bart asked me. I handed him my business card. "Bond enforcement?" he asked.

Then a third person walked in. I knew it was Clyde from the way he was dressed and the creepy feeling he gave me. I smiled at him and tried not to show my discomfort at being in the same room as him.

"You're a bounty hunter, right?" Clyde asked. "Do you have a gun?"

"Yeah, I have a gun. I left it at home." I told him. The gun was actually in my purse, but the he didn't need to know that.

"I bet you don't need one. I bet you're real sneaky. You just sneak up to someone and _bam_, you've got him in handcuffs, right?" he said.

"Yeah. Right."

"You going to handcuff someone here?" he asked. Even though I knew that answering his questions was only going to get him more interested in me, I was trying to stick to the storyline as best I could. Well, as much as I could for the most part.

"Not today." I answered. Unfortunately, I would love to handcuff him and take him to jail but I couldn't just yet.

"My brothers, Clyde and Bart Cone." Andrew said, as an introduction.

Not much later, Clyde had asked me to dinner and gotten a little too close for my liking and Bart practically threw me out. I was happy to leave and pretty much ran to my car. I remembered that after Steph had been at TriBro in the book she went to remind Ranger to look for the dog, as well. I started on my way to the Apusenja's neighborhood, I was only going to see Ranger and see what he had to say about the kiss. He probably wanted to talk about my weird behavior at the bonds office, as well.

I wasn't in front of the Apusenja's long before I noticed Ranger pull in behind me. He got out of his car and leaned against it, waiting for me. I took a deep breath and got out of my car, not quite sure what Ranger's reactions were going to be.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Disclaimer:**__I don't own the Stephanie Plum series. _

**Not Quite Right**

By

Kole

Chapter 10

When I was standing in front of Ranger, I got really nervous.

"Babe." Ranger said. I wasn't really sure what that was supposed to mean but for some reason it helped me relax.

"Ranger." I said. His lip twitched a little, almost as if he wanted to smile.

"That was some kiss, Babe. You've never kissed me before." he said.

"I figured if you weren't going to kiss me, I would take the initiative." I told him, with a shrug of my shoulders.

"There's something different about you. Is something wrong?" he asked, concerned.

"Why would anything be wrong?" I replied. Ok well obviously he noticed the difference between me and Steph, there is a pretty big difference after all.

"I don't know. You're not acting like yourself. Like back at the bonds office." he pointed out. Jeez, I think I miss one-word-sentences Ranger. At least he wasn't questioning me on my personality change.

"I just…I don't know how to explain it just yet. Once I figure it out you'll be the first person I tell, promise." I told him. I wasn't lying, I did want to tell him, I just hadn't figured out how to tell him yet. Well, without him thinking I'm crazy that is.

He didn't look to sure, like he was going to press for more.

"I'm ok, Ranger. Just trust me." I told, confidently. He looked in my eyes, searching for any trace that I was lying. He nodded one of his almost imperceptible nods. I knew I was going to have to tell him soon, I didn't like lying to him.

"Singh's nowhere to be found." Ranger said. I smiled because he had changed the subject.

"I visited with the people at TriBro," I told him. "I didn't get anything useful. Although one of the guys who works there really freaked me out, had my spidey sense going crazy." I figured I might as well mention Clyde, maybe Ranger will look into him and find something that proves he's a crazy person before he tries to kill me. Also, I always wanted to say something about my 'spidey sense'.

"What's his name? I'll check it out." Ranger said.

"Clyde Cone." I told him. I knew that Bart was a suspect for a murder that Clyde had committed and that would probably be the only thing Ranger found, but a girl can hope. Ranger nodded.

"Let's talk to the Apusenjas," he said. When we knocked on the door Mrs. Apusenja answered.

"Well," she said to me " I see you've cleaned yourself up. You must be a terrible burden to your mother. I am feeling so sorry for her not to have a proper daughter."

I thought I had shut her up at the bonds office, apparently not. I opened my mouth to speak and Ranger put his hand on my shoulder. I closed my mouth and glared at him. He ruined my fun.

"I thought it would be helpful to see Singh's room," Ranger said.

"Will you be bringing _this one _in with you?" Mrs. Apusenja said. Ranger's grip on my shoulder tightened.

"_This one _has a name thank you very much! It's K-Stephanie!" I yelled at her. I almost said my real name and from the look Ranger's giving me he noticed. Crap, why do I have to keep screwing up around him?

"Yes, she'll be coming with me." Ranger said, giving Mrs. Apusenja a don't-question-me look.

"I suppose it will be alright. I expect you to be careful. I keep a very nice house." Mrs. Apusenja said, giving me a look of distaste. She stepped back from the door, giving us room to enter the house.

Ranger and I stood speechless for a moment. It really was filled way beyond capacity. It was so full of stuff that I was surprised it didn't explode.

Mrs. Apusenja led us up to Samuel's room. "This is Samuel's room. It's so sad that's it's empty. He was such a nice young man. So polite. Very respectful." she said, while giving me a look that clearly said I did not possess any of those qualities. I just glared at her before looking around at the small room.

Mrs. Apusenja babbled on about how it was such a nice room and Singh was oh so lucky to have it. Ranger asked her questions while he searched the tiny room, I knew he wouldn't find anything but I let him search anyway.

When we went downstairs, into the kitchen, Nonnie was there.

"Have you found Boo?" Nonnie asked. I really wanted to tell her that the dog was safe, but I thought that would be a little hard to explain.

"Not yet, sorry." I said.

When we left the Apusenjas' it was a little after six. Ranger leaned against my car and crossed his arms over his chest.

"What do you think?" he asked. Well, I would tell you what I actually thought but you would probably assume I was crazy.

"Nonnie doesn't seem all that worried about Singh, just Boo." I told him.

"Not exactly the distraught fiancée," Ranger said.

"Well, I'd be upset if my fiancée ran away and took my dog." I told him.

"The dog could be a coincidence." he pointed out.

"It's not. My spidey sense tells me Singh has the dog." Yeah, that and I also happen to already know that Singh has the dog, but that's all semantics.

"Your spidey sense tell you anything else?" Ranger said, grinning. Whoa, I wish he would smile more often. Even if it is to mock me.

"Is that a mocking grin?" I asked, hoping he would answer the same way he did in the book.

"It's the grin of a man who loves you, babe." Ranger said. My heart went crazy and even though I knew he didn't actually love **me**, it was still amazing to hear.

"Love?" I questioned.

"There's all kinds of love. This kind doesn't come with a ring attached." Ranger said. Then it's a really good thing I'm not looking for a ring. I smiled at him.

"Nice job at avoiding my question." I said.

I told him I was going back to TriBro Tech tomorrow, although I had no plan of going back. I already knew what would come of it and I needed some money, so I would bring in some other skips.

I waited for Ranger to pull away before I got in my car and made my way back to my apartment. I really needed to figure out how I should tell him about everything, I wanted to tell him. I just need to figure out how.

**AN: Should she tell Ranger? If so, how should she do it? Any ideas???? REVIEWS ARE LOVE!**


	11. Chapter 11

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own the Stephanie Plum series. _

**Not Quite Right**

By

Kole

Chapter 11

When I got to my apartment I checked my messages. I had a 2 from Steph's mother saying nothing and one from Vinnie telling me to find Singh. I started making dinner and used Steph's computer to find her email. It didn't take me too long to figure out her password, it was REX. I knew that Clyde Cone was going to start sending me emails so I might as well start checking now. There was only junk mail and one from Andrew Cone telling me to call him if need any more of his help.

I ate my dinner while watching television. After I ate, I got a shower and went to bed. I was woken up at 7:00 am, when the phone started ringing. It was Morelli, all he said was that he had something to show me and that he would be over shortly. I broke up with him, why cant he just stay away. I already know what he wants to show me, but he didn't give me a chance to say anything before he hung up.

I got dressed and went for my run. I made it 3 miles today. Just after I got into my apartment, Morelli was knocking. I opened the door for him and then went to the kitchen to get a bottle of water. He stood in the doorway for a few seconds just staring before coming in and closing the door. He looked at me and then walked over to the fridge and opened it up.

"What's wrong with you?" Joe asked.

"What do you mean?" I said, a little defensively.

"You look like you were just exercising and there is food in your fridge." he said, sounding angry. I wasn't really sure why this would make him angry.

"I _was_ exercising and I went to the store. Not that it is any of your business." I replied, sitting down at the table.

Joe pulled a piece of folded paper out of his pocket. " I heard you were looking into the Samuel Singh case, so I looked into TriBro Tech for you. My search turned up this newspaper article from two years ago."

I took the paper from him and looked it over, even though I already knew what it said. It was about the murder of Lillian Paressi. The article said that Bart Cone was charged with her murder. I knew he was released because the witness recanted his story, so I didn't feel the need to ask Joe anything else.

"Thanks for this, Joe. Bye." I said, as I stood up and opened the door for him.

"That's it? You aren't going to ask any more questions?" he asked, confused.

"Nope, thanks for stopping by. I'll see you around." I told him and then lightly pushed him out the door and locked it.

I went and took a shower and got dressed for my day. I had a quick breakfast, grabbed my bag, gun, and stun gun, and then was out the door. When I got to the bonds office Connie was there, but no Lula. I went in and handed her a piece of paper. It read _Got any skips for me? _

"Hey Connie." I said. She read the paper, then looked at Vinnie's office.

"Hey Steph." she replied. She wrote a little note and handed me three files.

"Well, I was just checking in. See if you got anything on Singh for me?" I said.

Vinnie opened his door and I hid the folders behind my back. " What are you doing here? Go find Singh!" he yelled at me, then slammed his door shut. I winked at Connie, then left with my folders.

When I got in my car I looked at the note Connie wrote. It said _One of these we would normally give to Ranger, so if you can't do it just bring it back. _I looked at the three files. One was Richard Sloan, assault. The other was Samantha Polen, grand theft auto. The last one was Charlie McGregor, rape and murder. McGregor was the one who was supposed to go to Ranger, he is worth $25,000 if I can bring him in.

I went to Samantha Polen's address first. It was pretty easy to convince her to come with me. I turned her in then went to Richard Sloan's house. I had my gun in the back of my jeans and my stun gun in my front pocket, just in case. When I knocked on the door I heard the back door slam. I ran around to the back of the house and saw him running down a back alley. I caught up to him and tripped him, when I tried to cuff him he swung his hand out and tried to hit me. I ducked then kicked him in the groin. I cuffed him, and while he was screaming profanities at me I put him in my car, then took him to the cop shop.

It was almost 2 by the time I got them both locked up and had lunch. I opened up Charlie McGregor's file and saw that his place of residence was listed as his mothers house. Of course, the murdering rapist lives with his mother. I closed the file then set off on my way to McGregor's mother's house.

I made sure I had my gun and went up to the door. When I knocked on the door McGregor answered, lucky for me. I really didn't want to have to deal with his mother. I told him who I was and he pushed me back and I fell to the ground. He took off running out the front door, jumping over me. I got up and chased him. I tackled him on the sidewalk a little down the street and he pushed me off him. I managed to grab his wrist and hold it behind his back until he stopped moving from the pain, then I stunned him. I cuffed his hands behind his back then half dragged, half carried him to my car and get him in the backseat.

He was just coming to when I pulled into the police station. I got him into the building with force, he was fighting and screaming the whole way in. Some cop helped me get him on the bench when he noticed me. I got my body receipt then left to take all three to the bonds office.

Connie was shocked when I brought in all three body receipts.

"You got all three of them? By yourself? And you didn't get covered in garbage?" she asked, astounded.

"Yep. By myself. No garbage." I said, a little proud. Connie handed me my checks. I said goodbye then left. I had made $26,800 today. That is a lot of money. I cashed my checks and was on my way home, when my phone rang.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own the Stephanie Plum series. _

**Not Quite Right**

By

Kole

Chapter 12

I answered the phone with a grimace when I saw who was calling.

"Stephanie? It's your mother. We're having a nice chicken for dinner tonight." Steph's mother said.

If I remembered correctly, at this point in the story, Val was nine months pregnant and was living with Steph's parents. So, if I go for dinner I will have to deal with the craziness. Although, if I don't go it would probably look suspicious. I guess I'm going to a Plum family dinner.

"Mashed potatoes with gravy," she added when I didn't respond.

"I'm on my way." I told her.

This would be a challenge, making it through one of Steph's family dinners without anyone noticing anything odd about me.

Everyone was at the table by the time I got there. I looked around at everyone, I saw Steph's mother looked tense but she probably always looked like that. Steph's father was at the head of the table and he was shoveling food in his mouth, he grunted at me as I sat down. Valerie, Steph's sister was about a foot away from the table due to her huge stomach, actually she was huge in general. Albert Kloughn was at her side, his round face was watching Val with awe. He wasn't someone who could hide their emotions it seemed, so he probably wasn't such a great lawyer.

Val's two girls were on the edge of their seats, it seemed like they were waiting for something to happen. Grandma Mazur was happily sipping her glass of wine. I sat down at the only available seat and started eating the food that was already put on my plate before I got there.

"I read in the paper where aliens from a different galaxy are buying up all the good real estate in Albany," Grandma Mazur said.

"They'll get hit hard with taxes, they'd be better to but real estate in Florida or Texas," Kloughn told her.

Steph's father never raised his head, but his eyes slid first to Kloughn then to Grandma. He muttered something that sounded like good grief.

"If I was an alien I'd rather live in Florida anyway," Grandma said. "Florida has Disney World. What's Albany got?"

"Get me a gun," Valerie said. " If I don't go into labor soon I'm going to shoot myself. And pass the gravy. Pass it _now_."

Steph's mother jumped to her feet and handed the gravy boat to Val. Steph's mother was worried that Val might be having contractions and Val was staring at the gravy she was pouring as though she was completely in love with it.

Kloughn made a comment about gravy which caused Val to think she was fat and Kloughn trying to fix it made it worse.

"Omigod," Val wailed. "You think I'm fat." Then she started sobbing and dropped her plate to the ground.

Then Kloughn and Grandma started talking about who farted and I looked at the door and considered leaving since it seemed no one had noticed me anyway.

"Don't even think about it," Steph's mother said. "We're all in this together. Anyone sneaks out the back way answers to me."

When the table was cleared and the dishes were done, I made my move to leave.

"I need to talk to you." Steph's mother said, following me out of the house to the curb.

I knew what was coming, if I had remembered what she would ask me I wouldn't have come tonight.

"I'm worried about your sister. What's become of her? A baby due in two weeks and no husband. She should marry Albert. You have to talk to her." Steph's mom told me.

"No way! I can't put up with her mood swings." I replied, even though I didn't really have first hand knowledge of Val being pregnant, I had been around pregnant women before.

"I'm not asking a lot. I just want you to talk to her. Get her to understand that she's having a baby."

"She knows she's having a baby. She has done it twice before. You just want her to marry Kloughn so that she moves out, right?" I asked.

"I feel like the old lady who lived in a shoe. Remember the rhyme? She had so many children she didn't know what to do? One more person in this house and we're going to have to sleep in shifts. Your father's talking about renting a Porta Potti for the backyard. And it's not just the house. This is the Burg. Women don't go off and have babies without husbands here. Every time I go to the grocery store, I want meet someone who wants to know when Valerie's getting married." she said.

"She's in the kitchen with the rest of the cake. She's probably got it topped with gravy. You could go in and talk to her. Tell her Albert Kloughn is a good man." she added.

"Ok, I'll go talk to her." I said.

"Good." she said as we both walked back inside.

I found Val sitting at the kitchen table, eating the rest of the cake.

"I'm supposed to talk to you." I told her.

"Not now. I'm busy. I'm eating for two, you know." If I had to guess, two hippos.

"Mom thinks you should marry Kloughn." It felt weird calling her mom.

"Kloughn's boring. Would you marry Kloughn?" Val asked, after shoving more food in her mouth.

"No, but he's not my type." I told her, not exactly lying.

"I want to marry Ranger. Ranger is hot." Val said.

I had to agree with her, Ranger is hot. "Ranger's not exactly the marrying type. And there would be a lot of things to think about. For instance, I think every now and then he might kill people." I told her.

"Yeah, but not random, right?"

"No, probably not random.

"So that would be okay. Nobody's perfect." Val said, scraping at the smudges on the plate.

"Ok, then. Good talk. I'll pass this on to mom and ask Ranger if he's looking for a wife." I told her, as I got up and went in search of Steph's mom.

"Well?" Steph's mom asked when I found her.

"She's thinking about it. And on the plus side she's not against marriage."

I left about five minutes later after saying goodbye to everyone. It was when I pulled into my parking lot that I remembered what happened next.

I pulled out my phone and hit speed dial. It only rang once before there was an answer.

"Yo."

"Hey Ranger."


	13. Chapter 13

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own the Stephanie Plum series. _

**Not Quite Right**

By

Kole

_**Previously… **_

_It was when I pulled into my parking lot that I remembered what happened next._

_I pulled out my phone and hit speed dial. It only rang once before there was an answer._

"_Yo."_

"_Hey Ranger."_

Chapter 13

"Are you busy?" I asked him.

"Need something, Babe?"

"Could you come over to my apartment and…umm, well walk me in?" I felt stupid asking him, but I knew there were flowers and pictures I really didn't want to find alone in there.

"Something wrong?" he asked.

"Well, I'm sitting in my parking lot and I just have this weird feeling."

"Be there in five." he said, then disconnected.

While I waited for Ranger, I thought about whether or not to call Morelli. I mean he is a cop, but I don't think there is any evidence anyway. I decided I would wait and see what Ranger said.

Ranger pulled into my lot five minutes later, just like he said. I got out of my car and met him by his.

"Spidey senses tingling?" he asked, clearly amused.

"Yeah. Something like that." I told him rolling my eyes, even though he couldn't see.

He put his hand on the small of my back and guided me in and to the stairs. He seemed like he was waiting for me to complain about using the elevator instead, but he didn't say anything when I just started walking up to my floor. When we got to my door he upholstered his gun and told me to wait at the door.

He unlocked the door with my key and searched the apartment. I walked into the kitchen and when he came back he told me it was all clear. I closed the door and went into the living room. Ranger followed me. There sitting on the end table were the flowers, red roses and white carnations. There was an envelope propped against the vase.

"I take it those weren't there earlier?" Ranger asked.

"Nope."

I walked over to the envelope and picked it up. The front said, _Tag. You're it. _Oh, joy. I opened the envelope and took out three pictures. I looked at them, they were the pictures of a gunshot victim that I knew would be in there. I felt nauseas as I handed the envelope and pictures to Ranger. He looked at them for a moment.

"Babe," he said. Just the one word made me feel better. "You should probably call Morelli, so he can get crime scene up here." And there went my good feeling.

"Yeah, o-o-okay." I stuttered. Ranger must of realized how freaked out I was from my voice because he pulled me into a hug. I let him and just enjoyed the feeling of safety, that Ranger offered, for a moment. When he let me go I smiled at him in thanks and went to call Morelli.

"Morelli." he answered.

"Hey Joe, someone broke into my apartment and left me flowers and some photos."

"I'll be right over." he said, then hung up.

"He's on his way." I told Ranger. He nodded.

"You want me to leave?" he asked.

"No." I said, kind of fast. What kind of stupid question was that?

He smiled a small smile, then it was gone as fast as it appeared.

"Beer?" he asked, obviously thinking it would help me calm down a little.

"No, but a bottle of water would be great." I told him. He stared at me for a second before he nodded his head and went to the kitchen. I looked over at the table where the flowers were and where Ranger had put the envelope back. I really did not like getting pictures of dead women, even if I knew who they came from.

I walked into the kitchen and sat at the table. Ranger handed me my water and sat across from me with his own. I opened it and then chugged half.

There was a knock at the door. I got up to go get it, I opened the door to Morelli standing there. He just walked in and stopped dead in his tracks. I closed the door and turned to look at what made him stop. He was glaring at Ranger who now stood by my kitchen table. I smiled an amused smile, which Ranger saw and his lip twitched.

"What's he doing here?" Morelli asked.

"He was with me when I came in." I told him, not lying just not telling him that I had called Ranger.

I showed Morelli the flowers and pictures. He looked through the pictures and shook his head.

"It's like you have a sign on your door welcoming nuts and stalkers to walk in. Everyone breaks into your apartment. I've never seen anything like it. You have three top-of-the-line locks on your door and it doesn't deter anyone." Joe said, then he glanced at me. "Your door was locked, right?"

"Yes. It was locked." I said, agitated. I can't stand that he thinks I am incapable of remembering to lock the door. I noticed that Ranger was standing in the background, like he didn't want to interfere.

"I hate this," Morelli said. "Why can't I have a normal girlfriend who has normal problems…like breaking a fingernail or missing a period or falling in love with a lesbian."

I was shocked. He still thought I was girlfriend? Was he stupid or just ignorant? I thought I had made my self pretty clear.

"Okay, first of all, I'm not your girlfriend." He cut me off there.

"Cupcake," I didn't let him finish.

"Second of all, don't call me 'Cupcake'. I hate that." I told him, getting really annoyed.

"What's gotten into you, Cupcake?" he asked raising his voice slightly. I narrowed my eyes at him. Then calmed down, I had to remember that to him I was Stephanie Plum who liked being called 'Cupcake' and was his girlfriend who broke up and then got back together with him all the time.

"Nothing, nothing at all." I said, taking a calming breath, as the phone rang. When I went to answer the phone I noticed Ranger studying me, trying to figure out what **had **gotten into me. I noticed Morelli was talking on his cell, probably calling in the crime scene guys.

"I definitely think it might work between Ranger and me," Valerie said, before I even said hello. It made me smile. "You're pals with him. You could fix me up."

"Valerie, you're nine months pregnant. This isn't a good time for a fix-up." I told her, even though just the thought of telling Ranger this made me want to laugh.

"You think I should wait until after I deliver?"

" I think you should wait until never."

"You're just saying that cause you want Ranger all to yourself." Val said. I smiled even bigger.

"Your right, I don't like to share." I told her. Val sighed, then disconnected.

"You're smiling," Ranger said.

"Yep." I said, popping the 'p'.

"Why?" Morelli asked.

"No reason." I said.

"I think it would be smart to get you out of this apartment. I don't know about this, but I'm not comfortable ignoring it." Morelli said.

"And where would I go?"

"You'd go home with me, cupcake. And there would be benefits." Morelli answered.

"I think I'll pass. I'm fine staying here." I told him.

Joe didn't look to pleased with this but he didn't say anything, even though I could tell he wanted to fight it. Ranger looked almost happy that I was staying at my apartment rather than going to Joe's. He also didn't offer up any of his places for me to stay so he either figured I'd be fine for tonight or that I would ask if I wanted to stay somewhere with him.

Ranger stayed until the crime scene guys came but then he got a page and had to leave. Joe stayed but mostly just talked to the other cops and crime scene guys until they left. He asked if I wanted him to stay and I told him no and pushed him out the door. By the time everyone was gone it was late. I got a shower and put my gun on the bedside table, then went to bed knowing that tomorrow I started my search for Howie.


	14. Chapter 14

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own the Stephanie Plum series. _

**Not Quite Right**

By

Kole

Chapter 14

When I woke up I did a quick search of the apartment, then got ready for my run. I ran four miles today. When I got home I got a shower and got ready for the day. I checked Steph's email while I ate my breakfast. There wasn't anything in the inbox, so I ran a check on McDonald's franchises in the area. I was checking for the Howie that Steph learned about when she was asking questions at TriBro in the book.

I started calling them, asking for Howie, and I got a hit on the third McDonald's. Howie would be in at ten and it was eight now, if I remembered correctly I couldn't actually talk to him until one though. I figured it wouldn't hurt to go now anyway, so I grabbed my bag and left to go to the bonds office to get Lula.

When I walked in the office Lula wasn't there yet.

"Anything happening?" I asked Connie.

"Vinnie's at the pokey, writing bail. Lula hasn't come in yet." She answered.

"Yes she has," Lula said, as she came through the door with a big tote bag, a brown grocery bag, and a take-out coffee. "I had to stop at the store on account of I need special food. There's a new man in my life and I've decided I'm too much woman for him, so I'm losing some weight. I'm gonna turn myself into a supermodel. I'm gonna lose about a hundred pounds."

Right, Lula's meat diet, I forgot she did that in this book. I knew it wasn't going to work, but it would probably be kind of funny.

"It'll be easy because I joined FatBusters last night. I got everything I need to lose weight now. I got a notebook to write in every time I eat something. And I got a FatBusters book that tells me how to do it all. Every single food's got a number assigned to it. All you gotta do is add up those numbers and make sure you don't go over your limit. Like my limit is twenty-nine." Lula added.

Lula plopped herself onto the couch and took out a notebook. "Okay, here I go. This here's my first entry in my notebook. This here's the beginning of a new way of life." she said.

Connie and I exchanged glances that clearly said 'yeah right!'.

"Oh boy," Connie said.

"I know I've tried diets in the past and they didn't work out , but this is different. This one's realistic. That's what they say in the pamphlet. It's not like that last diet where all I could eat was bananas." Lula reasoned, as she flipped through her FatBusters book.

"Let's see how I'm doing. No points for coffee." she said.

"First of all, your not drinking plain coffee. Secondly, you don't need to lose any weight for a man." I told her.

"I'm not getting involved in the detail bullshit. It says here coffee's got no points and that's what I'm writing. I also ain't doing this for a man, I'm doing it for me." she told me.

"Okay then." I said, as she started talking about what else she ate for breakfast and how many points it was. I really wanted to laugh at how she counted her points. After listening to Connie and Lula talk for a while, I decided it was time to go talk to Howie.

"I'm heading out to look for some guy named Howie. Supposedly he and Singh were buddies." I said.

"Anything new come in?" I asked Connie.

"We got a new skip this morning, but Vinnie doesn't want anyone working on anything other than Singh. Vinnie's in a state over this Singh thing." she answered, handing me the file anyway. I smiled at her in thanks.

"Maybe I should go look for Howie with you. If I stay here I'll file all day and filing makes me hungry. I don't know if I got enough vegetables for a full day of filing." Lula said.

"Bad idea. Howie works at a fast-food place. You have no willpower when it comes to that stuff."

"No problemo. I'm a changed woman. And anyway, I got my fill of fast food for the day. I had a good fast-food breakfast." she answered.

A half hour later, we arrived at McDonald's lot. Lula had already gone through a bunch of celery and was almost done with a bag of carrots.

"This isn't doing much for me, but I guess you gotta sacrifice if you want to be a supermodel." Lula said.

"Maybe you should wait in the car." I told her.

"Hell no, I'm not missing out on the questioning. This could be an important lead. This Howie guy and Singh are supposed to be friends right?"

I knew Howie was an important lead, because he was a player in the game but I also knew he wouldn't tell us anything yet.

"Fine, let's go." I said.

As soon as I walked through the door, I saw Howie. He was working register and I knew it was him from his nametag, which said Howie P.

"Yes? What will it be?" Howie asked smiling.

I slid one of Stephanie's business cards to him and introduced myself.

"I'm looking for Samuel Singh, I understand your friends." I said, even though I knew he wouldn't tell me anything.

He froze for a moment, looking at my card.

"You are mistaken. I do not know Samuel Singh, but what would you like to order?" he said, after studying my card for a moment.

"I really just want talk to you. Maybe on your next break?"

"That would be my lunchtime at one o'clock. But you must order now. It's a rule." he told me.

The big guy behind me said, "Cripes, lady, you think we got all day? Give him your order. I gotta get back to work." Lula turned and glared at him and he moved to another register. "Hunh," she said.

"I must take your order," Howie said.

"Fine. Give me two cokes." I told him.

"Maybe some chicken nuggets." Lula added.

"No nuggets. What about Singh?"

"First, you must pay." he said. I paid him and asked about Singh again, knowing he wouldn't tell me anything. Just yet, anyway.

"You have my card. Call me if you think of anything. I'll try to stop back at one." I told Howie, knowing full well that I would be back at one.

"Yes. Thank you. Have a good day. Thank you for eating at McDonald's"

I grabbed our drinks and we walked back to the car. I handed Lula her drink and she took a big gulp before talking.

"He was nice and polite, but he didn't give us a lot." she pointed out.

"I also woulda got some food. You can't just go to McDonald's and not get food." she continued.

"We didn't need food and besides you're on that diet." I told her.

"Well." she huffed.

While Lula sulked about not getting food, I called Ranger to check in. I told him what knew about Howie, okay I told him only what I was supposed to know at the point. It wasn't a very long conversation.

After I got off the phone with Ranger, I opened up the file that Connie had given me. I had time to kill since there wasn't a need for me to go to Howie's apartment, since I knew I wouldn't find anything.

I read the name in the file, Ethan Gates. Wanted for domestic violence. Fun.

I started the car and handed Lula the file so she could read through it, after checking the address. I figured I would take Gates in and then come back to talk to Howie, hopefully before he gets shot.


	15. Chapter 15

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own the Stephanie Plum series. _

**Not Quite Right**

By

Kole

Chapter 15

It wasn't long before we were parking in front of the home of Ethan Gates, who was wanted for domestic violence.

I knocked on the front door while Lula went around back. It was only a few seconds later when I heard the distinct sound of a shotgun, from the other side of the door. I dropped to the ground as the gun went off. I stood up and got behind the door as it opened.

Ethan Gates walked out with the shotgun in his hands. I said his name and he turned around and I punched him as hard as I could. He fell to the ground, unconscious.

Lula came running around the side of the house.

"What the hell happened? I heard a gunshot!" she screamed.

"Bastard tried to shoot me. I punched him out. Although now, my hand really hurts." I said, pointing to the unconscious man at my feet and rubbing at my hurt hand.

"I don't know how you managed that, but all right." Lula said, smiling widely.

I put Ethan's gun back in his house and closed his door. Lula helped me drag him into the backseat and we took him to the cop shop.

The cop who helped me carry the semi-conscious Ethan Gates into the station was wearing a huge grin as he walked over to another cop and pointed at me and Gates. The other cop smiled then shook his head and handed the first cop money.

It didn't take a genius to know they were betting on me. It didn't make me as mad as I thought it would, I ignored the cops and got my body receipt.

It was about twelve when we got back to the bonds office. I gave Connie my receipt and she gave me a check.

"I'm gonna head back to McDonalds and talk to Howie, since his break should be starting soon." I told Lula.

"Well, I'll come with you. Get me some lunch while we out."

"No. You stay here, I'm gonna see if Ranger can meet me. I have to talk to him about the case anyway." I said, hoping she would believe me. It wasn't exactly a lie, I did have to talk to Ranger about the case, but mostly I just wanted him there. I knew Howie was going to get shot soon and I really didn't want to be alone when it happened.

"Hunh, fine. Probably be boring anyway." Lula grumbled, falling onto the couch.

"Yeah, boring." I said, knowing it would be anything but boring. I just didn't want to deal with a hysterical Lula, considering I'll probably be hysterical as well.

I waved to the girls as I left. When I got in my car I took out my phone and called Ranger. He probably didn't like that I was calling him so much, but I didn't really care.

"Yo."

"Hey, Ranger. I have to talk to someone who might know where Singh is and I was hoping you could come with me?" I asked.

"Where?"

I told him where to meet me and when. He said he'd be there in ten minutes. It was exactly ten minutes until one and I didn't doubt that he would in fact be there at exactly one.

I arrived first, Ranger pulled in a few minutes after me. I got out and walked over to him. I told him who Howie was, leaving out the part about me not actually going to TriBro to get that information.

"Is there a reason you wanted me here?" he asked.

"I just have this feeling that something bad might happen, so I want you here. You make me feel safe." I told him. He tilted his head slightly and smiled a small smile at me. His eyes lit up slightly and I could tell that, that had made him happy for some reason.

I didn't have time to dwell on that because Howie had just walked out the door and sat at a table in the outdoor seating area.

"That's Howie. I wanna talk to him alone first, but I don't think he will tell me anything." I told him, nodding my head towards Howie. Ranger nodded at me.

Howie was hunched over his tray, eating, when I walked up to him.

"Hey, nice day." I said, sitting across from him.

"Yes." he answered, without looking up.

"Tell me about Samuel."

"There's nothing to tell."

"He called you last week." I told him.

"You are mistaken." He said, his hands balling into fists.

"You must stop bothering me now, please." he said, almost begging.

"Samuel is missing, I'm trying to find him." I told him. Well, okay, I know where he is but I really want him to tell me about the game so I can stop it. I really don't want to explain how I knew about it when no one ever mentioned it.

"Missing?" he asked, finally looking at me.

"He disappeared the after he called you." I told him. He looked relieved for a second.

"I know nothing." he said, again.

I was really getting annoyed. I knew all of this already.

"What do you know about the game?" I asked. His eyes widened at my question. I knew he was a part of it, I just wasn't sure how much he knew. He seemed to have got over the shock.

"I do not know what you are talking about." he persisted. His eyes darted around, almost as if he was paranoid.

"I must go inside now. I do not like associating with customers." He said, then he began talking about Americans being crazy.

After he ranted a little, he stood with his tray.

"You should leave me alone now. I am done talking to you. If you continue to stalk me, I will report you to the authorities." He said. I rolled my eyes at him.

"I'm not stalking you. This isn't stalking. This is…" I trailed off, remembering that Howie got shot after I finished this sentence.

I didn't have any time left. I jumped towards Howie, just as I heard the two gunshots. Pop. Pop.


	16. Chapter 16

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own the Stephanie Plum series. _

**AN: **Sorry it took so long to get this chapter. I broke two of my fingers and I couldn't type very well. I'm all healed, so I should be updating quicker now. Thanks for all the amazing reviews, they keep me writing.

**Not Quite Right**

By

Kole

Chapter 16

Ranger calling, "Babe" was the first thing I heard after the shots. It was only a few seconds before he was rolling me off of Howie.

"Are you okay?" Ranger asked, sounding worried.

"I'm fine." I answered, sitting up, giving Ranger a quick smile.

"Oww. Was tackling me to the ground really necessary?" Howie groaned as he sat up as well. I sighed in relief, he wasn't dead. I had saved him. I wasn't sure what this was going to do to the storyline, but for now I was just hoping he would talk to us about the game.

"Yes. Or maybe next time I'll just let you get shot." I said to him, as Ranger helped me stand. Ranger looked me over after I was standing, almost like he was making sure I really wasn't hurt. I noticed that people were screaming and scrambling around.

Howie stood up and looked around, like he was looking for the shooter, then he sat down at the table and started breathing heavy. Almost hyperventilating. I ignored him and turned towards Ranger.

"The shots came from over there." Ranger said, nodding his head towards where the shots came from. I nodded.

"Why would somebody want you dead?" I asked Howie.

"I….I don't know w-what your talking about." Howie stuttered out.

"The game. Tell us about the game." I demanded. Ranger looked at me, before turning to stare at Howie.

"I already told you I don't know anything about this game you're talking about." Howie said, not very convincingly.

"Look, they are trying to kill you. Whoever is behind the game decided that you lost, so now you're going to die. You might as well tell us what you know." I told him. Ranger gave me a you-will-tell-me-everything-later look. I smiled at him then went back to glaring at Howie.

Howie was looking very nervous and he kept mumbling to himself. I could hear the sirens as the police got closer.

"I don't know much. The game is run by the Web Master." Howie said, looking over his shoulder again. "I don't know who he is, so don't bother asking. All I know is, there are always five players and a prize."

"A prize?" I asked, even though I already knew what that was.

"Yeah. The last man standing gets the prize." Howie answered.

"What's the prize?" Ranger asked.

Before Howie could answer, a Trenton PD blue and white pulled in with lights flashing. Seconds later, another blue and white pulled in. the person in the car rolled his eyes and picked up his radio. I knew this to be Carl Costanza from his actions, I remembered him doing the exact same thing in the book. That would make his partner, Big Dog.

Howie stood up, now that he was calmer. Ranger looked at him and waited for an answer to his question.

"The priz-" Howie started, but he was cut off when another shot rang out. Howie's eyes got wide and his mouth opened. Ranger grabbed me and covered me with his body, pulling his gun out and searching for the shooter. Howie fell to the ground at my feet.

The cops got out of their cars and held their guns out as well, searching for the shooter. After a few moments, Ranger and the cops relaxed and put their guns down.

I was staring at Howie, at the small hole in the middle of is forehead and the pool of blood that widened under him. I had stopped this. It wasn't supposed to happen.

"Babe. You alright?" Ranger asked, shaking me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah. Just a little shocked is all." I told him, truthfully. I thought seeing a dead guy would have been more terrifying, but it wasn't really. Or maybe that was the shock talking.

Ranger must have sensed something, because he pulled me into a hug. It helped a lot, actually. He made me feel safe and relaxed.

"I don't know what's going on, but you will have to explain some things." he said, after I pulled away.

"I will, I promise." I told him.

"Holy crap." the man I figured was Big Dog said.

I looked away from Ranger and noticed that Carl was pushing people behind the police tape he was starting to put up. An EMS truck arrived, followed by two more cars. One just happened to belong to Joe.

"Are you okay?" Joe asked, after he jogged over to me.

"I'm fine. No bullet holes."

Joe looked down at Howie, "You didn't shoot him, did you? Tell me you didn't shoot him."

That made me angry. Why would he just assume I shot him.

"No. I did not shoot him." I said, through clenched teeth.

"You sure, you didn't shoot him?" he asked again.

Joe didn't seem to notice that I was angry and that I was considering shooting him. Ranger put his hand on my shoulder and leaned over.

"Not worth it." Ranger whispered in my ear, almost as if he could read my mind. I relaxed at his words, his hand on my shoulder helping to calm me. That was the reason I loved him, he seemed to know exactly what I felt and needed. Too bad he didn't even know who I was.

I noticed that Joe had tensed and narrowed his eyes at me and Ranger. The fact that Joe was jealous, made me even more happy. I'm not sure why but, it did.

Ranger looked down at his beeper, which I'm assuming vibrated.

"I got to go, Babe. See you later." Ranger said, then got in his car and drove away. I was shocked, Ranger had practically said goodbye.

I was smiling when I turned back around to Joe. He did not look happy, actually he looked like he was going to explode. I gave him some time to calm down.

After a few minutes of breathing sort of deep, Joe was calmer. He asked me what happened. I told him everything I remembered.

"If that's all, can I go now?" I asked.

Joe sighed and ran his hand over his face, "Sure. Just be careful."

I smiled at him and nodded. I went over to my car and waved at Joe as I pulled away.

I didn't get very far away before my phone started ringing. It was my/Steph's mother. I knew she was calling because people were saying I had shot Howie. I thought for a second, then pressed IGNORE. I couldn't deal with her right now.


	17. Chapter 17

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own the Stephanie Plum series. _

**Not Quite Right**

By

Kole

Chapter 17

Lula and Connie were looking extremely curious when I got to the office. It made me wonder what they had already heard.

"I heard you shot a guy at McDonalds. Was it that Howie we was talking to?" Lula asked.

"Yes it was Howie, but I DIDN'T shoot him. Somebody else did." I told them.

"We only have a few days left before everyone finds out Singh's skipped. Vinnie's freaking. He's locked in his office with a bottle of gin and the real estate section from the Scottsdale paper." Connie said.

"I don't need this cranky shit he's pulling either, I had a bad day. I didn't lose any weight and the guy we wanted to talk to got dead." Lula said. Well, at least she wasn't there this time to get all hysterical.

"Well, I did get to talk to him. He" I started to say but was cut off, when Vinnie stuck his head out the door.

"You get one crappy lead and he gets himself killed. What's with that?" Vinnie yelled at me, then pulled his head back into his office and slammed the door. Vinnie stuck his back out a moment later.

"Sorry, I didn't mean that. I meant to say…uh, I'm glad you're not hurt." He added.

We all went silent, thinking. Connie and Lula were probably thinking about how bad it was and how much worse it could have been. I was thinking about how the story might change when I tell Ranger everything I know. Okay, not everything. There's still some stuff I cant tell him, yet.

"The world's a crazy place." Lula said, breaking the silence.

I remembered that after the shooting Steph went to the Apusenjas' to talk to Nonnie.

"I'm going over to talk to the Apusenjas. Nonnie should be home from work soon." I told the girls.

"I'll go with you, don't want you going out all alone." Lula said.

Nonnie was home when we got there. She answered the door on the second knock and looked surprised when she saw me, then happy. Lula was standing behind me and I knew I should of made her stay in the car. I knew there was going to be a fight but I was kind of looking forward to it.

"Did you find him? Did you find Boo?" Nonnie asked.

"Not yet. I was wondering, did you ever see what Samuel did when he was on the computer?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"I saw a mail from work one time. Samuel was at the kitchen table. I came to the kitchen for a glass of tea and I passed behind him. He was typing a letter to someone named Susan. The letter was nothing, really. It only said _thank you for the help_. Samuel said it was work related. That is the only time I have seen any of his computer mails." Nonnie said.

"How about mail from the post office?"

"A few letters from his parents in India. My mother would know more of that. She collects the mail. Would you like to talk to my mother?"

"No!" Lula said.

"Who is that?" Mrs. Apusenja called from the hall. Lula put her head down and took a deep breath, while I tried to hide my smile.

"It is two women from the bond agency." Nonnie answered. Mrs. Apusenja rumbled to the door and elbowed Nonnie aside.

"What do you want? Have you found Samuel?" she asked.

"I just had a few questions for Nonnie."

"Where is the man named Ranger? I can tell you are just his worthless assistant. And who is this fat woman with you?" Mrs. Apusenja said. I really wanted to say something about the whole _worthless_ comment, but I bit my tongue and watched Lula.

"Hunh, there was a time when I would have kicked your nasty ass for calling me fat, but I'm on a diet to be a supermodel and I'm above all that now." Lula said.

"Such language, just as I would expect from sluts." Mrs. Apusenja said.

"Hey, watch who you're calling a slut. You're starting to get on my nerves." Lula added.

"Get off my porch." Mrs. Apusenja said to Lula. And she shoved Lula. I stepped back and watched with a small smile on my face. This was defiantly going to make my day better.

"Hunh," Lula said. And she gave Mrs. Apusenja a shot to the shoulder that rocked her back on her heels.

"Disrespectful whore." Mrs. Apusenja said to Lula. Then she slapped Lula .

Lula grabbed Mrs. Apusenja by the hair and the two of them stumbled off the porch to the small front yard. There was a lot of bitch slapping and name calling and hair pulling. Nonnie was shouting for them to stop and I just wanted to laugh.

An old lady tottered out of the house next door and turned her garden hose on Lula and Mrs. Apusenja. They broke apart sputtering. Mrs. Apusenja turned tail and ran back into her house, leaving a trail of water behind her.

The old lady shut the water off at the spigot on her front porch. "That was fun," she said. And she disappeared into her house.

I looked at Lula squishing her way to the car and I just burst out laughing. We both climbed in, me laughing and Lula dripping.

"It's not funny. I could have taken her if I'd had more time." she said. I just shook my head, as I stopped laughing, and took Lula back to the office.

I knew that when I got home Ranger would be there and I would have some explaining to do.


	18. Chapter 18

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own the Stephanie Plum series. _

**Not Quite Right**

By

Kole

Chapter 18

I drove to my apartment after dropping Lula off at the office. When I pulled into the lot I noticed that Ranger's car wasn't here yet. I went up to my apartment and let myself in.

I fed Rex and started making dinner. I knew Ranger would be here soon, to talk.

I was almost done making my dinner, when I heard the door open. I turned to look and saw Ranger standing there. He was wearing his blank face, again.

"Hey Ranger." I said, quickly turning back to my dinner.

"Babe."

"Would you like some spaghetti?" I asked him, holding out a plate to him.

He took the plate and filled his plate after I filled mine. He sat at the table across from me and I placed two beers on the table.

"Thanks." Ranger said, starting to eat.

I only got a few bites in before Ranger started speaking again.

"When did you learn to cook?" he asked. Of course, he was still curious about that. I knew he was but I was hoping he wouldn't ask me about it. I really don't want to lie to him.

"When I was little. I just decided I should start making some real food." I told him, not looking up from my food. Not a lie.

"Want to tell me what happened?" Ranger said, after a few seconds.

I looked up and noticed he had stopped eating and was looking at me, waiting for an answer.

"Somebody shot Howie." I told him, knowing that wasn't what he was talking about.

"You know what I meant." he said, giving me a look.

"I have a source that told me there was some kind of game involved with Singh's disappearance. I just guessed that Howie was a part of it." I told him. Also, not a lie. I just didn't tell him that my source is a fictional book, where he is one of the main characters.

Ranger stared at me, trying to figure out if I was telling the truth or not. I just smiled at him then went back to eating my dinner. After a moment, Ranger started eating again.

"Who's your source?" he asked me, once I finished eating. I was surprised, even though I should of known that he wouldn't of just dropped it.

"Anonymous." I told him. Okay, that one's a lie. Just a little one.

Ranger narrowed his eyes at me. Either, he didn't believe me or he didn't like that I didn't know who my source was. I couldn't tell.

"What else did this anonymous source tell you?" he asked, with emphasis on anonymous.

"That's it. He did say that he would contact me again." I told him, completely lying now. I just couldn't tell him yet and this way I could tell him the parts that were important and have a reason as to how I knew. I did feel bad about lying to him, but it was better this way. For now at least.

"Did you find anything out about Clyde Cone?" I asked him, changing the subject. He stared at me for a moment before answering.

"The Cone brothers run a tight factory and pay their bills on time. I had Tank ask around. The only interesting thing he turned up was the murder inquiry. Two months after the police dropped Bart as a suspect, Bart's wife left him. He's the nuts-and-bolts at the factory. Has an engineering degree from MIT. Smart. Serious. Private. The direct opposite of Clyde, who spends most of his day reading comic books and gets together several times a week with his friends to play Magic." Ranger said.

"Andrew is the people's person. Manages the human resources side of the business. He's been married for ten years. Has two kids, ages seven and nine." he continued.

Ranger's pager went off and he checked the readout.

"Do you have any candidates for the flowers and photos?" he asked.

"It sounds odd I know, but I really think Clyde is somehow involved with this whole thing." I told him, hoping I didn't sound like a crazy person.

"Why Clyde?" Ranger asked, clearly confused as to why I would suspect the nerdy guy.

"I just have this feeling. He's involved with this. I just have to prove how." I told him, knowing exactly how he is involved. I really need to find something to link back to Clyde.

"I'll look into him some more, see if I can find anything." Ranger said. I smiled at him. Then, he was gone.

I sighed and started washing the dishes.

When the dishes were done I considered going to bed, when I remembered the email. The email that Steph got after the shooting.

I got Steph's laptop setup and opened her email. I deleted the junk mail and was left with one email. No subject in the subject line. I knew what it would say, but I still didn't want to open it.

I took a few deep breaths and clicked on it. The message that popped wasn't what I was expecting. It made me wonder if I had just screwed up the storyline.

The message read: _Did you like my flowers? Were you impressed with my marksmanship this afternoon? I was very impressed with you. How did you know? _

**AN: Sorry it took so long to get this chapter. I just couldn't get it right. This chapter really bugged me for some reason. _Reviews are love!_**


	19. Chapter 19

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own the Stephanie Plum series. _

**Not Quite Right**

By

Kole

Chapter 19

I got ready for bed, in a daze. I changed the story. I went to bed worrying about what might happen now.

I woke up and did my morning routine. I ran 6 miles today, I was trying to run off the nervousness I was feeling. It didn't help much.

After I had breakfast, I pretty much just hung around the apartment. I watched some TV and just enjoyed the day. Until dinner, when I knew I had to go to Steph's parent's house. Grandma Mazur was waiting at the door when I pulled up.

"What do you think of my new hair?" she asked. It was punk-rock-star red and stuck out in little spikes. I smiled at her.

"I love it. It really brings out the color of your eyes." I told her, enjoying the craziness that is Grandma Mazur.

"It's a wig. I got it at the mall today. Me and Mabel Burlew went shopping. I just got home. I missed all the excitement when everybody thought you shot someone again."

"What about shooting someone? Do you need a lawyer? I'd give you a real good rate." Kloughn said, coming up behind me.

"I don't need a lawyer." I told him, cutting him off.

"Too bad. I could use a high-profile case. That's what really helps your practice to take off. You gotta win something big." He said.

"What do you think of my hair?" Grandma Mazur asked.

"It's nice. I like it. It's real natural looking." Kloughn answered.

"It's a wig, I got it at the mall." Grandma answered. I was fighting my smile, I just love conversations that involve Grandma Mazur.

"Maybe that's what I should get. Maybe I'd get more cases if I had more hair. A lot of people don't like bald men. Not that I'm bald, but it's starting to get thin." Kloughn said, smoothing his few remaining strands of hair back. "You probably didn't notice that it was thin, but I can tell when the light hits it just right."

"You should try that chemical stuff you pour on your head. My friend Lois Grizen uses it and she grew some hair. Only problem was she used it at night and it rubbed off on her pillow and got on her face and now she has to shave twice a day." Grandma said.

"I always wondered what was wrong with her. I saw her in the deli last week and she looked like Wolfman. I thought she had a sex change." Steph's father said, looking up from his paper.

"I have everything on the table. Come now before it gets cold. The bread will go stale." Steph's mother said.

Valerie was already at the table with her plate filled. Angie sat patiently waiting for food to be passed, with her hands folded. Mary Alice, thundered down the stairs and galloped into the room as we all sat down. Mary Alice believed she was a horse and I found it quite adorable. I always loved reading about Mary Alice, she just seemed like such a cool kid.

"Blackie tinkled in my bedroom and I had to clean it up. That's why I'm late. Blackie couldn't help it. He's just a baby horse and he doesn't know any better." Mary Alice said.

"Blackie's a new horse, isn't he?" Grandma asked. I was already thinking of her as part of my family, my grandma. I'm not sure why but I wondered if I would ever consider the others my family as well, or if I would always think of them as Steph's.

"Yep. He came to play with me just today."

"It was nice of you to clean it up," Grandma said,

"Next time you should put his nose in it, I heard that works." Kloughn added.

Valerie looked around the table, folded her hands, bowed her head and said "Thank God for this food." Then, she dug in.

Everyone crossed themselves, mumbled _thank god_ and started eating.

There was a knock on the front door and I froze. I had hoped this wouldn't happen, I thought I had made it clear to him that we were over.

Morelli walked in. "Is there room for me?" he asked.

"No!" I said, as Steph's mother said "Of course."

She then turned to glare at me. "There's always room for you. I set an extra in case you could make it." she said, smiling at Joe.

I hadn't noticed the extra plate before. Morelli sat down next to me and smiled and winked at me. I just rolled my eyes and tried to ignore him.

Grandma shoveled a piece of lasagna onto her plate. "I've got to get the facts straight on the shooting. Mitchell Farber just got laid out and Mabel and me are going to his viewing at Stiva's funeral parlor right after dinner, and people are gonna be on me like white on rice." she said.

"There's not much to tell. I stopped for lunch and the man eating across from me was shot. No one knows why, but it's not a great neighborhood. It was probably just one of those things." I said.

"One of those things! Accidentally dinging your car with a shopping cart is one of those things. Having someone shot right in front of you is _not _one of those things. Why were you is such a bad neighborhood? Can't you find a decent place to have lunch? What were you thinking?" Steph's mother said.

"I bet there's more to it than that. I bet you were after a bad guy. Were you packin' heat?" Grandma asked.

"No. I was just having lunch." I said.

"You aren't giving me a lot to work with here." Grandma said.

"Were you there?" Kloughn asked Morelli.

"Yep." he answered.

"Boy, it must be something to be a cop. You get to do all kinds of cool stuff. And you're always in the middle of everything. Right there where the action is." Kloughn said. "So what do you think about Stephanie being there? I mean, she was sitting right across from this guy, right? How far away? Two feet? Three feet?"

Morelli sent me a sideways glance and then looked back at Kloughn. "Three feet."

"And you're not freaked? If it was me, I'd be freaked. But hey, I guess that's the way it is with cops and bounty hunters. Always in the middle of the shooting." Kloughn said.

"I'm never in the middle of the shooting. I'm plainclothes. I investigate. The only time my life is in danger is when I'm with Stephanie." Joe said. I had to bite my cheek to stop myself from yelling at him.

"How about last week?" Grandma asked. I relaxed and smiled a little at the conversation that was coming. "I heard from Loretta Beeber that you were almost killed in some big shoot-out. Loretta said you had to jump out of Terry Gilman's second-story bedroom window."

I turned to face Joe, trying to keep a straight face. He froze with his fork halfway to his mouth. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"You jumped out of Terry Gilman's window?" I asked.

"I told you." he said.

"I think I would of remembered that." I told him.

"It was that day you wanted to go out for pizza and I said I had to work."

"And?"

"And that was it. I told you I had to work. Can we discuss this later?" he said.

"No, we can't. It doesn't bother me. You can see Terry Gilman all you want." I said, smiling at him. I started eating again, enjoying the shocked look on his face.

There was a silence in the room for a minute. Then Kloughn broke it, " I've never jumped out of a window, I thought people just did that in the movies. You're the first person I've ever met who jumped out of as window. And a bedroom window, too. Did you have your clothes on?" he asked.

"Yeah. I had my clothes on." Joe answered.

"How about your shoes? Did you have your shoes on?"

"_Yes. _I had my shoes on." Joe said, trying to control his temper. I really didn't want to have to listen to the rest of the dinner conversation.

"Sorry. I have to go. I have plans." I said, standing up and walking out the door. Not giving anyone a chance to stop me.

I jumped into my car and started driving to my apartment. I called Ranger on my way and asked him to meet me at my apartment, I wanted to show him the email and ask if he could trace it somehow. He said he would be there in five minutes.

I had just pulled into my lot and was getting out of the car when another car pulled in. Morelli. He jumped out of his car and came over to me.

"What did you mean I can see Terry Gilman all I want? You don't care?" He pretty much screamed in my face. I rolled my eyes at him and turned to go inside. He grabbed my arm to stop me.

Another car pulled in then. Ranger. He got out of his car and started walking over to us. I pulled my arm away from Joe and was going to tell him to leave, when I heard a _Phunf_.

My eyes widened as I remembered the tranquilizer dart that was going to hit me. Then, Joe dropped to the ground. I looked down at him and realized he had been hit instead of me. Ranger froze and looked at me, then down at Joe, then he looked up at me again and smiled. I smiled back and then started laughing. I probably shouldn't be enjoying Joe being hit with a tranquilizer but I just couldn't help it.


	20. Chapter 20

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own the Stephanie Plum series. _

**Not Quite Right**

By

Kole

Chapter 20

Ranger looked around and then back at me.

"Babe, what happened?" Ranger asked.

"He got hit with a tranquilizer dart. We should probably call an ambulance or something." I said, with a huge smile still on my face.

It didn't take long for the ambulance to arrive. The paramedics were checking Joe out and there was a few cops here and a small crowd, watching. Me and Ranger were standing next to Joe. I still had a small smile on my face. It was hard for me to feel bad about Joe getting hit with the dart.

Joe started to come around while the paramedic was taking his blood pressure.

"Ugh." he grunted.

"Joe?" I said. "How do you feel?" I asked, after he opened his eyes.

"Like I was hit by a truck."

"He's looking better." the paramedic said, to me.

The paramedic helped Joe sit up and I noticed Ranger stepped back. I looked at him and tried to silently yell at him not to leave.

"We should take him to St. Francis to have him checked by a doctor, they might want to keep him overnight." the paramedic said, causing me to look back at him.

"What happened?" Joe asked.

"You were hit with a tranquilizer dart. You're fine." I told him, trying not to smile.

"I'm not going to the hospital." Joe said, to the paramedic.

"Your call." the paramedic told me.

"Her call? Why the hell is it her call?" Joe asked, angry.

I rolled my eyes and the paramedic ignored Joe. I was defiantly not going to stay with him.

"Take him to the hospital." I said.

"What?" Joe said, getting louder. The paramedic started helping Joe up and into the ambulance.

"Jeez. What was I shot with, an elephant gun?"

"Actually, I think it was more large dog size." I said.

"Oh great. I was shot with a dog dart." he said, right before the ambulance doors closed. The ambulance drove off and I turned around and found Ranger still standing there, waiting for me.

He walked over and put his hand on the small of my back and started leading me into my apartment. I figured the cops and the crowd would all leave soon enough. When we got up to my apartment the door was open.

Ranger froze and then told me to wait here. He pulled his gun out and then went to search the apartment.

"All clear." he said, when he came back out.

I walked in and shut and locked the door behind me. I noticed the red rose on the table with a white card in a plastic evidence bag next to it. I walked over to it and flipped the card over so I could read it. I felt Ranger come stand behind me, reading over my shoulder.

_You should be more careful. If you make it too easy, the fun will be gone._

It was typed on the card. It really freaked me out, even if I was expecting it. I wasn't the one who got hit with the tranquilizer dart, but I still didn't like knowing that I was still a target.

I really had to find a way to stop Clyde. Either that or tell Ranger and I was just too scared to tell him yet. I looked back at him. He was looking at the card and then glanced at the rose, then looked at me.

"This is creepy." I said, setting the card down. Ranger pulled me into a hug.

"You still think its Clyde?" He asked, rubbing small circles on my back still hugging me.

"Yeah. I really do or at least it has to do with him." I said. Ranger stopped hugging me long enough to grab my hand and pull me over to the couch and onto his lap.

"I didn't find anything on him. He's clean. I have one of my guys watching him. He hasn't been anywhere near you or talked to anyone besides his brothers." Ranger said. I was surprised. He hadn't found any thing that would point towards Clyde and he still put a man on him. He trusted my judgment. Well, Steph's judgment, but still.

"Thanks." I said to him.

"Anytime, Babe." he said and I smiled at him.

"I think he might use his computer." I told him, hoping he would be able to find something.

"I'll see what I can do." he said. Then, he set me onto the couch next to him and stood up. He leaned down and put his hand on the side of my face, then he kissed me. He pressed his lips against mine, softly. It wasn't a normal Ranger kiss, it was sweet. He pulled away and said, "Babe." Then, he was gone.

Well, what the hell was I supposed to make of that. I sat there for a few minutes, trying to get my head around everything. I shook my head and got up to get a shower.

After my shower, I climbed in bed and went to sleep. I figured I could think better after I had some sleep.

When I woke up in the morning, I did my routine. I ran 6 miles again today. This time I took my gun with me while I ran. I'll admit that I was scared. I knew what had happened in the book, but it wasn't happening the same anymore.

I got a shower, when I got back from my run. I made breakfast and ate it while I checked my email, knowing there would be another one. As I waited for it to load, I realized I didn't get the chance to tell Ranger about the emails. I would have to tell him today.

_Now the hunter is the hunted. Know that next time I won't miss. How does it feel? Does it excite you? Are you prepared to die?_

This note was different than in the book, as well. I didn't like this. I was hoping Ranger could get something off of Clyde's computer, something that proved he was behind everything.

I turned off the computer and put my dishes in the sink. I grabbed my purse and gun, then left for the bond's office. I stopped for donuts on my way.

As soon as I walked into the bond's office, Lula and Connie each grabbed a donut.

"Joe was shot with a tranquilizer dart last night, in front of my building." I announced while they were eating. They both froze and turned to look at me. I had a smile on my face.

"Get out! Did you do it?" Lula asked, after a second.

"No, I didn't do it. I think they were aiming for me, but hit Joe instead. Not that I'm complaining. Before you ask who did it, I don't know, the police are investigating." I said.

"That's gotta be real scary. Knowing someone mighta been tryin' to hit you, but I bet it was real enjoyable watching Super Cop get hit." Lula said, with a huge smile on her face. I smiled right back her and had to bite my bottom lip to keep from laughing.

"Thought so." She said. Connie was smiling and nodding her head around the donut she was eating.

"Any skips for me?" I asked.

"I only have two high bond FTA's that would usually go to Ranger." she said.

"I'll take them." I said. She shrugged and handed me two files. Tyler Salick, armed robbery and assault with a deadly weapon. Rodger Dale, murder. Yep, today was going to be interesting.


	21. Chapter 21

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own the Stephanie Plum series. _

**Not Quite Right**

By

Kole

Chapter 21

"You coming Lula?" I asked.

"Yeah. You bet your skinny ass I'm coming. Got nothing to do around here." she said.

"You could do some filing, you know your job?" Connie said, to her.

"Yeah, but Steph needs me. She can't be running all over by herself, not with some crazy running around trying to kill her." Lula said, standing up and making her way to the door.

I looked at Connie, rolled my eyes and followed Lula out the door to her Firebird.

"Who we doing first?" Lula asked, as we started driving.

"Tyler Salick. I have a home address for him and his sisters address also. She's the one who posted his bail. There's just an address for Rodger Dale, Connie's searches show it's a drycleaner." I said, looking through the files.

I told Lula the address for Tyler Salick and let my mind wander as we drove. How was I going to prove Clyde was the killer? How was I going to tell Ranger who I am? And what the hell was that kiss from Ranger last night supposed to mean?

I had so many questions and no answers. I really needed to figure out Steph's life, or well my life now. First, I had to work on the Clyde problem. I needed to go get prove that he was the Webmaster. Then I needed to talk with Ranger. Tell him everything, and find out what was with the kiss.

I didn't get to think about anything else because we had parked in front of Tyler Salick's house. It was a actually an apartment building, close to Stark Street.

"This here says he lives in 3B. We gonna go kick his door down?" Lula asked, pulling her gun out of her purse. I just rolled my eyes and started walking to the building.

I pulled my gun out of the back of my jeans where I placed it this morning, as I got to the door for 3B. Lula stood on one side of the door and I stood on the other. I knocked and waited. The door was opened by Tyler Salick. I introduced myself, keeping my gun in my hand, at my side.

Tyler slammed the door shut once he heard "bond enforcement." I had put my foot between the door when it opened, so I pushed the door open. Tyler swung at me and I ducked. I swung my foot out and hit his legs, knocking him to the floor. I stood up and pointed my gun at his head.

"Don't move!" I yelled at him. He looked up and then froze.

"Turn over and keep your hands where I can see them." I said. He did as I said and Lula put him in handcuffs while I kept my gun on him.

"Damn, that was awesome girl!" Lula said, as I pulled Salick up off the ground. Salick was screaming that I was going to regret this. I just pushed him down to the car while he struggled. Lula helped me get him into the car and then she stared at me.

"What?" I asked

"You been acting different, white girl. More…I don't know, just different." Lula answered. I froze.

"Yeah. I'm different. Lets get this idiot processed and then we'll talk." I said to her, worrying at what was going to happen.

"Alright. We drop him off at the cop shop but then you gonna be telling me everything." Lula said, getting in the car. I took a deep breath then got in the car as well.

While we were in the car, on the way to the cop shop, I noticed the cooler on the backseat with Tyler Salick.

"Are you still on the diet? Is that cooler filled with vegetables?" I asked, knowing the answer but wanting something to fill the silence besides the swearing of Salick.

"Hell no. That was a bogus diet. You could waste away and die on that diet. I'm on a new diet. This here's the all protein diet that I'm on. I'm going to be a supermodel in no time on this diet. All I have to do is stay away from carbs. Carbohydrates are the enemy. I can eat all the meat and eggs and cheese I want, but I can't eat any bread or starch or any of that shit. Like, I can have a burger but I can't eat the roll. And I can only eat the cheese and grease on the pizza. Can't eat the crust." Lula said.

"You're nuts lady." Tyler Salick said from the backseat. Lula just grunted in response.

"So what's on the cooler?" I asked.

"Meat. I got ribs and rotisserie chicken and a pound of crispy bacon. I can eat meat until I grow a tail and moo. This is the _best _diet. I can eat things in this diet that I haven't been able to eat in years."

"Like what?"

"Like bacon."

"You always eat bacon." I said.

"Yeah, but I always feel guilty. It's the guilt that puts the weight on." Lula told me, as she pulled into the cop shop.

"I'll wait here for you. You take Mr. Ugly back there in, then we gonna talk." Lula said to me. I nodded and pulled Tyler Salick out of the backseat.

I pushed Salick into the cop shop and went to get my receipt. On my way out, I saw Morelli. I smiled at him and waved a little. He smiled back and I left before he had a chance to come talk to me. I really didn't have time for that right now.

I got back to the car and Lula started driving. She drove for a few minutes before she pulled over. I didn't recognize where we were.

"You gonna tell me what's been goin on with you, now, white girl?" Lula asked.

I just looked at her for a second. She seemed to really want to know and I really needed to tell someone. I wanted someone to know.

"Okay, Lula. You're right. I am different." I said. Then I told her. I told her everything. Told her that I wasn't Steph. Told her about the books and about Ranger. I didn't tell her about what happened in the books that happened after the one I was currently in, I wasn't sure how much had been changed as it was.

We were there for almost an hour while I told her everything and she didn't interrupt me, except at the beginning when she thought I was joking. She had been quiet for a while after I finished talking. I knew she was processing everything, but I was kind of nervous about what she was going to say.

Lula turned to look at me. She opened her mouth and closed it a couple times.

"Damn, white girl."


	22. Chapter 22

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own the Stephanie Plum series. _

**AN: People keep saying they didn't want to read my story, based on my summary. I think I'm going to write a new one. Any ideas?**

**Not Quite Right**

By

Kole

_Previously…_

_We were there for almost an hour while I told her everything and she didn't interrupt me, except at the beginning when she thought I was joking. She had been quiet for a while after I finished talking. I knew she was processing everything, but I was kind of nervous about what she was going to say._

_Lula turned to look at me. She opened her mouth and closed it a couple times. "Damn, white girl."_

Chapter 22

"Lula. You ok?" I asked, after Lula had stared at me for a few minutes.

"Yeah. Yeah. I'm good. Still kinda processin' it all though." Lula said, while she started the car again.

"Right. Of course. I know I'm not Steph and it's weird, but I hope we can be friends. I'll leave you alone though, let you process." I said. Lula nodded at me and drove in the direction of the bonds office. I hoped she wanted to still be my friend, even if I wasn't Stephanie, it would be nice to have someone who knew who I really was and could help me figure everything out.

When we pulled up to the office, we both saw the black truck immediately. It was a new Dodge Ram, Ranger's favorite.

"Looks like Batman is here, White Girl." Lula said, looking over at me with a look in her eyes. That look and the way she just called me 'White Girl' told me she was my friend and on my side.

"Guess we better go see what he wants then." I told her with smile, getting out of the Firebird.

I followed Lula into the office. Connie was at her desk, head down, shuffling papers and Vinnie's door was closed. Ranger was slouched in a chair, elbows on the arms, fingers steepled in front of him, his dark and intense eyes watching us.

"Ranger." I said, smiling at him. I was nervous. The last time I saw Ranger he gave me that kiss, the one that was sweet and loving and so not Ranger. I tried not to let my nervousness show.

Ranger unfolded himself, crossed the room and stood very close to me.

"We need to talk." he said. I knew what he wanted to talk about and it wasn't what I thought we needed to talk about. I was also fairly certain that I was way to big a baby to start _that_ conversation.

"Sure." I said.

"Now. Outside." I really didn't want to take orders from him and that felt like an order, but since I had agreed to talk to him I followed him outside.

"Get in the truck." Ranger said. "I feel like driving."

I looked at him for a second, then shrugged my shoulders and got into the truck. Ranger's eyes widened slightly and he stood there a second longer than necessary and then he also got into the truck and started to drive.

"You got in the truck." Ranger said, slightly shocked. A smirk made its way onto my face. It was so much fun to shock Ranger.

"Well, I decided it was a tiny bit less dangerous to get into the truck with you, then to stand outside and be a potential target for a sniper." I told him, using what he said in the book.

"Just a tiny bit less dangerous, Babe?" he asked, genuinely curious.

"Well, I guess you're a different kind of dangerous. Aren't you?" I said to him, regretting it as soon as I said it. He raised one of his eyebrows.

"Explain." he said, in a demanding voice.

"Maybe later. What did you want to talk about?" I asked, as we pulled up to a restaurant. "I thought you felt like driving?"

"That was the original plan, but you smell like rotisserie chicken and it's making me hungry."

"It's from Lula. She's on this diet where she eats meat all day." I told him, as we walked into the restaurant. We got a table and ordered.

"Okay. Talk to me." Ranger said, obviously meaning the case.

I filled him in on the emails I had been getting. He just sat motionless.

"Every lead I get ends up in the toilet," I told him.

"Well, you must be doing something right. Someone wants to kill you. That's always a good sign."

"That's one way to look at it." I said, laughing slightly.

Ranger pulled out a manila folder and handed it to me.

"That's everything I found on Clyde Cone and his brothers."

I read through the file. There wasn't anything new to me in it. There was a copy of the article about Lillian Paressi. She looked a lot like Steph, me.

"She looks a little like you, babe, you want to be careful." Ranger said, tucking a curl behind my ear. Ranger looked at my empty plate.

"Do you have room for dessert?" he asked, I just looked at him. I might not be Stephanie but I still never turned down dessert. I also knew what he wanted me to do and I was totally open to eating pie, even if it wouldn't get me any new information.

"You're going to have dessert at the Blue Bird luncheonette. I bet they have good pie. And while you're eating the pie you talk to the waitress. Maybe she knew Paressi."

Halfway across town, I looked in the side mirror and saw Tank following us like I knew he would be. I also knew he didn't have to. Not when I knew everything that was supposed to happen.

"Why is Tank following us?" I asked.

"Tank's following you." Ranger answered, telling me what I already knew. I just let it go because I knew it was going to be fun to watch Tank interact with Lula.

We went to the Blue Bird and I had pie and Ranger had coffee. We learned exactly what I knew we would learn. Lillian had been dating some guy named Scrugs and she gotten the same flowers that I had gotten before she died. She also had a neighbor named Carl.

We found Carl's place but he wasn't home. Ranger dropped me back off at the bonds office and told me he'd pick me back up at five to try Carl's place again.

When I walked into the bonds office to give Connie my body receipt for Salick, I noticed Mrs. Apusenja sitting on the couch. Oh joy, I thought sarcastically, this should be fun.


	23. Chapter 23

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own the Stephanie Plum series. _

**Not Quite Right**

By

Kole

_Previously…_

_We found Carl's place but he wasn't home. Ranger dropped me back off at the bonds office and told me he'd pick me back up at five to try Carl's place again._

_When I walked into the bonds office to give Connie my body receipt for Salick, I noticed Mrs. Apusenja sitting on the couch. Oh joy, I thought sarcastically, this should be fun._

Chapter 23

Mrs. Apusenja was sitting on the couch with her arms crossed and her lips pressed tightly together. She jumped up when I walked in and pointed her finger at me.

"You!", she yelled. "What do you do all day? Do you look for Samuel Singh? Do you look for poor little Boo? Where are they? Why haven't you found them?"

Connie rolled her eyes. I was expecting Mrs. Apusenja to say all this but it still annoyed me.

"Hunh," Lula said from behind a filing cabinet.

"I've only been looking for a few days…" I told her. I knew it was pointless but I also knew I was going to be finding Singh and Boo soon and then I wouldn't have to deal with her anymore.

"This is the fourth day. Do you know what I think? I think you don't know what you're doing. I want someone new on the case. I _demand_ someone new." Mrs. Apusenja said.

We all looked at the door to Vinnie's office. It was closed and locked. There was silence behind the door. I just leaned against the wall and watched. It really didn't bother me what Mrs. Apusenja said, I found it annoying but mostly I just ignored it.

Connie got up and pounded on Vinnie's door. No response.

"Hey, Mrs. Apusenja wants to talk to you. Open the door!" Connie yelled.

The door still didn't open. Connie got the key out of her desk and opened Vinnie's door.

"Guess you didn't hear me, Mrs. Apusenja wants to talk to you." Connie said, standing hand on hip, looking at Vinnie. Vinnie came to the door and smiled an oily smile at Mrs. Apusenja.

"Nice to see you again. Do you have some new information for us?" he asked.

"I have this for you. The new information is that I will go to the papers if you do not find Samuel Singh. I will ruin you. How does it look for my Nonnie? People will talk. And he owes me two weeks' rent. Who will pay that?"

"Of course we'll find him." Vinnie said. "I've got my best man looking for Singh. And Stephanie's helping him."

"You are a boil on the backside of your profession." Mrs. Apusenja said and then left. I laughed and then covered my mouth with my hand when Vinnie shot me a glare.

"How many years have I been in this business? A lot of years, right?" Vinnie asked. "And I'm good at it. I'm good at writing bond. I do a service for the community. Does the honest law-abiding taxpayer have to pay my salary? No. Does the city of Trenton have to hire cops to go find their scofflaws? No. All because of me. I go get the scumbags at no cost to the general population. I risk my neck!"

Connie, Lula, and I all raised our eyebrows.

"Well, okay, I risk _Stephanie's_ neck." Vinnie said. "But it's all in the family, right?"

"Yeesh," Lula said.

"I should have let Sebring write the damn visa bond," Vinnie said. " What was I thinking?"

I knew that Sebring meant Les Sebring, Vinnie's competitor and the one of the largest bail bonds agency in the Trenton area.

"So what are you doing standing here?" Vinnie asked, flapping his arms. "Go find him, for crissake." Vinnie looked around and sniffed the air. "What's that smell? It smells like roast leg of lamb."

"It was my afternoon snack," Lula said. "I got it delivered from the Greek deli. I'm on the all-you-can-eat meat diet. I didn't eat the whole leg, though. I don't want to go overboard."

"Yeah," Connie said. "She only ate half a leg."

Vinnie stepped back into his office and closed and locked the door.

"Sounds like we should go find this guy," Lula said. "You got any ideas?"

"No."

"Me either. I think this diet's clogging things up inside me. This isn't a creative thinker's diet. You need Cheez Doodles to do that shit. And birthday cake. The kind with the lard icing and the big pink and yellow icing roses." Lula said.

Connie and I looked at her.

"Not that I'm gonna eat anything like that ever again," Lula said. " I was just saying that's why I haven't got any good ideas."

I knew this was where I was supposed to ask Lula for a ride to drop my car off at Morelli's, but I wasn't dating Morelli anymore so I couldn't do that. I was kind of disappointed that I wouldn't get to see the Lula, Tank, and Bob interaction.

Then I had a great idea. I am assuming that Steph has clothes at Morelli's and since I have a key to his house, I could just go over there saying I wanted to get my clothes. It wasn't like Morelli was going to be there anyway. I asked Lula if she would ride with me to go over and get my clothes.

"Hell yeah. I could use some air. It's too nice to be inside on a day like today. And besides, it smells like leg of lamb in here. This office needs some ventilation." Lula said.

We weren't far when Lula looked in her rearview mirror. "I think we're being followed. That black SUV pulled out right after us and now he's sitting on our bumper."

"It's Tank. Ranger thinks I need a baby-sitter, but its okay I don't really mind. I like Tank or well I will like Tank in the future. Ow, I think I'm giving myself a headache." I told Lula, as I rubbed my forehead. Lula took another look in the mirror.

"He's fine. He's not as hot as Ranger. But he's fine all the same. I wouldn't mind having my way with him. So you guys are gonna be friends in the future? Damn, White Girl, that does sound weird." Lula said.

"Yeah, we are gonna be friends and you might just get the chance to get to know him better as well." I said, smiling at her.

"You mean what I think you mean?" Lula asked, her eyes going wide. I just winked at her as we pulled up to Morelli's house.

We got out of the Firebird and Lula went to ask me more when Tank also got out of his car. Tank is about six foot six and is built like, well, a tank. He hasn't an once of fat on him. He wears his hair in a Marine buzz cut and he was dressed in desert cammies.

"You know Lula, I forgot Tank was following me today. He can chauffer me around if you'd like to go back to the office." I said to Lula, knowing what she would say.

"What are you, crazy? If I go back there I'll have to file. And Vinnie's there. Vinnie creeps me out these days. All he does is mope around, worrying about Samuel Singh. It's unnatural. Vinnie's usually out having a nooner with a goat. I hate having him just hang around the office."

Tank smiled at the part about the nooner, but he didn't say anything. I knew he wouldn't, but I knew he also found Lula amusing. I smiled because I knew she would get more amusing soon.

"Are you going in? I hope you're going in because I've never been in Morelli's house. I'm dying to see the inside. What's the décor? Modern? Traditional? Colonial?" Lula asked.

"I wouldn't know." I said, with a shrug. Lula looked at me confused and then her eyes got slightly bigger and she nodded. "Right, yeah. I forgot." she said, and smiled at me.

Tank looked at me with a confused look on his face and when he noticed me looking at him his blank face reappeared. I smiled at him a little.

I went up to the door and had to try a couple keys to find the right one. I opened the door and Bob the dog rushed out at us. He looked from Tank to Lula to me then his head swung back to Lula and he gave a loud _woof_.

"What the…" Lula said, I tried to hide my smile because I knew what was going to happen next.

Bob gave another _woof, _chomped down on Lula's purse, ripped it out of her hand, and took off out the door and down the street.

"Hey," Lula yelled. "Come back with that! That's my purse!" She looked to Tank. "Do something. I paid good money for that purse."

Tank whistled, but Bob paid no attention. Bob was at the end of the block, tearing the purse to shreds. We jogged down to Bob and found him gnawing on a pork chop.

"That was my snack," said Lula. "It was barbecue. I was looking forward to that pork chop."

I grabbed Bob by his collar and started dragging him back to Morelli's house. I was laughing inside and I was trying very hard not to let it show.

"I'm on a diet," Lula explained to Tank. "The fat just melts away on this diet, but you've gotta eat lots of pork chops."

I locked Bob in the house and Lula and I drove back to the office with Tank following us.

"That was sort of embarrassing," Lula said. "It's hard to explain a pork chop in your purse."

"Yeah, sorry about that. I should of warned you." I said, looking sheepish.

"You knew that was gonna happen, White Girl?" she asked, angry.

"Look Lula, yes I knew but it had to happen. I mean if you want to have any chance with Tank it had to." I told her, quickly, in my defense. Which granted might not be completely true, but it did make Tank notice her and I know that that was a good thing.

"Hunh, well then I guess I can let it go." she said. I felt relived. I knew I should of warned her, but it was too funny and besides I kind of did it on purpose.

"You did that on purpose didn't you?" she asked. I looked over at her shocked, thinking I must have spoken out loud.

"Why would you ask that?" I asked.

"Cause we went over there to get you Steph's clothes and you didn't get no clothes." she said, slightly smug. I laughed and shook my head.

"I guess I kinda messed up with that one huh?"

"Ya think" Lula said laughing a little. "You wanna go to the mall? We can go shopping and I can get a new purse."

"Can't. Ranger's picking me up at five o'clock at the bonds office." I told her.

"He is? Why he be picking you up? Does he know about you not being Steph anymore?" Lula asked.

"Yes he is. We are going to talk to some guy named Carl who isn't really going to help us but I want to spend time with Ranger anyway and no he doesn't know. Or well at least I haven't told him yet. I'm still working on how to tell him, but I think he suspects something."

"Well, he is Batman. He knows everything." Lula said, as we pulled up to the bonds office.

At precisely five, I saw Ranger's truck ease to a stop in front of the bonds office. I grabbed my bag and my jacket and went out to meet him. The instant I got in beside Ranger I saw Tank peel away and take off.

"I thought he was supposed to be guarding my body," I said to Ranger, slightly cautiously because I wasn't sure how he was going to answer.

Ranger looked at me with dark eyes. "It's my turn to guard your body, babe."

Oh boy. I was expecting that, but still after that kiss he gave me I wasn't sure. I was still very confused about the kiss, but if he wasn't going to bring it up neither was I, well not yet anyway.

"Tell me about Clyde Cone," I said to Ranger, he had said he was going to go and check out his apartment and look into locating his computer. "Was his house filled with florist bills? Photos of murdered women? Body parts in the freezer?"

"None of the above. He has minimum furniture. A bed, a chair, a table, a desk. No computer on the desk, but there appeared to be a cable so I'm guessing he carries it with him. He had a television and a bunch of comic books. Some action figures." Ranger explained.

"I had one of my guys check Bart Cone's apartment as well. I know you don't think he's involved and neither do I, but I figured I should still look into it. He had even less furniture than Clyde, no TV, no comic books or action figures." Ranger continued.

"Sounds like Bart's wife had a good divorce lawyer." I said.

"Bart had minimum food in the refrigerator. His medicine chest was filled with antidepressants and sleeping pills."

"Do you think he's crazy?" I asked. I knew I was just repeating what they said in the book almost exactly, but I was trying to figure out a way to get Clyde arrested and get the game to stop without actually changing the book too much. I liked knowing what was going to happen, it made me feel safe. If I changed too much, I wouldn't know what might happen next.

"I think he has no life. I think he's the job." Ranger answered.

"Like us." I said and Ranger looked over at me.

"You have a life. You shop for shoes. You eat Butterscotch Krimpets. You have a hamster. And you have a scary family." I had to smile at that. I was happy he didn't mention Morelli in this speech though, it sounded better.

It was close to 5:30 when we reached the apartment house of Carl Rosen. Ranger pulled into the driveway parked in a small lot to the rear of the house. We took the back entrance and went directly to the second floor. We knocked on Carl Rosen's door. No one answered. Ranger crossed the hall and knocked on 2A. A woman in her fifties opened the door and peered out.

"We're looking for Carl Rosen," Ranger said. "I don't suppose you've seen him."

"No," the women said. " I haven't see him, but he's usually home by now. Sorry."

The woman went back into her apartment. Her door closed and three locks clicked into place. Ranger paced away from the door, called Tank, and asked him to run a basic information check on Rosen. I could of told him what Tank would find. Carl Rosen worked at a hospital. He drove a '94 blue Honda Civic. He wasn't married. Three minutes later, Tank told all this to Ranger as well as previous addresses and jobs and a list of relatives.

Ranger disconnected and knocked on more time on Rosen's door. When no one answered, Ranger slid a slim tool into the lock and opened the door. He left me outside to do lookout and he went into the apartment.

Ten minutes later, Ranger walked out of the apartment and locked the door behind him. "I can't remember the last time I broke into so many places and found so little," Ranger said. "Not even a computer. Just the power cord plugged into the wall. Either Rosen takes his laptop with him like Clyde Cone or someone's gone through his apartment in front of us."

"Now what?"

"Now we wait."


	24. Chapter 24

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own the Stephanie Plum series. _

**Not Quite Right**

By

Kole

Chapter 24

I knew I would still be here with Ranger at nine o'clock. We were sitting on the floor outside Rosen's apartment, backs to the wall, legs outstretched. We havent talked since we have been sitting here. I was considering talking about the kiss and trying to figure out if he knew anything or not, but then I chickened out.

"My ass is asleep, " I said to Ranger, starting the same conversation in the book.

"And you'd like me to do something about it?" Ranger asked.

"Just making conversation. "

"There are a lot of reasons why Rosen might not be home yet, but I have a bad feeling in my gut that this isn't going to turn out good, " Ranger said.

"How much longer do you want to sit here?"

"Let's give him until ten."

Carl Rosen never came home, just like I knew he wouldn't. It was late by the time Ranger dropped me off at home. And I was tired. Spending time with Ranger was an odd experience. I loved being near him, I just wish I wasn't so scared to talk to him about everything.

I had one task left before going to bed. I needed to check my email. Not a pleasant experience since I knew what it would say, hopefully anyway. I knew there'd be a message from the killer.

I signed onto Steph's email and waited for it to appear. A chill slid along my spine when I saw the subject line tally ho.

_Dear prey, the email began, so sorry you couldn't get to talk to Carl, but that might have ruined the hunt. Alas, it's necessary to eliminate participants. After all, this is a survival game, isn't it?_

The email scared me. A lot. I knew it would say that and yet I was still terrified. I knew that if I could just work up the courage to explain everything to Ranger he would do everything in his power to keep me safe and stop Clyde. Or well I hope he would still do that once he knew.

I went to bed that night, with my gun under my pillow. When I woke up in the morning, I went for my run and did my morning routine. As I made my breakfast, I called Ranger and told him about the latest email.

"I don't suppose you've seen Carl Rosen this morning?" I asked, already knowing the answer. I was too scared right now to change the story too much just yet.

"No. His car hasn't surfaced. And he didn't show up for work. "

"Is Tank out there? I didn't see him."

"He saw you. He said you went on a run. He said he estimated you went about six miles. What's that about Babe? Since when do you run?" he asked. Oh crap, I forgot about Tank when I went running earlier.

"I just started running. I figured I should get in shape." I answered, truthfully. Well, it was the truth just not all of it.

"Hmm…" Ranger said. And he was gone. Right, still have to work on his phone skills.

After I ate breakfast, I got dressed. I was on my way out the door when I thought about it and went back to my bedroom. I packed a small bag with the things I thought I might need in Vegas. It was nice that I knew what was going to happen so I could be prepared. I left the bag on my bed, since I knew it would seem suspicious if I had it with me. I could just stop and pick it up later.

I left my apartment carrying my big leather shoulder bag and took off for the office in Big Blue. I was going to have to get a new car, soon. I had enough money to buy a new one, since I had been bringing in more dangerous skips. I would look into getting one after I got back from Vegas.

I turned onto Hamilton and Andrew Cone called. "I have something for you, " he said. "This is really good. Can you stop around?"

Andrew sounded excited. I knew what he wanted to talk about, but I told him I'd be there soon. I figured I should go to get all the information, even if Clyde was going to be in the building. Connie was at her desk when I swung in.

"Where's Lula?" I asked.

"She's up the street. She's still on the diet. Went through all her meat in a half hour and had to walk up to the coffee shop for some bacon. "

"Lula walked to the coffee shop? That's two blocks away. Lulanever walks anywhere. " I said, saying exactly what I said in the book. I mean what Steph said in the book. It was weird, I was starting to think of myself as Stephanie.

"She parked in back and got blocked in by someone. I guess she figured it was faster to walk. "

"She must have really needed the bacon. " I said, starting to smile because I had forgotten that this was going to happen.

"She was on a mission. "

I went over to the door, looked up the street, and spotted Lula at the end of the block. She was walking fast in her Via Spiga heels, holding a white food bag against her chest. Twodogs, a beagle and a golden retriever, trotted close behind Lula. A third dog crossed the street and joined the pack. Every couple steps Lula would turn and yell something at the dogs. When the beagle jumped for the bag when Lula was half a block away, Lula let out a shriek and started running.

"Stop running, " I yelled at her. "You're making it worse. They think it's a game. " They were snapping at her heels now and barking.

"Do something, " Lula yelled. "Shoot them!"

"Drop the bag! They want the bacon. "

"No way I'm giving up my bacon. "

Lula was running knees high, arms pumping. She was wearing the Via Spigas and a short black spandex skirt that was hiked up to her waist, showing Hamilton Avenue what a big woman looks like in a red satin thong. I was laughing slightly and also felt slightly guilty, this I could of warned Lula about. It had just slipped my mind.

"Open the door!" Lula shouted. "I can make it. I'm almost there. Just hold the damn door open!"

Lula tossed the dogs a slice of bacon from the bag, the dogs dove after the bacon, and Lula rushed past me into the office. I slammed the door shut and we all stood looking at the dogs milling around outside. Lula tugged her skirt down. "Tank's out there, isn't he?"

"Yep. "

"I explained pretty good about the pork chop, but I'm at a loss here. "

"It speaks for itself, " I said to Lula. Grease stains were starting to show through the bag.

"I love this diet, " Lula said. "I love pork chops. And I love ribs. And I love bacon. I love bacon most of all. " Lula was eating bacon like it was popcorn, chomping on it out of the bag, rolling her eyes in gastronomic ecstasy.

"How much bacon do you have there?" Connie wanted to know.

"Three pounds minus the one strip I gave up to the dogs. "

"Sounds like a lot of bacon, " Connie said.

"I'm pushing the boundaries of science here, " Lula said. "I'm gonna be a supermodel with a smile on my face on account of I'm gonna be full of bacon. "

"I need to go to TriBro, " I said. "I'm looking for someone to ride shotgun. "

"That would be me, " Lula said.

"You knew that was gonna happen also didn't cha?" Lula asked once we were in the car. I smiled sheepishly at her.

"I'm sorry, I forgot. I really did. I woulda warned you if I had remembered. I swear." I told her honestly.

"Hunh."

She and Tank waited in the lot while I went in to talk to Andrew Cone.

"This is really good, " Cone said. "I had to tell you this in person. First thing this morning I found an email from one of the people I do business with in Vegas. Bill Weber. He said Samuel Singh filled out a job application and Weber was emailing to check references. I got so excited, I called the guy. Got him out of bed. Forgot about the time change. "

"Singh's in Vegas? And he was dumb enough to list you as a reference?" Cone bobbed his head up and down, smiling wide.

"Yes. "

"I bet he even gave a street address." Which, I actually had to ask since I didn't have the address memorized.

"He did. " Cone slid a piece of paper my way with all the information neatly printed out.

"I told Weber about the visa bond and he's going to string Singh along until you get there. You're going to go get him, right?"

"Right. " Lula was looking kind of sick when I got back to the car.

"How much of that bacon did you eat?" I asked her.

"I ate it all. It didn't seem like so much while I was eating it, but it doesn't feel like it fits in my stomach now. " I shook my head at her.

"You know that this diet isn't going to work right?" I asked her.

"What you mean you've known that this diet wasn't going to make me a supermodel and you didn't tell me?" She asked, looking slightly angry.

"Sorry. I didn't think it would bother you that much since you seem to enjoy all the meat." I said, with a shrug. She seemed like she was going to argue then thought about it and realized I was right. She nodded her head at me and let it drop. I smiled a little at her. It was fun having Lula as a friend.

I called Ranger and told him about Singh. "He's in Vegas, waiting for you to go get him, " I said, knowing he couldn't go to Vegas.

"I'm having a small legal problem with Nevada on a weapons violation, " Ranger said. "You're going to have to make the capture. Take Tank. I don't want you to go alone. "

Good grief. I can alone. Well, acutally I will be going alone. Or well without Tank anyway.

Lula was up straight in her seat. "What's this about Vegas?"

"Samuel Singh is in Vegas and Ranger can't make the capture. So either I go or Vinnie farms the capture out to a Vegas agency. But I wont suggest it cause I know you want to go to Vegas and well so do I. "

Lula looked at me and blinked. "You were planning on takin me?"

"Ranger wants me to go with Tank, but of course your coming. So is Connie. Well she will be once we tell her about it. "

"I knew it, " Lula said. "I knew you wouldn't go without me. We're a team, right? We're like those two cops in the Lethal Weapon movies. We're like Mel Gibson and Danny Glover. "

Well, we could be if we were two different people.

The office was quiet when we walked in. No Mrs. Apusenja. No Vinnie. Only Connie, sitting at her desk, reading the latest Nora Roberts.

"I found Singh, " I told her. "He's in Vegas. "

"Vegas! I love Vegas, " Connie said.

"What do you want to do about this now that I've found him?" I asked Connie. "Can we forcibly bring him back? Has he violated his bond agreement?"

"The bond agreement states that he can't leave the tristate area without permission. So the answer is yes, you can forcibly bring him back. I'll page Vinnie to double-check, but I'm sure he'll want Singh brought back here. "

"Ranger can't go to Vegas to make the capture, " I told Connie.

Connie nodded. "He's got an outstanding weapons violation. Stepped on a few toes last time he was in Nevada. His lawyer's working on it. "

"So that leaves me, I guess, " I said. "And Lula. "

"I get the picture, " Connie said.

"And Tank, " I added. "Ranger said I should take Tank. "

"Anyone else?" Connie asked, turning to the computer. "You want a permit for a parade?"

"Boy, this here's going to be fun, " Lula said.

"Okay, here we go, " Connie said. "I've got us on a flight out of Newark at four o'clock. We have a plane change in Chicago and we arrive in Vegas at nine. It's not a direct flight, but it's the best I can do. "

"I hope you didn't think you were going without me. I'm feeling lucky. I'm going straight to the craps table. I'm not going to page Vinnie, either. I'm going to leave him a note. " she continued.

"Of course not. I figured you'd be coming." I told her. We didn't have a lot of time if we were going to catch a four o'clock flight.

"Here's the plan, " I said. "It doesn't make sense to take more than one car. I'll tell Tank he's driving and he can pick all of us up. Everyone go home and pack and be ready to go in an hour. And remember, there's tight security now. No guns, no knives, no pepper spray, no nail files. "

"What? How am I supposed to travel without a nail file?" Lula wanted to know.

"You have to put it in your suitcase and check your suitcase. "

"What if I break a nail getting onto the plane and I got to file it down?"

"You'll have to gnaw it down with your teeth. I'll get you in an hour. " Tank was parked in front of the bonds office and he was being surveillant. I went out to him and gave him the game plan. He said his assignment was to stick to me and he didn't need to pack.

"Not even a toothbrush?" I asked. "Not even an extra pair of tighty whiteys?"

Tank almost smiled. I knew he would but it was still interesting to see.

I ran to my car and took off for my apartment. When I got to my building I walked in. I took elevator. I wasn't in any hurry. I had already packed and I also wasn't very excited to see the pictures I knew would be there. Tank was at my door ahead of me. He opened my apartment door and stepped inside.

Four eight-by-ten glossies were spread across the floor. We bent to look at them without touching anything. They were photos of a man with half his head blown away. Like the first set of photos, they were enlarged to hide the victim's identity. My first thought, of course, was of Carl Rosen.

"Do you recognize him?" Tank asked.

"No." Tank closed the front door and gave me a gun.

"Stay here while I check the rest of the apartment. " Moments later he was back.

"No one here. No more photos that I can see. I didn't go through your drawers. "

"Okay," I said, "here's what we do. We leave these photos exactly where they are. We try not to disturb any prints that might have been left. I pack as fast as possible and we get the hell out. When we're ready to board I'll call Morelli. If I call him now I'll have to stay for questioning and we'll never make the plane. "

"Works for me, " Tank said.

Five minutes later I was out of the apartment, the bag I packed earlier slung over my shoulder. We left my car in the lot and took Tank's SUV. Connie lived in the Burg, so she was next on the pickup list. We beeped once when we pulled to the curb and Connie hustled out to us. Connie's house was a narrow single family, similar to Steph's parents' duplex, but half of Connie's house had been chopped away.

Lula lived on the other side of Hamilton, down by the train station. There wasn't a lot of money in the neighbor hood, but year after year it held its own. Lula rented a tiny two-room apartment on the second floor of a small house. The house was gray clapboard with touches of Victorian trim. The owner painted the trim pink. In a weird way it seemed just right for Lula. Lula was on the curb waiting when we drove down her street. She had two huge suitcases with her, a big leather purse hung on her shoulder, and she was holding a large canvas tote.

Tank smiled. "I bet they're all filled with pork chops. "

"We're only staying overnight, " I told Lula when she climbed into the backseat next to Connie.

"I know that, but I like to be prepared. And I couldn't decide what to wear. I got a whole suitcase filled with shoes. You can't go to Vegas without a change of shoes. How many shoes did you bring?" Lula asked me.

"The shoes I'm wearing"

"How about you?" she asked Connie.

"Four pairs of shoes, " Connie said.

"Dog, " Lula said to Tank. "How many shoes you got?"

Tank looked at Lula in the rearview mirror and didn't say anything. Lula turned and checked out the luggage in the back of the SUV.

"I don't even see any Tank suitcases, " Lula said. "Where's your suitcases?"

"Tank hasn't got any suitcases, " I said, smiling. "Tank's traveling light. "

"Where's he keep his extra tighty whiteys?" Lula wanted to know.

Tank cut another look at Lula. "I don't wear tighty whiteys, " he said.

"You devil!" Lula yelled. "I bet you go commando. "

Lula and Connie fanned themselves in the backseat. Tank kept his eyes on the road, but I could see him smiling. Oh yeah, he totally liked Lula. I hid my smile at that thought.

An hour later, we were in the terminal, standing in line. Seventy-three people in front of us. An airline employee was going person to person, suggesting electronic ticket holders use the automatic ticketing machines. We looked over at the machines with flocks of people gathered around them.

"I don't know, " Lula said. "Those people trying to use those machines look pissed off. Don't look to me like they're having a whole lot of luck getting tickets out of those machines. Looks to me like after they waste some time they give up and get back in line over here. " We sent Connie over to investigate and we stayed in line. After a couple minutes Connie came back.

"I think they're just decoys, " Connie said. "I never saw anybody have any luck getting a ticket out of them. "

"I bet I know, " Lula said. "You go over there and try to get a ticket and you give them your name and address. And then you don't get a ticket, but you get put on some list for junk mail and telephone solicitors. I bet the airlines make money selling those lists. I bet they get extra on account of they're lists of gullible people who'll buy anything. You didn't give them your name and address, did you, Connie?"

"That's ridiculous, " Connie said. And because she was snippy when she said it, we all knew she gave the machine her name and address. Forty-five minutes later, we got to the counter and got ticketed. Lula checked two of her bags. Tank didn't have any bags. I carried my single tote bag with me. Connie had one small suitcase on rollers, which she checked.

"We're on our way now, " Lula said.

"Boy, this is gonna be fun. Hold on. What are we doing in another line?"

"This is the line to go through the security check, " I told her.

"Say what?"

We inched our way along again. I had a low-grade headache from the terminal noise and the tedium and I had a backache from an hour of carrying the tote on my shoulder. Twenty minutes ago I'd dropped the tote onto the floor and now I kicked it along aheadof me. It was not fun, but I was kind of looking forward to ditching Tank even if it isn't something I am going to do. I wasn't really looking forward to calling Morelli about the pictures in my apartment though.

I was first in line. Lula stood behind me. Then Connie. Tank was in line behind Connie. We showed our tickets. We flashed our photo IDs. I approached the conveyor belt leading to the scanner. I placed my tote and my purse on the belt. A security attendant asked me to place my shoes on the belt, as well. I didn't argue since I knew it wouldn't help, so I took my sneakers off. I shuffled in my socks along the filthyfloor, through the metal detector. I didn't set the detector off but the security attendant told me I was a random female, so I was pulled aside and asked to stand spread eagle. I was kind of annoyed but kept my mouth shut. I was wanded and released. My shoes were returned to me after careful scrutiny. An attendant in rubber gloves extracted all the items from my tote. The items were returned to my bag and I was told I could continue on my way. Lula was causing a scene behind me. She had to go through the same routine and they found fried chicken in her purse. I knew she wasn't going to stop her "diet."

"You're not allowed to take unpackaged food past security, " the attendant said to Lula.

"What am I supposed to eat?" Lula wanted to know. "I'm on a diet to be a supermodel. I need this fried chicken. Suppose they don't feed me on the plane?"

"There are kiosks by the gate that sell food, " Lula was told.

"I don't like this, " Lula said, shouldering her bags. "Had to take my shoes off, my jacket off, got felt up under my bra clip. Had to take my belt off. And look at this, I can't button the top of my jeans. I cant eat none of that food. Where's the friggin' meat?"

"Maybe we'll get something on the plane, " I said. "We'll be in the air over dinnertime, so maybe we'll get some dinner. "

Yeah, right. If we were flying first class we might get a bag of peanuts.

We were seated three across, six rows back in coach. Lula was on the aisle. I sat next to her. Tank's seat was empty. Connie sat on the other side of the aisle. I called Morelli and told him about the photos.

"Where are you?" he asked.

"I'm on a plane. Singh is in Vegas and I'm going out to apprehend him. So I was thinking maybe you could just let yourself in"

Silence.

"Joe?"

"This is the sort of thing Ranger usually takes. "

"He has a problem with the state of Nevada. "

"Okay, let me rerun this, " Morelli said. "You went home to pack and you found more snuff photos. Then you drove to the airport and waited until you were boarded before calling me so it was impossible for me to bring you back to Trenton. "

"No. The was no way you were going to bring me back to Trenton. I just didn't want to deal with all the questions I already answered. "

The conversation deteriorated pretty quickly after that, so I said good-bye and shut my phone off. The plane filled and the usual announcements were made. No Tank. I was feeling a little worried without my bodyguard. Although I knew I wouldn't be seeing him again until I got back from Vegas. I had Connie and Lula with me. I liked Connie and Lula, but I suspected they were more liability than asset.

The flight attendants closed the doors and the plane began taxiing. Lula was singing with her headset on and her eyes shut. Connie was talking to the woman next to her. Minutes after taking off it was announced that no food or beverages would be served.

"What about peanuts?" Lula yelled out.

"Don't we even get any freakin' peanuts?" Lula turned to me.

"I want to get off this plane. I'm hungry and I'm uncomfortable. And look at the seat in front of me. It's all ripped. How am I supposed to have confidence when they can't even keep their seats sewed up? I bet some terrorist was practicing on that seat. " I put my finger to my eye.

"You getting that nervous eye twitch back? I guess you can still do that even though you aren't Steph." Lula asked. "It's from this plane, isn't it? I feel nervous, too. I'm just a bundle of nerves."

"It's from you, " I said. "Put your headset back on and listen to your music. "

An hour into the flight Lula was fidgeting again. "I smell coffee, " she said. "I bet they're gonna give us coffee. Probably they feel bad about treating us like a bunch of cows and they're gonna hand out coffee. "

She sniffed the air. "Hey, I smell real food. I smell something cooking. "

She hung over the armrest and looked up the aisle at the front of the plane. "It's not first class, " she said. "I can see into first class and they're not getting any food, either."

Now I was smelling it. Definitely coffee. And maybe a tomato sauce and pasta dish. And cookies baking! I was getting hungry now as well, but I also knew we wouldn't be getting any food.

"It's like there's ghosts up there, " Lula said. "I haven't seen a flight attendant walk down the aisle since we took off. It's like they vanished and their ghosts are cooking. I'm dying here. I'm starving. I'm getting weak. "

Connie looked over. "What's going on?"

"I smell coffee, " Lula said. "I must be hallucinating from hunger. "

"Maybe the flight attendants are making coffee for the pilots," Connie said.

"I don't like the sound of that, " Lula said. "That sounds like an emergency. Like the pilots are tired. Just my luck I get on a plane with a pilot who was up all night. I'm going to be really pissed off if he falls asleep and we crash and we all die and it's before I get to Vegas. "

Connie went back to her magazine, but Lula was still leaning over the armrest into the aisle.

"I can see them!" Lula said. "It's the flight attendants. Someone pulled the curtain aside and I can see the flight attendants eating. They're having coffee and fresh-baked cookies. Can you freaking believe it? They're not even going to offer any to us. "

I was starting to think crashing and dying might be the way to go. Compared to another two hours in the air, crashing and dying held some appeal. Lula's eyes were slitty and her forehead was scrunched up. She reminded me of a bull pawing the ground, nostrils flaring, shaggy head steaming.

"I'm not calling them flight attendants anymore," Lula said. "I'm calling the stewardesses. See how they like that. "

"Keep it down, " Connie said.

"Maybe they've been working all day and they didn't get a chance to eat. "

"I've been working all day, " Lula said. "I didn't get a chance to eat. You see anybody feeding me? I guess not. Look at me. I'm beside myself. I feel like the Hulk. Like I'm getting all swollen up with frustration. "

"Well, take it easy, " I said. "You'll burst something. "

"You know what this is?" Lula said. "This here's plane rage. "

"Plane rage isn't allowed. It got taken off the allowed activities list along with eating. If you make a scene they'll haul you off in leg irons. "

"I'm tired of being strapped in here, too, " Lula said. "This seat belt's too tight and it's giving me gas. "

"Anything else?"

"There's no movie. "

When we landed at Chicago I positioned myself between Lula and the flight attendants. I had also pulled out the ear plugs I had packed and had put them in not long after our conversation. I took them out when we landed.

"Keep your head down and walk, " I told Lula. "Don't look at them. Don't talk to them. Don't grab any of them by the throat. We need to get on the next plane. Just keep thinking about Vegas."

Our connecting flight was ten gates down. We started walking and almost immediately we hit fast food. Lula hurried over and ordered seven double cheeseburgers. She threw the buns away and ate the rest. An hour later our row was called to board and Lula, Connie, and I got in line.

We reached the gate and I was pulled aside to be searched. Random female. "Step over here, " the security attendant said. "And take your shoes off. "

I sighed and shot a look at the attendant.

"It's standard procedure. "

"I've already gone through this at Newark!"

"Sorry. You're going to have to take your shoes off if you want to get on the plane. "

"Uh-oh, " Lula said to me. "Your face is getting red. Remember about getting to Vegas. Just take the freakin' shoes off."

"It's not like it's personal, " Connie said. "You should be happy security precautions are in place. "

"Easy for you to say, " I told her. "You're not the one getting picked on. You're not the one getting singled out for a second time. Your stuff isn't getting pawed through."

I stared down at the shoes. There wasn't any way to hide a weapon in them, but I thought I could do some pretty good damage if I hit the security idiot in the head with one.

When we were seated on the plane Lula turned to me. "You know, sometimes you can be real scary. I don't know what you were thinking back there when you took those shoes off, but all the hair stood up on the back of my neck. "

"I had airport rage. "

"Fuckin' A, " Lula said.

Lula had airport rage when we landed and her luggage wasn't there.

**AN: This is my longest chapter yet. I'm going to try to get this story finished up soon and then I'm going to start on the sequel. Let me know how you like this chapter. Review, Review, Review.**


	25. Chapter 25

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own the Stephanie Plum series. _

**Not Quite Right**

By

Kole

Chapter 25

Connie had us booked into the Luxor. It was on the Strip, and because the bail bonds conferences were held there every year we got good rates. At least that's what Connie said.

"Look at this, " Lula said, head tipped back, taking it all in. "It's a freaking pyramid. It's like being in some big-ass Egyptian tomb. I love this. I'm ready to gamble. Outta my way. I'm looking for the slots. Where's the blackjack tables?"

I didn't know where Lula's energy came from. I'd exhausted myself trying to stay calm while mentally maiming airport employees, screaming kids, and security personnel.

"I'm going to bed, " I told Lula. "We need to get an early start tomorrow, so don't stay out too late. "

"I can't believe I'm hearing this. You're in Vegas and you're going to bed? Unh uh, girlfriend. I don't think so. " Lula had a point and besides, I was kind of good at gambling. Or well, I was lucky at gambling.

"Okay. Fine. I'll play a little."

"Good and it'll be fun. You'll see."

"I'm feeling hot for the craps," Connie said. "I'm going to drop my suitcase off in the room and then I'm going to hit the craps tables. "

Fifteen minutes later, we were checked into our room. We all applied fresh lipstick, and we were ready to roll.

"Look out, Vegas, here I come, " Lula said, closing the door behind us. "I'm wearing my lucky shoes, " Connie said, leading the way down the hall. "I can't lose in my lucky shoes. "

We got to the elevator and the three of us stood waiting for the doors to open, cackling and preening in front of the hall mirror. We stepped into the elevator, went down one floor, and two guys got on. One was about five foot ten, had a big beer belly, andlooked to be in his sixties. The other was average build, early forties, and was short enough that his eyes were even with my breasts. They were both dressed in tight white jumpsuits with bell-bottoms and big stand-up collars. The jumpsuits were decorated with sequins and glittered under the elevator lights. They had huge rings on their fingers and shoe-polish-black pompadour hairdos with long sideburns. They were wearing name tags. The big guy was named Gus and the little guy was named Wayne.

"We're Elvis impersonators, " the little guy said.

"No shit, Sherlock, " Lula said.

"We're part of a convention. There are fourteen hundred Elvis impersonators here at the hotel. "

"We just got here, " Lula said. "We're going down to play some slots. "

"We're going to the show, " Gus said. "We hear Tom Jones is singing in the lounge. "

Lula's eyes got the size of duck eggs and popped out of her eye sockets. "Tom Jones! Are you shitting me? I love Tom Jones. "

"You should come with us, " Wayne said. "We wouldn't mind having a couple chicks tagging along, right, Gus?"

Lula looked down at little Wayne. "Listen up, Shorty, " she said. "I don't do that patronizing, sexist chick shit. "

"We gotta say things like that, " Wayne told her. "We're Elvis impersonators. We're Vegas, baby. "

"Oh yeah, I guess I could see that. Sorry, " Lula said.

"Um. I don't think we want to go." I said, to the Elvis impersonators.

"What do you mean we don't want to go? I want to see Tom Jones!" Lula said to me.

"It's not the real Tom Jones. It's an impersonator." I told her. I was hoping to not have to go through the whole impersonator craziness and I also really didn't want to see Lula's thong.

"Oh well, that's crap. Why would we want to see an impersonator. You Elvis' go along. We gonna be playing the slots." The elevator hit the casino floor and we all got out and we watched as the Elvis impersonators hustled across the casino to the lounge. Me, Connie, and Lula all went towards the crap tables.

"I'm hitting the slots. I'm gonna start there. " Lula said pointing at the slot machines.

Lula went her way and Connie went over to the craps tables. I went over to a blackjack table. I didn't stay too long, just long enough to win some money. I went over and played some craps with Connie for awhile and then went up to the room. I knew enough to stop playing when I was ahead.

At seven in the morning Lula and Connie still hadn't returned to the room. I pulled on jeans and a T-shirt. I covered my hair with a baseball cap and went downstairs to look for Lula. I found her in the cafe eating breakfast with Connie. Lula had about two dozen scrambled eggs and five pounds of sausage links on her plate. Connie had coffee. Lula looked wired and not much different from everyday Lula. Connie looked like she'd died and come back from the dead. Connie's black hair was completely frazzled, sticking out at odd places. Her mascara had smudged, making the bags under her eyes more pronounced. And she was without lipstick. I took a seat and I snitched a sausage link from Lula.

"What time is it?" Connie asked.

"Seven-thirty, " I told her.

"Day or night?"

"Day."

The cafe was located on the perimeter of the casino floor. That' the way it always is in a casino. Everything opens to the floor. The casino was business as usual, but the attendance was light. The tables were populated mostly by bedraggled men in shirtsleeves. Leftovers from the night. The slots had a more alert crowd. Early risers, getting a jump on the day.

"Las Vegas never closes, " Lula said. "Can you believe it? And I haven't been out of the hotel yet, but there's supposed to be an Eiffel Tower out there and the Brooklyn Bridge and all kinds of shit. "

"What did you do all night?"

"I started with the slots, " Lula said, "but I wasn't having any luck there, so I went over to the blackjack tables. I did pretty good and then I did really bad. And here I am . . . Broke. Good thing Vinnie's buying me breakfast. "

Connie had her head down on the table. "I lost all my money. I drank too much. And I lost my shoes. " We all looked under the table. Sure enough, Connie didn't have any shoes. "I left them someplace, " Connie said. "I don't know where."

"What about you, Girl? You were playing for a couple hours before you disappeared. How'd you do?" Lula asked.

"I won $20,000." I said, with a shrug.

"What? You won? How'd you do that?" Lula asked. She and Connie were both staring at me in shock.

"I don't know. I just got lucky at blackjack." I said, hoping they would drop it.

"You, Lucky?" Connie asked, then shook her head.

"Well, uh yeah. That's great. Oh but you don't even know the best part of the night," Lula said to me. "Ask Connie about the photograph. "

Connie pulled a cardboard framed photo out of her big leather shoulder bag. It was a picture of Connie and a short guy in a powder blue tuxedo. The short guy had sideburns and an Elvis hairdo. Connie was holding a bouquet of flowers.

"I think I might have gotten married to an Elvis impersonator, " Connie said, dragging herself to her feet. "I'm going to bed. Wake me up when you get Singh and I'll do the paperwork for the locals. "

Lula watched Connie stagger away. "I wouldn't hardly recognize her without lipstick, " Lula said. "She sat down and I didn't know who she was at first. "

"We have to catch Singh today, " I said to Lula. "Are you going to be up for it?"

"Damn straight I'm up for it. I'm just getting started. I'm like that Energizer Rabbit dude. How we gonna get this guy?"

"Singh applied for a job at a small casino downtown. My contacts name is Louis Califonte. He's the casino manager. Cone said I should call Califonte at nine o'clock. I'm hoping we can get Singh to come into the casino. It'll be easier to apprehend him there."

"Get Singh to come in tonight so I can have the day to go shopping. I gotta see the talking statues at Caesars. And we gotta stay to see the fountains at the Bellagio. It wouldn't be right if we left before we saw the fountains. " Shopping would be fun and I could spend some time with Lula. I wasn't really worried since I knew Carl Rosen was dead and so was Singh. I ate a second sausage and I punched Ranger's number into my phone.

"Have you heard from Tank?" I asked Ranger.

"Tank's here. By the time he got security straight he couldn't get a flight out. The earliest flight we could get him on is today's four o'clock. "

"Probably we don't need him. Connie has me on a seven-thirty out of Vegas. I don't expect problems. Connie will get me the paperwork necessary to bring Singh back restrained and she'll make the arrangements with the local police."

"Unfortunately the hardware's packed in Lula's suitcase. And the airlines lost both her bags. "

"I'll have everything you need delivered to your room by noon. "

"Did Tank tell you about the photos?"

"Yeah. And I heard from Morelli, too. He's not happy."

"Who cares about Morelli. Did Carl Rosen ever show up?" I asked already knowing the answer.

"You don't want to know about Rosen, babe. " he said.

I blew out a sigh and disconnected. Even at seven in the morning, smoke hung in the air on the casino floor. I squinted into the haze and knew I would have to call Morelli to get the info about the photos. I called Morelli's cell.

"Yeah, " Morelli answered. Halfway through the morning and sounding pissed off.

"Hey. Tell me about the photos and Carl Rosen. "

"They're working on the photos now, but at first glance they look like a match. We found Rosen late last night. Someone dumped him at the corner of Laurel Drive and River Road. He had a white carnation stuffed down his pants and you've seen the photos, so I don't have to describe his head. "

"Any suspects?"

"A few. No arrests, if that's what you're asking. " I wasn't looking forward to returning to Trenton. It felt safer in Vegas, but I knew that Clyde knew I was here so it didn't really matter where I was. He would find a way to get to me. He had already decided I was the prize to his little game.

"Connie tells me you have a flight out at seven-thirty tonight, " Morelli said. "Do you already have Singh in custody?"

"No. If I have problems today, Connie will change the flight. "

There was a moments pause. "Are you expecting problems?"

"Nope. Not that it's really any of your business."

"I just want you to be safe, Cupcake." I sighed. When he said things like that, I understood how Stephanie could love him.

I disconnected and waited while Lula ate the last sausage.

"From the conversation I just heard between you and Ranger, I'm guessing they didn't deliver my bags yet, " Lula said. "So I'm going shopping. I gotta get some clothes. All that dumb-ass airline gave me was a toothbrush. "

"I thought you gambled all your money away."

"Yeah, but if I shop here in the hotel it goes on our room bill and Vinnie pays. It's only right he pays anyway, on account of this is a business disaster"

"Let me get a shower and call about Singh and then I'll meet you to help you shop." I told Lula.

"Sounds good to me."

I returned to the room and took a shower while Lula went shopping. We were all packed together to save some money The room had an Egyptian motif and two queen-size beds. Connie was sound asleep with a pillow over her face. She didn't seem to be bothered by my presence, so I put a call in to Lou Califonte. Lou suggested he call Singh and ask him to come in to discuss a job. I was expecting a handcuff delivery sometime this morning, so I asked that Singh be given an early afternoon appointment. Califonte said he'd call back as soon as everything was in place.

I went down and located Lula. I helped her pick out some stuff and we just talked. She asked me about me. It was nice to get to know her as myself. She told me that I was a lot like Steph. That made me smile.

It was close to nine when we finished and went back up to our room.

"Just give me a minute to jump in the shower and get dressed and I'm ready to roll, " Lula said.

By ten we were in a rental Taurus, heading out of town. Lula was reading the map, directing me to the address Singh had given Califonte on his job application. I knew I didn't have to wait for Singh to come to me, since he was already dead, but I wanted to get Boo.

Connie had checked on Singh's address before we left and found he was living with a woman named Susan Lu, a cocktail waitress at Caesars. I already knew that he would be, but I didn't say anything since I knew it would seem odd to Connie. I knew she was the Susan in Singh's house was typical of the neighborhood. It was a modest single-story stucco bungalow. A Joshua tree grew in the front yard. The small backyard was fenced. I didn't see Boo, but then most of the yard wasn't visible from the street.

"Sure would be tempting to knock on his door and drag his boney ass out here, " Lula said. "Then we could lock him in the trunk and go shopping. "

"It wouldn't do us any good. He's not in there. " I said to Lula.

"What do you mean he ain't in there?"

"I mean he's not in there. He's already dead."

"If you knew he was already dead then why did we come to Vegas?" Lula asked.

"Would you of rather not come to Vegas?" I asked.

"Oh right. You're a genius." She answered, with a smile on her face. "But what I don't understand is why we are here?"

"Cause Boo is here. I just wanted to make sure we knew where the house was so that we could come back after Susan leaves and get him."

"Boo, as in the dog?" she asked.

My cell phone rang. It was Lou Califonte. He was calling to tell me that he hadn't been able to get in touch with Singh. He'd spoken to Susan Lu and Lu told him Singh went out early this morning and hadn't yet returned. Lu expected Singh back by lunchtime. Califonte set up a tentative meeting for two o'clock. I knew that wasn't going to be happening but I agreed returned to the room a little after one. Connie was still asleep with the pillow over her face.

There was a small sealed cardboard box on the coffee table. The delivery from Ranger. And there was a small floral arrangement next to it. Red roses and white carnations. The card with the flowers read: _You're one step behind me again. Singh's been eliminated. The game continues. _

I was totally freaked out. I knew it was going to happen, but it still scared me that Clyde knew I was in Vegas.

"Hey, " Lula said. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." I told her, handing her the card. After she was done reading it she gave it back to me.

I reread the card. The card was standard hotel stock. The flowers had been sent through the hotel. I called the concierge and waited on hold while he traced the flowers down. He returned to tell me the order had been phoned in and placed on Carl Rosen's credit card. The hotel wasn't able to access the call origination number. I knew that would be the case, but I still did it.

Lula was standing over Connie. "Do you think she's dead? She's not moving under the pillow. "

"Take the pillow off her. "

"Not me. I hate dead. If she's dead, I don't want to see. " I walked over and took the pillow off Connie's face.

Connie opened an eye and looked up at me. "Did you bring Singh in?"

"No. I think Singh might be dead. "

"Dead or alive, " Connie said. "It's all the same to me. " She sat up in the bed. "I can't get any sleep in this hotel. People keep coming in and out delivering stuff. Did you see you got flowers?"

"About the flowers, " I said. And I told them about the carnation killer.

"Geez, you told me a little about that but you didn't tell me everything." Lula said.

"I didn't know what to say. The whole thing is so bizarre. And the police wanted the details kept from the public while they tried to match the photos to a victim. "

"Hey, I can keep a secret. Look at me. My mouth is zipped, " Lula said.

"I know you can keep a secret " I said to her and I did know. She was keeping my secret so far.

"Open the box from Ranger, " I said to Lula. "I have to call Morelli and Ranger and tell them about the flowers. "

Morelli answered on a sigh. "Yeah?" I told Morelli about the flowers, quickly and then called Ranger. Ranger answered on the second ring.

"Babe."

"I called to tell you I just got a floral arrangement. Red roses and white carnations. " I read the card to him. "The flowers were ordered through the hotel and placed on Carl Rosen's credit card."

"This is like a chess game to him. And he's winning. He's taking your pieces one by one. " Ranger said. It was almost word for word what Morelli had said in the book. It was a little weird.

"This particular piece was with Susan Lu first thing this morning and hasn't been heard from since. I don't suppose you have anything on Clyde Cone?" I asked him.

"Sorry, Babe. I've got one of my guys watching him. He has his laptop with him and he is on it often, but there is nothing to say he's doing anything wrong."

"I'm going back out to talk to Susan Lu, " I said to Ranger, not really lying. I was going back and would talk to Susan Lu but mostly I was going to get Boo. "I'll call you if anything turns up. "

"Thanks for the wonderful care package by the way. " I added.

"Anytime, Babe." Ranger said, then hung up. I looked at the phone for a second then shrugged it was almost a goodbye.

"This is like Christmas, " Lula said, opening the box from Ranger. "I love getting presents. Look at this. Pepper spray. One for each of us. And handcuffs. Not the cheap-ass kind, either. These are good-quality cuffs. And leg shackles. And a thirty-eight Smith and Wesson snubby revolver. Guess that would be yours since I shoot a Glock. And here's a box of rounds for your thirty-eight. " Lula pawed through the packing. "Hey,there's no Glock. Where's my gun?"

She dumped the box upside down and a note and a stun gun fell out. I took the note and left the stun gun for Lula. _Call if you need help. I'll come to your room at six to take you to the airport Erik._ His phone number was printed at the bottom of the note. Lula was reading over my shoulder.

"Who's Erik?"

"Ranger said he was sending hardware to replace what we lost in luggage. It looks like Erik comes with the hardware."

I loaded the . 38 and slipped it into the back of my jeans. I stuffed the personal-size pepper spray canister into my jeans pocket, I stuck the cuffs half in and half out of the back of my pants, and then I shrugged into a lightweight zipper-front sweatshirt that was going to make me sweat, but it covered the cuffs and my gun. I called to ask that the car be brought around from valet parking.

"I'm going, too, " Connie said. "Give me five minutes to jump in the shower. "

A half hour later the three of us left the room for the lobby. Lula on one side of me, Connie on the other. Connie had made a phone call to a local bondsman and had arranged for a second arms delivery. As a result, Connie and Lula now wore two guns apiece. They each had a gun at the small of their back and they each had one in their purse. My fear of getting shot by Clyde Cone or one of his "players" was considerably less than my fear that I'd get shot by Connie or Lula.

"You know what I think?" Lula said in the elevator. "I think we're an accident waiting to happen. "

"Just keep your eyes open. We'll be fine. "

It was after noon when we pulled into Susan Lu's driveway. Lula, Connie, and I got out and went to Lu's front door. Susan Lu was about five feet, four inches with a flat dish face and glossy straight black hair. She looked older than Singh. I placed her somewhere between forty and forty-five. She was surprised to find us on her porch and immediately bristled. Probably we looked like door-to-door missionaries, so I understood the bristle. I looked over her shoulder at a small curly white dog scratching at a baby gate that confined him to the kitchen. Boo.

I identified myself, introduced Lula and Connie, and I asked if we could come in. Lu said no and we went in anyway. Lu was a lightweight. I already knew Singh wasn't in the house. I was pretty sure he was dead. Still, I asked anyway.

"Is Samuel Singh here?" I asked Susan Lu.

"He isn't, " Lu said. "He went out first thing this morning for a pack of cigarettes for me and he hasn't returned. He should have been back hours ago. And he isn't answering his cell phone. Men are such shits. Listen, I'd like to chat, but I have to get ready for work and I'm not feeling all that social without my goddamn cigarettes. "

The dog was barking now. Yap yap yap. And every time it yapped its little front paws would come off the ground.

"Is that Samuel's dog?"

"Yeah, I don't know what's wrong with it. Usually the little turd just mopes in the corner. I've never seen it trying to get out like this. " Lula took a step back and nervously shifted foot to foot. God only knows what she had in her purse. Suckling pig, two dozen hamburgers, a twenty-pound turkey.

"Sammy brought the dog with him just to piss off some awful old woman and her daughter. He was boarding with them and he said the old woman was something out of a horror movie. He wanted to take a picture of himself with the dog and send it back to them, but he hasn't gotten around to it. After he gets his picture the dog's going to the pound. Nasty beast."

I gave Susan Lu my card. "Tell Samuel to call me when he comes in. "

"Sure."

Lula, Connie, and I left Lu, got into the car, and I backed out of the driveway. I drove around the block and parked three doors down from Lu, behind a van so we could watch the house.

"You think Singh's gonna show up?" Lula asked, although she already knew the answer.

"Nope. "

"You parking here so you can keep an eye on Lu?"

"Yep. "

"You're waiting for her to leave and then you're gonna snatch the dog, aren't you?"

"Yep. "

Connie was in the backseat, probably reviewing in her mind which of the local bondsmen she'd use to bail us out after we were arrested for breaking and entering.

After fifteen minutes of no air-conditioning, the car started to bake under the desert sun. Lula immediately fell asleep in the heat. She was head back, mouth open. And she was snoring. Loud.

"Holy mother, " Connie said, "I've never heard anyone snore like this. It's like being locked in a car with a jet engine."

I gave Lula a shove. "Wake up. You're snoring. "

"The hell I am, " Lula said. "I don't snore. " And she went back to snoring.

"I can't take it, " Connie said. "I've got to get out of the car."

I joined her and we walked down the street. We were wearing baseball hats and dark glasses but no sun block and I could feel the sun scorching the exposed skin on my arm. I should of remembered the sun block.

"Let me run through this, " Connie said. "Lillian Paressi, Howie at McDonalds, Carl Rosen, and possibly Samuel Singh are all tied to the same serial killer. And now he's targeted you. "

"Yep. " I answered. "I'm guessing he likes to taunt his victims. Likes to get them afraid before he strikes. Its some kind of game for him."

"Are you sure it's a him?"

"I'm not sure, but I think so."

When we got back to the car, Lula was still snoring and there were two dogs patiently sitting on the curb by the passenger side door.

"I don't know what's more creepy, " Connie said. "You getting stalked by a killer or Lula walking around with a purse filled with pork chops. I'm feeling like I'm in Stephen King land. "

It was two o'clock so I called Califonte and after he told me Singh wasn't there like I knew he wouldn't be I asked him to call me if Singh showed up. Connie and I got back into the car and put our fingers in our ears. After five minutes my shirt was soaked and sweat was running down the side of my face. This was the glorious life of a bounty hunter.

"Tell me again why we're sitting here, melting, " Connie said.

"The dog. "

"I need a better reason. "

"There's something about that dog. He's small and helpless looking. And those little button eyes! The eyes are so trusting. And he's going to the pound. How awful is that? I can't let that happen."

"So you have to save the dog. "

"He's counting on me. "

"Stephanie to the rescue, " Connie said.

"I could call you a cab, " I said. "And you could go back to the hotel. "

"No way. I'd have to sit around the pool and get a tan and have half-naked waiters bring me cold drinks. Where's the fun in that when I could be sitting here listening to Lula?"

Susan Lu left the house a little after two. She walked to a bus stop on the far corner. After five minutes a bus appeared and Lu got on.

"Thank God, " Connie said. "I'm at the end of the line with the snoring and the sweating. "

I gave Lula a shove. "Wake up. Susan Lu left the house. We can get the dog now. "

Lula squinted at me. "I feel like my eyes are fried. I'm not as young as I used to be. I can't do this all-night shit anymore. And this place is hotter than snot. How can anyone live here?"

I cranked the car over and pulled into Lu's driveway. Lula, Connie, and I got out and walked around to the back kitchen door.

"Door's locked, " Lula said. "Too bad you have this thing about busting in. "

"I don't." I said, with a wink as I pulled a lock pick out of my back pocket.

"Where'd you get that?" Lula asked, smiling.

"I picked it up before we came. You never know when you might need it." I said, as I started to pick the door. It was easy enough.

I opened the door, scooped up Boo, and handed him to Lula. I quickly walked through the rest of the house. I took Singh's laptop, but found nothing else of interest. I wiped Lula's prints off the doorknob and we left.

"We're like Robin Hood or something, " Lula said. "We rescued this cute little guy. I feel like singing the Robin Hood theme song. "

We stopped and thought about that for a second.

"Damn, " Lula said. "There's no Robin Hood theme song. "

We got into the rental Taurus and hightailed it out of the neighborhood. Best not to delay, in case someone confused us with dognappers and called the police. The police might not understand about Robin Hood.

I stopped at a supermarket and bought a dog leash and collar, and a small bag of dog food for Boo. I bought popsicles for Connie and me and two pounds of sliced deli ham for Lula. I really hoped she was going to quit this stupid diet, soon. She knew it wasn't going to work but I also knew she enjoyed eating all the meat.

I didn't know if dogs were allowed at the Luxor and I didn't think it was worth the hassle to check. I wrapped the dog in my sweatshirt and smuggled him up to the room.

"Isn't this a pisser, " Lula said, going into the room. "Look at what's here. My luggage. Came just in time to lug it back home."

"Hopefully they won't lose it this time. "

"Damn right they won't lose it. I'm not flying. I'm done flying. I'm driving home. "

"It'll take you days. "

"I don't care. Nothing you could say would make me get back on a plane. I got the rental car and I'm driving. And I can take Boo. I don't like the idea of handing him over to those airport people."

Boo was on the floor, snooping around.

"He's a cute little guy, " Lula said. "I can see why Nonnie wanted him back. "


	26. Chapter 26

Disclaimer:** I don't own the Stephanie Plum series. **

_**Not Quite Right**_

_By_

_Kole_

_Previously…_

_"Isn't this a pisser, " Lula said, going into the room. "Look at what's here. My luggage. Came just in time to lug it back home."_

_"Hopefully they won't lose it this time. "_

_"Damn right they won't lose it. I'm not flying. I'm done flying. I'm driving home. "_

_"It'll take you days. "_

_"I don't care. Nothing you could say would make me get back on a plane. I got the rental car and I'm driving. And I can take Boo. I don't like the idea of handing him over to those airport people."_

Chapter 26

I knew that in the book this was the time when Steph called Morelli and Ranger, but I knew neither had anything to report. So, instead, I called my family next. Well Steph's family, although they were beginning to feel like mine.

"We're all fine, " Grandma said. "Except for Albert, who seems to be in labor. That isn't possible, is it?"

That was pretty much the length of the phone call, but I was beginning to miss my family. I wasn't really close to them, but I still called them to check on them often. Stephanie's family though was a big part of her life weather she wanted them to be or not, and I wasn't sure if I wanted them to be a part of _my_ life, yet. Well, except for Grandma, she already felt like family to me.

"I'm going out for something to eat, " I said.

"I'm with you, " Lula said.

Connie was on her feet. "Count me in."

The three Musketeers. We gave Boo a glass of water and told him to be a good dog. We put the Do Not Disturb sign on the door, locked up, and left. I knew Susan Lu worked at Caesars, so I suggested we go there and check to make sure she went to work, when really I was just excited to see the whole "Erik" situation.

Caesars was exactly the wrong distance from the Luxor. Too short to feel justified taking a cab. Too long to hoof it in the heat. We stepped outside and sucked in blast furnace- quality air and Connie made the decision for us. "I'm not walking, " she said. "And I'll shoot anyone who tries to make me."

Caesars is everything a casino should be ... Noisy, smokey, gaudy, and bustling with people who can't wait to throw their money away. The waitresses servicing the game tables all wore little toga outfits. Some looked better in their togas than others. We did a casual walk around the room and didn't spot Susan Lu.

"This isn't gonna work, " Lula said. "It's too big. There's too many of the toga women. And there are cocktail lounges on the sides, too. And restaurants. "

"I don't know how to break this to you, " Connie said, "but I think we're being followed. You see the guy in black over by the statue of Caesar?"

Lula and I turned and looked.

"Don't look!" Connie hissed. Lula and I stopped looking.

"You have to be sneaky, " Connie said.

Lula and I did a sneaky look.

"I don't recognize him, " I said, hiding my smile. This was going to be funny. Although, I hoped he didn't get seriously hurt.

Connie slid him a sideways glance. "He was in the lobby of the Luxor when we came through."

"Probably just a coincidence, " I said, biting my lip to keep myself from laughing.

He was about five feet, ten inches and average build. He wore a black suit, black shirt, and black silk tie. His hair was dark and slicked back behind his ears.

"I bet he's got a purple car with a bobble-head doll on the dash, " Lula said. "I bet he's a pimp. I guess I know a pimp when I see one. The question is, why would a pimp be following us?"

Connie and I looked at Lula.

"What?" Lula said. Lula was wearing a skin-tight pink stretchy T-shirt with sexy written across her boobs in silver sequins. It had a low scoop neck showing an acre of cleavage and it was tucked into a matching spandex miniskirt.

"Hey, I'm not the one wearing a shirt asking if you got crabs, " Lula said. I looked down at my shirt. "It's for the baseball team in Lakewood. Joe bought it for me. I think."

"Hunh, " Lula said, giving me a look and raising her eyebrow. I didn't think the guy in black looked like a pimp. I thought he looked like someone who bought GQ and took it seriously.

"Let's go across the room and find a blackjack table, " Connie said to me. "See if he follows you."

"Fine."

"I want to see if he's after you. Maybe he's the carnation guy. This way, you sit down and Lula and I can sort of fade away, all the while keeping our eyes on you. Then we wait to see what he does. Connie said.

"Here he comes, " Lula said. "He's coming along with us. He's trying not to be noticed, but I'm onto him."

I was smiling at thispoint, Connie tugged me toward an empty chair. "Sit," she said, "there's an opening at this table."

There were two men and two women already playing at the table. They were drinking and smoking and their faces were without expression. They looked like they knew what they were doing. When the hand was done Connie dropped fifty dollars on the table. The dealer gave me two chips and the fifty bucks got whisked away by the dealer and stuffed into a slot on the table. Everyone put chips out. I looked over my shoulder at Connie. Connie was gone. When I swung my attention back to the table I had two cards face up in front of me. A king and an ace.

"Twenty-one wins, " the dealer said. And he gave me a bunch of chips. Wow. I won and I didn't even have to do anything.

Everyone else played out their hands and then we all started again with new chips on the table. I put mine out, too. The dealer gave me two cards face up. A six and a jack. The dealer asked me if I wanted a card.

"No, " I said, remembering that the dealer would bust on this dealer had a six and a ten on the table. He dealt himself another ten. "Dealer busts, " he said. And I got another chip. We started a new game and I got sixteen again with the first two cards. The dealer had a nine showing. I told him I didn't want any more cards. He told me the book didn't like that decision.

"Well, I don't care what the book says, no card. "

I played another hand. Everyone played their hands out and we started over. Connie was nowhere to be seen. The guy in black was behind me, watching me. I could feel him back there.

When the new game started I pushed a couple chips into my ring. The dealer gave me a nine of spades and a three of clubs. When I felt a hand settle on my shoulder. I turned and looked. It was the guy in black, Erik.

"You're pretty good, " he said.

There was a lot of noise behind me. I heard Lula let out a shriek and the guy in black gasped in surprise, jerked away from me, and went over backward. Everyone at the table stood and gawked, except me. I was covering my mouth with my hand trying to keep my laugh in.

Lula and the guy in black were on the floor. Lula was ass up, on top of the guy in black. You could hardly see him under the pink spandex. He was squashed spread eagle under Lula so that only his hands and feet stuck out. Connie was standing on one of his hands.

"Don't freakin' move, " Connie yelled at the poor smushed guy in black. From what I could see there wasn't much chance of him moving. I wasn't even sure he was still breathing. Uniformed and plainclothes security instantly appeared and wrestled Lula off the guy in black.

"He was going for a gun, " Lula said. "He's a killer."

The guy in black didn't move. He was still on his back, gasping for air.

"I have identification in my inside jacket pocket, " he said. "And I think I have a broken back. "

"Can you move your toes?" one of the security guards asked him. "Yeah. "

"How about your fingers?"

He wiggled the fingers on one hand. Connie was still standing on the other hand. "Ow, " the guy in black said to Connie. Connie stepped off his hand. "Sorry, " she said.

One of the plainclothes men lifted the identification. "Erik Salvatora. Looks like he's a rent-a-cop. "

"I'm a licensed private investigator and a security specialist, " Salvatora said. "I'm employed by RangeMan LLC and I was asked to protect Ms. Plum while she's in town. God only knows why when she's got Big Bertha and the Bonecrusher with her."

"Hey," Lula said. "Watch who you're calling Big Bertha. Nobody tolerates that political incorrectness anymore, you little candy ass."

"This was a terrible misunderstanding, " I told everyone, stopping to laugh now that I could, when I finally calmed down I continued. "My friends and I didn't realize he was assigned to guard me. My usual bodyguard missed his flight."

Now they were all wondering who the hell I was that I needed a bodyguard. And that was fine by me because I wanted this to go away. We were all carrying guns, probably illegally. I had no idea what the gun laws were in Nevada.

"I thought he was going for a gun, " Lula said.

Erik struggled to get up. "I was going for my wallet. I was going to buy her some chips. I was supposed to keep my distance, but she's a hellava player and I wanted to watch her play some more."

"Really sorry," I said. "Can we take you to a hospital or something?"

"No! I'll be okay. Probably just a slipped disc and possibly a broken bone or two in my hand. "

"Don't worry about six o'clock, " I called after him. "I might not be going to the airport.

He looked at me blank faced. As if taking me to the airport was too terrible to contemplate right now. "Okay, " he said. And he limped away.

"Sorry, " I said to the security people. "I guess we'll be going now, too. "

"We'll see you out, " one of the uniforms said. They let collect my winings and then we were escorted out of Caesars, the doors closed behind us, and we stood blinking in the sun, waiting for our eyes to adjust to daylight. "That was sort of embarrassing, " Lula said.

I whipped my phone out and I called Morelli. "Reporting in, " I told him. "Anything new?"

"I was just going to call you, " Morelli said. "I know a guy on the Vegas police force. I gave him a call when I got off the phone with you and asked him to keep his eyes open for Singh. I just got a call back from him. They found Singh in his car in the airport parking lot about an hour ago. Shot twice in the back of the head, close range. We're checking the passenger lists on all Vegas flights in and out of LaGuardia, Newark, and Philadelphia. "

"The Cones?" I asked.

"All present and accounted for. "

"Too bad. That would have been so easy. At least I can leave Vegas now. And I'm bringing something home with me that might be helpful. . . Singh's laptop. " Silence at the other end.

"Susan Lu gave it to you?"

"I found it on the sidewalk. I think there might have been a break-in and the laptop got dropped and left behind somehow. And I found it."

I wasn't sure what was going on at the other end of the connection. Either Morelli was smiling or else he was banging his head against his desk. I was hoping it was the latter.

"I'll pick you up at the airport, " Morelli said. "Try to stay out of trouble. Do you need a police escort when you leave your hotel?"

"No. I've had enough police escorts for one day. Thanks anyway. " I disconnected and relayed the information about Singh. I also didn't turn down Morelli's offer to pick me up even though I probably should of.

"The Vegas police found Singh at the airport an hour ago. Two bullet holes in the back of his head, " I told Connie and Lula.

"I was sort of hoping it was a bluff, " Lula said. " Or that you were wrong. Not that I'm scared or anything. "

We all did some mental knuckle cracking and tried not to look nervous.

"We should go back to the hotel, " I said. "If we're going to make the plane we need to pack."

Everyone agreed, so we flagged down a cab and we all piled in.

I called Ranger on the way. I told him about Singh and then I told him about Salvatora.

"I already talked to Salvatora, " Ranger said. "His hand is okay, but he said he needs a chiropractor for his back. "

Ranger paused and when he continued I could hear the laughter in his voice. "Salvatora said a fat woman in pink spandex and silver sequins fell on him."

"That would be Lula. And she didn't fall on him. She tackled him. "

"She did a good job, " Ranger said. "I'm sorry I missed it. Salvatora's partner will take you to the airport."

"How will I know him?"

"He looks like Salvatora . . . But more. "

Five minutes later we were walking through the hotel to the elevators. We took the elevator to the eighteenth floor, walked halfway down the hall, and Connie unlocked our room door. She stepped in and muffled a scream. Lula and I were directly behind her and we had the same reaction.

The dog had destroyed the room. Pillows were chewed. The blanket was shredded. A corner of the mattress was missing. Toilet paper was everywhere. I had forgotten that Boo was going to kill the room. Oops.

Connie closed and locked the door behind us. "Don't anybody panic. Its probably not as bad as it looks. Cheap mattress, cheap blanket, right? How much could a pillow cost?"

"Uh-oh, " Lula said. "I think he pissed on the cable wire and shorted the television. This here's like traveling with a metal band, " Lula said.

Boo was on the bed, tail wagging. "But look at him, " I said. "He's so cute. And he looks sorry. Don't you think he looks sorry?"

"I think he looks happy, " Lula said. "I think he's smiling. I'm glad we saved this little guy. That bag of monkey doody Mrs. Apusenja deserves him."

"We weren't gone that long, " Connie said. "How could such a little dog do all this damage?"

"Guess he was feeling anxiety," Lula said. "Poor things been through a lot, what with getting dognapped and everything. And look at him, he's just a puppy. He might even be teething. At least he didn't eat the flowers. It's nice to come back to fresh flowers in the room. "

"They were sent by a serial killer! They're death flowers" I said. "Well, yeah, but they're still nice, " Lula said. I looked at my watch. I had to pack.

"Not a lot of time to take care of this mess, " I said.

"Here's the plan, " Connie said. "We check out and it all goes on Vinnie's bill. "

"See that, " Lula said. "This dog's nothing but good luck. We get to stick it to Vinnie all because this dog was smart enough to eat the room. I think this here's been a positive experience. That's my new philosophy anyway. Nothing but positive experiences. That's why I'm driving home from here. "

"You've got to be kidding, " Connie said. "It'll take you days."

"Don't matter. I'm not getting back on a plane. I'm done with planes. They aren't any fun. All that searching and starving and standing around in lines. I don't do lines. That's another part of my new philosophy. No lines. And I can take Boo with me if I drive. Me and Boo can have a road trip. I'm starting to get real excited about this. I always wanted to have a dog when I was a kid, but I never had the chance. I was dog deprived."

"Works for me, " Connie said. "If you take Boo we don't have the hassle of crating him and getting him on the plane."

I called valet parking and had the car brought around. I gave Lula the pepper spray and the stun gun and two hundred dollars. Connie contributed another hundred and fifty. We loaded Lula, Boo, and Lula's luggage into the car and waved good-bye.

"I'm not sure if she's the smart one or the dumb one, " Connie said. There were only two of us now and we each had a loaded gun in our pockets. We stopped at the snack bar, got a bag of food, and returned to the room to finish packing. My packing was simple. Take all the little complimentary soaps and shampoos from the bathroom and put them in my carry-on bag. Connie s packing was more complicated.

"Oh shit, " Connie said, "look at this. "She was holding up the wedding photo. It had a few dog tooth marks in the lower left corner.

"Do you suppose you actually got married?" I asked her.

"I don't know. I don't remember. " She closed her eyes and groaned. "Sweet Jesus, please don't let me be married to an Elvis impersonator. "

"There must be some way you can find out, " I said. "There have to be records. Probably you can have it annulled. "

There was a rap on the door. I looked out the security peephole and recognized Erik's partner from Rangers description. The guy in the hall looked a lot like Erik, but bigger and weirder and scarier. He looked like a Vegas pit boss on steroids.

"It's our chauffeur, " I said. I opened the door and invited the big scary guy in. He was dark-skinned with slicked-back black hair and dark, heavy-lidded eyes. He was wearing black cowboy boots, black leather pants, a black leather jacket, and a shiny black silk shirt that was unbuttoned half down his chest. He had a colorful crucifixion tattooed onto the back of his left hand. And he had a gun at the small of his back, under the jacket.

"I'm Miguel, " he said. "I'm Erik's partner. "

"Jeez, " I said. "We're all really sorry about Erik. I hope he's okay. "

Miguel gave a brief nod, which I took to mean that Erik had his back straightened out and was recovering nicely.

"I'm ready to go, " I told him, handing over the cuffs and shackles and guns.

"My partner is driving back. She has the rest of the hardware."

Another small nod. Fine by him. Connie was packed, but she was in the middle of the room with the photo in her hand and she was looking conflicted.

"I need to get this straightened out, " she said. "I'm going to stay and catch a later flight. "

"I can stay with you, " I said. She shook her head.

"Not necessary. You'll be safer in Trenton. "

And Connie would be safer in Vegas without me. I gave her a hug and my room key.

Miguel shouldered my bag, stepped aside, and followed me wordlessly to the elevator. This is the thing about men who never talk. It's easier to assume that they're strong and that they have the sort of wily cunning a woman wants in a bodyguard. I try not to be judgmental, but in all honesty, I'd feel less secure if Miguel had rambled on about how difficult it was to find a decent silk shirt. So no conversation was okay by me because I needed some help being brave. I wanted to think this guy could leap tall buildings in a single bound.

I left the hotel and slipped into the air-conditioned security of a new black Mercedes.

"Your car?" I asked Miguel.

"More or less."

He walked me to the security check, waited watchfully while I went through. No hassle this time. And then I was on my own. In theory this was a safe zone. Still, I found a seat with my back to the wall and I boarded last, looking for familiar or suspicious faces.

I was in the last row with three empty seats next to me. Lula's seat, Connie's seat, and a seat reserved for Singh.

I was happy to once again have my back to the wall, but I felt naked without hardware. By the time I deplaned in Newark I was too tired to be afraid. God bless those lucky souls who can sleep while flying. I've never been one of them. I'd arranged to meet Morelli at baggage claim. I didn't have any baggage to claim, but it was the easiest pickup point. It was seven in the morning, Jersey time. My teeth felt furry and my eyes ached.

I searched the crowd for Morelli. Morelli's face softened when he saw me. He reached out and went to draw me to him, but I pulled away. He made a face but accepted it.

He dropped me off at home. When we got to my apartment, I gave him Singh's laptop.

"I'm not going to open this. I'm going to turn it over to the experts first thing tomorrow. "

That had been my thought, too. I hadn't fooled with the computer.

"Have you told Vinnie about Singh?" Morelli asked.

"I left that for Connie. She stayed behind to clean some things up. "

"Vinnie'll put a good spin on it. You found Singh. That's the important part. The system worked. "

Joe tried to get me to invite him up, but I refused and went to my apartment alone nad went right to bed. I slept until late afternoon. When I woke up I got a quick shower and threw on some clothes. I was going to go shopping, I really needed to update Steph's wardrobe and I had the money to do it now.

I was at the mall for a few hours and by the time I left I had bought almost an entire new wardrobe and had also gotten my hair cut, it looked much more like hair now instead of a frizzy mess. I had to admit I was hot. I had bought form fitting clothes and some amazing shoes. I had lost Steph's extra weight and now I was looking amazing. Stephanie was always described as being beautiful, but I hadn't realized how much until I fixed the hair and got out of the too big jeans and the baggy t-shirts. I had also bought a new cell phone because the one I was using currently was kind of old.

I stopped on my way home and bought a new gun as well. I didn't like the little one Steph used now. I bought a Taurus Model 92. It was bigger than my old gun but much more my style. I bought ammo for it and took my new gun home. I also stopped and got some more groceries.

By the time I got home and put away all my new clothes and food, it was dinner time. I made dinner and ate it while I watched TV. After dinner I went to bed.

The next morning I went for my run and then took a shower. I got dressed in a pair of my new jeans, a black drapey off the shoulder shirt that tightened around my waist and some black peep-toe boots. I grabbed my new purse and cell phone and put my new gun in my bag as well.

I put a call in to Lula and got her at a truck stop.

"I'm fine, " she said. "Me and Boo are having breakfast. We're making real good time. We're traveling straight along Route Forty all the way. This here's real interesting. I never drove through anything like this before. This is cowboys and Indians country. "

I hung up, dropped a raisin and a small chunk of cheese into Rex's cage and told him I'd be back. I was going over to my parent's house. I stopped in the middle of opening my front door. I had called them my parents and earlier I had thought of them as my family. I shook my head and walked out the door. It was perfectly normal for me to be thinking of them as my parents, right?

I locked up after myself and saw Tank sitting in my parking lot. He looked at me briefly as I walked past, but then his eyes went back to my apartment building. I got into my car and drove away. Huh, that was strange.

I drove the short distance to Steph's parents' house and parked in the driveway. Grandma was at the door, waiting for me, responding to some mysterious instinct embedded in Burg women ... An early warning signal that a daughter or granddaughter was approaching.

"I thought that big guy was following you again? " Grandma asked, opening the door to me.

"Tank? He is, isnt he?" I said, turning to look out at the street. Tank wasn't there. Weird.

"You know you look different. If I hadn't watched you get out of that ugly car I wouldn't of known it was you. Your hair looks different. It looks real sexy, I bet you could get any guy you wanted looking like that." Grandma said. I smiled, it felt nice that someone noticed my new look.

"Thanks, Grandma. And I don't know where Tank is. He's supposed to be following me." I said.

"I wouldn't mind spending some time with him. You think he could go for an older woman?"

Young women, old women, barnyard animals. "Hard to say with Tank. "

"Your mothers at the store and the girls are off playing somewhere, " Grandma said. "Valerie's in the kitchen eating us out of house and home. "

"How's she doing?"

"Looks like she's going to explode."

I walked in the house and decided to call Ranger about Tank before seeing Valerie.

"Babe." he answered on the first ring.

"Where's Tank? I thought he was supposed to be following me?" I asked. There was a long pause on the other line.

"Call you right back, Babe" Ranger said, then disconnected. It was only about a minute before the Batman theme started coming from my phone letting me know Ranger was calling me back.

"Yo." I said, answering.

"Tank's outside your apartment, waiting for you to leave Babe. Cant you see him from your window?" Ranger asked, sounding amused like the thought of me going blind was funny.

"Considering I am no longer in my apartment, no I cant see him. I left a little bit ago. I just figured he was following me." I told him. There was another long pause. I bit my lip cause I felt kind of bad, I felt like I had just got Tank in trouble.

"Where you at Babe?"

"My parent's house, but I'm going to the bonds office in a few minutes."

"I'll deal with it Babe." and then he disconnected again. I was really going to have to have a talk with Ranger about the term "Bye" and how useful it was to say before you hang up the phone.

I walked into the kitchen and took a chair across from Valerie. She was picking at a bowl of macaroni and chicken salad, not showing much enthusiasm for it.

"What's up?" I asked. She looked at me for a second.

"Holy shit, Stephanie?" Valerie asked looking shocked.

"Yeah." I answered, looking down at myself. I didn't think it was that big of a change, I still looked like Steph only more put together and less frizz.

"Wow. You look good, didn't realize it was you at first." Val said, complementing me and insulting me all in one sentence. I shook my head and chose to ignore it.

"Well, ah, I dunno what's up. I'm not hungry. I think I'm in a slump. My life is same old, same old. "

"You're having a baby. That's pretty exciting. "

Valerie looked down at her stomach. "Yeah. " She gently rubbed the baby bulge. "I'm excited about that. It's just that everything else is so unsettled. I'm living here with Mom and Dad and Gram. After the baby there'll be four of us in that one small bedroom. I feel like I'm swallowed up and there's no more Valerie. I was always perfect. I was the epitome of well-being and mental health. Remember how I was serene? Saint Valerie? And I adapted when I moved to California. I went from serene to perky. I was cute," Valerie said. "I was really cute. I made birthday cakes and pork tenderloins. I bought my jerk-off husband a grill. I had my teeth bleached."

"Your teeth look great, Val. "

"I'm confused. "

"About Albert?"

Valerie rested her elbow on the table and her chin in her hand. "Do you think he's boring?"

"He's too funny to be boring. He's like a puppy. Sort of floppy and goofy and wanting to be liked. " He could be a little annoying, but that's different from boring, right?

"I feel like I need a hero. I feel like I need to be rescued. "

"That's because you weigh four hundred pounds and you can't get out of a chair by yourself. After you have the baby you'll feel different." I said, knowing the real Steph, wanted to be rescued to, but I didn't. I liked being able to rescue myself.

"Do you think Albert is at all heroic?" Valerie asked me.

"He doesn't look like a hero, but he gave you a job when you needed one and he's stood by you. I guess that's sort of heroic. And I think he'd run into a burning building to save you. " Whether he'd get her out of the building is another issue. Probably they'd both die a horrible death.

"I think you're doing the right thing by not getting married, Val. I like Albert, but you don't want to marry him just because Mom's in favor of it, or because you need a second income. You should be in love and you should be sure he's the right man for you and the girls."

"Sometimes it's hard to tell what's love and what's only indigestion, " Valerie said.

I left Valerie with the macaroni salad and drove to the office. Connie looked around her computer screen at me when I walked in.

"Can I help you?" she asked. I looked down at myself again. Did I really look like someone else?

"It's me Connie." I said. Her eyes got really big and then she jumped out of her chair.

"Steph!" she screamed, as she ran around her desk to me. She looked me up and down and then told me to spin.

"Shit, girl. Your looking smoking. I didn't even realize it was you. Geez, you cut your hair and look at them new clothes. Damn girl. And those shoes oh my god, I love them. When did you do all this? I just saw you."

"Yesterday. I was at the mall all day. I figured it was time for a makeover. What do you think?" I asked her.

"I love it. I didn't even know you could look that amazing."

"Ah, well. Thanks" I said, rolling my eyes.

"Ah, you know that's not what I meant." she said, smiling.

"Well?" I asked, after she had sat back down. "Are you married?"

"No. It turned out to be a joke photo. I caught the ten o'clock out of Vegas. "

"And the room damage?"

"It all went on Vinnie's credit card. Vinnie almost popped a vein when he heard. But then the reporters started showing up and Vinnie was distracted. The room bill got pushed on a back burner. You saved Vinnie's ass. You even made him look good. The visa bond worked. The guy fled. We found him. "

"Actually, the Vegas cops found Singh. "

"Not when Vinnie tells it. Vinnie's made some improvements on the story. So we all still have our jobs. Vinnie's not going to be selling used cars in Scottsdale. Everybody's happy."

Everybody except me. I was being stalked by a lunatic. And it was possible that I was indirectly responsible for causing three murders.

"Now that Singh is off the books, I've got a backlog of skips, " Connie said. "What would you like . . . First-time rapist, repeat domestic violence, assault with a deadly weapon, or possession?"

"What's the possession?"

"Kilo of heroin. "

"Whoa! That's a biggy. That's Ranger's. How about the deadly weapon. "

"Butchy Salazar and Ryan Mott got into a fight over Candace Lalor. And Butchy ran over Ryan with his Jeep Cherokee. Three times. "

"Butchy was drunk?"

"Yep."

"Give me Butchy. " I knew this was who Steph had picked in the book and I figured it he didn't even recognize me I probably should do something Steph would do. I wasn't sure I really wanted to explain everything to Connie right now. I was too busy worrying about how to tell Ranger. I took the papers from Connie.

"I'll give you the rapist, too. It's his first time around. Maybe he just forgot to show for court. I tried calling, but all I get is a machine."

"Have you tried his work number?"

"He's unemployed. Got fired when he got arrested."

I looked around. "It feels strange not to have Lula here. "

"Quiet, " Connie said.

"Empty. "

"Glorious, " Vinnie yelled from his inner office. "Freaking glorious."

I hefted my bag higher on my shoulder and I headed out. Tank and Ranger were standing guard on the sidewalk, in front of my car. Ranger looked angry, or well as angry as Ranger could look with his blank face firmly in place. They both looked at me when I exited the bond office and then Ranger looked away, but Tank's eyes widened and his mouth opened slightly. Ranger looked over at him and then over at me. It took him a second before he looked just like Tank.

I smirked and did a little finger wave at them. Maybe not looking like old Steph would be more fun, especially if I was going to be able to make Ranger speechless more often.

"Hey guys. I see you found Tank. Good, I was worried he had gotten lost." I said, with a smile as I walked over to stand in front of them.

"Babe?" Ranger asked, looking me up and down. His eyes had gotten almost black.

"Yeah, Ranger. What? Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked, all innocently and full of the perfect amount of confusion.

"I-I just have never seen you like that before. You look different. Good different, but I didn't even realize it was you." Ranger rambled. It was cute, so was the little stutter he had at the beginning of the sentence. Tank had composed his face at this point. After Ranger realized what he had just said, he snapped his mouth shut and put his blank face back up.

"I just bought some new clothes, cause I lost some weight recently and I cut my hair because it was getting a little crazy. I don't see why everyone is acting like I'm someone else entirely." I said, hiding my smile because that's exactly what I was. Someone else entirely.

**AN: To see how Steph's hair looked and how she dressed before her makeover and how Steph/Kole looks now after her makeover as well as her outfit for this chapter and her new gun check out my profile. I'll put links up for them. Review and let me know what you think.**


	27. Chapter 27

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own the Stephanie Plum series. _

**Not Quite Right**

By

Kole

_Previously…_

_"I-I just have never seen you like that before. You look different. Good different, but I didn't even realize it was you." Ranger rambled. It was cute, so was the little stutter he had at the beginning of the sentence. Tank had composed his face at this point. After Ranger realized what he had just said, he snapped his mouth shut and put his blank face back up._

_"I just bought some new clothes, cause I lost some weight recently and I cut my hair because it was getting a little crazy. I don't see why everyone is acting like I'm someone else entirely." I said, hiding my smile because that's exactly what I was. Someone else entirely._

Chapter 27

"Tank is going to follow you again today. He didn't realize it was you, when you left this morning. Understandably." Ranger said. Then, in a much different tone he said, "We need to talk later, Babe."

Ranger, then, nodded at Tank and went to his car and drove away. I knew I was going to have to talk to him, explain everything to him. I was ready. He deserved to know. I needed to know if he could…I just needed to know what he would do once he knew everything.

"I have a couple FTAs, " I said to Tank. "One's in the Burg and one's in Hamilton Township."

"It might be easier if we took one car for the busts, " Tank said.

I agreed and then just because I wanted to hear his answer I asked, "Do you want to drive or ride shotgun?"

Tank's eyebrows raised a fraction of an inch. Shocked that I would even consider driving. I knew Tank only rode shotgun to Ranger.

"It's the twenty-first century, " I told Tank. "Women drive. "

"Only in my bed, " Tank said. "Never in my car. "

I didn't have a reply to that, but I agreed with Steph it sounded like an okay philosophy. So I got into Tank's SUV, told him where I needed to go and we were off.

I gave him, the rapist, Steven Wegan's address in Hamilton Township just off of Klockner Boulevard, since I knew Butchy Salazar wouldn't be at home until later. A couple minutes later we were parked in the lot in front of Steven Wegan's apartment. We sat for a couple minutes, getting the feel of things. There was no activity.

"We'll both take the front door, I guess." I said, knowing he wouldn't split left the truck, crossed the lot, and I rang Wegan's bell. Wegan answered on the first ring. You've got to love first-time offenders. They don't know the drill. Next time around Wegan will be out the back door, hiding in the Dumpster.

He was a slim five feet, eight inches with close-cut brown hair and dark brown eyes. His papers listed his age as twenty-six. He was unmarried.

"Yes?" Wegan said, looking first to me, then up at Tank. The gears were turning in Wegan's head when he looked at Tank. Tank wasn't someone you wanted to unexpectedly find on your doorstep.

"Steven Wegan?" I asked. Wegan swallowed. "Un-hunh. "

I introduced myself and explained to Wegan that he missed his court date and needed to re-file. Wegan bobbed his head yes, but his eyes were saying no, no, no.

I reached back and took hold of the cuffs secured under my waistband. Wegan went white, turned, and bolted. And before I could make a move, Tank effortlessly grabbed Wegan by the scruff of his neck and held him two inches off the floor. Wegan kicked out and then went limp. Tank gave Wegan a shake, causing Wegan's feet to flop around.

"I'm going to put you down now," Tank said. "And you're not going to try anything stupid, right?"

"R-r-r-right, " Wegan said. I cuffed Wegan, we secured his apartment, and we all marched over to Tank's SUV. We put Wegan in the backseat, cuffed and shackled. I couldn't help thinking it would have played out differently if Tank hadn't been along. I probably would have had to do more. I liked Tank, I was hoping we could be friends.

"Do all your captures go like that?" I asked Tank.

"No," he said. "They don't always try to run. "

It was mid-afternoon when we left the police station. Wegan was back behind bars. Tomorrow morning he'd go before the judge who would once again set bail, higher this time. Vinnie would get a call from a pleading Wegan, and for another bonding fee, Wegan would walk.

We stopped off at Cluck in a Bucket for a late lunch and then motored over to the Burg to try our luck with Butchy. We parked across the street and looked up at Butchy's open windows. Television sounds drifted out to us. Butchy was home. We crossed the street and took our places on the small stoop that served as a front porch.

"Do you know this guy?" Tank asked.

"Yeah." Which wasn't a lie, technically. Steph knew him.

"Is he going to shoot at us?"

"Depends how drunk he is." I said, answering the same way Steph did in the book.

Tank drew his gun and I rang the bell. No answer to the bell. I pulled my gun out as well and Tank looked at it, raised his eyebrows at me, looking confused. I figured it was because of the gun I had. I rang again. Still no answer.

"He's not coming down," Tank said. I called Butchy on my cell phone.

"Yeah?" Butchy said, "It's Stephanie Plum," I told him. "I'm downstairs with my partner and we need to talk to you. "

"So go ahead and talk."

"You missed your court date and you need to reschedule. "

"And?"

"And you need to do it now. Come downstairs and open the door. "

"Suck my dick, " Butchy said.

"Sure, " I told him. "Just come down and open the door. "

"Fuck off, " Butchy said. "I don't feel like going to jail today. Why don't you come back next month. Maybe I'll feel like going to jail next month."

I told Tank to back up and stand on the sidewalk where Butchy could see him. I knew this wasn't going to end well for Tank if I didn't do this the right way.

"Look out your window, Butchy, " I said. "See the big guy standing on the sidewalk?"

"Yeah."

"That's my partner. If you don't open the door, he's going to put his foot through it. And then he's going to go upstairs and root you out like the rodent you are and put his foot up your ass."

"I've got a gun."

"Is it as big as Tank's?"

Tank was holding a . 44 Magnum.

"I swear to God, " Butchy said, "if you come in I'll blow your head off. " And he disconnected.

"He's not coming down," I told Tank. "And he says he's armed."

Tank walked up to the door, put his boot to it just left of the handle, and the door flipped open.

"Wait here, " Tank said.

"No way. This is my bust."

Tank turned and looked at me. "Anything happens to you, I have to answer to Ranger. Frankly, I'd rather take a bullet from this moron. ""

Too bad, " I told him, walking into the house. Tank stood there frozen for a second, then snapped himself out of it.

"I'm coming up the stairs," Tank called to Butchy. "When I get to the top I want you unarmed, face down on the floor with your hands where I can see them. "

I walked back out onto the porch and looked up and saw Butchy ass first, half out the window above me, just like I knew he would be. He was waiting for Tank to get to the top of the stairs and then Butchy was going to go out the window, onto the small roof over the stoop, and drop to the ground. Which is where Tank would break his leg.

I ducked into the doorway so Butchy wouldn't see me. I held my breath and waited to hear him on the roof. Tank got to the top of the stairs, Butchy's feet scuffed on the roof, and I jumped out. I had my gun two-handed and I yelled for Butchy to stop and freeze.

"I've got him, " I yelled to Tank. "He's on the porch roof."

Tank jogged down the stairs and moved to join me on the small patch of front lawn. I yelled at him to stop, just in time, as Butchy catapulted himself off the roof, and Butchy crashed to the ground.

I rushed in and grabbed Butchy by the arm, cuffing him behind his back while he still had the air knocked out of him. Butchy's leg was twisted at an impossible angle.

"Thanks, " Tank said. "He probably would of landed on me." I just nodded, he had no idea how right he was.

We called an ambulance for Butchy. Tank called Ranger. Ranger showed up just as the ambulance left. Tank and Ranger talked and I assumed it was about me since they kept looking over at me, then Tank got in his truck and left.

Ranger and I stood side by side and watched the truck disappear around the corner. A big, bald, jug-headed guy, neatly dressed in black jeans and T-shirt, pulled up and got out of an exact copy of Tank's truck. He had his muscle-bound, bulging arms crossed over his massive chest and his tiny eyes fixed on Ranger and me. I knew this to be Cal, but I didn't think he would be with me if Tank didn't get wounded.

"I have something I need to take care of with Tank, " Ranger said. "I've asked Cal to follow you around. "

"Cal has a flaming skull tattooed onto his forehead. And he has muscles in places muscles aren't supposed to grow. Cal looks like . . . Steroidasaurus." I said exactly what Steph said, but it was an accurate description.

"Don't underestimate him, " Ranger said. "He can spell his name. He's not overly violent as long as he remembers to take his medication. And he gives good shade."

"I like him." I said, with a smile. Cal was big and scary but in a good way.

Ranger just looked at me for a second and then smiled slightly, pulled me to him and kissed me on the forehead. Ranger stepped back and went and got into his truck and left.

It was almost six when we finally dealt with Butchy. Steven Wegan was in the lock up. I had body receipts for both of them. Not a bad day in terms of income. Definitely an interesting day, having spent it in the company of Ranger's Merry Men. I had gotten Cal to talk to me and he was actually pretty funny and sweet. He complemented me on my outfit and said he found it intriguing that I could catch 'scum bags' in high heels.

We were halfway through town when my cell phone rang and I knew what it would be about. "Your sister's in labor," Grandma said. "She was working her way through a Virginia baked ham when she started getting contractions."

"Is she going to the hospital?"

"She's trying to decide if it's time. Do you think I should call Albert?"

"Definitely call Albert. It's his baby, too. He's been going to the birthing classes with Valerie."

"It's just that she's not in a good mood. You know how it is when she gets disturbed in the middle of a ham."

Valerie was sitting on the couch in the living room when I arrived. She was doing her breathing exercises and rubbing her stomach. My mother and grandmother were standing beside her, watching. The two girls were on the floor, staring bug-eyed at Valerie. My father was in his chair in front of the television, channel surfing.

"So, " I said. "What's up?"

The front door crashed open behind me and Albert stumbled in. "Am I too late? Did I miss anything? What's going on?"

"Mommy's having a baby," Angie said. Mary Alice nodded her head in agreement. I was enjoying this, although I was a little nervous because I knew that I would be attacked at the hospital. I touched my gun, just to make sure it was there. It calmed me down slightly.

Albert looked terrible. His shirt was un-tucked and his eyes were glassy. His face was chalk white with red spots high on his cheeks.

"You don't look so good, " Grandma said to Albert. "How about a ham sandwich?"

"I've never had a baby before," Albert said. "I'm a little flub-a-dubbed. "

"I'm having another contraction, " Valerie said. "Is anyone timing? Aren't these coming awful close together?"

I didn't know anything about having a baby, but I knew it worked better if you delivered it in the hospital. "Maybe we should go to St. Francis, " I said. "Do you have a suitcase ready?"

Valerie went into the breathing and rubbing mode again and my mom ran upstairs for the suitcase.

"So what do you think, Valerie, " I asked when she stopped rubbing and puffing. "You've done this before. Are you ready to go to the hospital?"

"I was ready weeks ago, " Valerie said. "Someone help me get up."

Albert and I each took an arm and pulled Valerie up. She looked down. "I can't see my feet. Do I have shoes on?"

"Yep, " I said. "Sneakers. "

She felt around. "And I've got pants on, right?"

"Black stretchy shorts." Stretched to within an inch of their lives.

My mother came down the stairs with the overnight bag. "Are you sure you don't want to get married?" she asked Valerie. "I could call Father Gabriel. He could meet you at the hospital. People get married in the hospital all the time. "

"Contraction!" Valerie said, huffing and puffing, holding Kloughn s hand in a death grip. Kloughn went down to one knee. "Yow! You're breaking my hand!"

Valerie kept huffing. "Okay, " Kloughn said. "Okay, okay. It's not so bad now that the hand's gone numb. Besides, I got another one, right? And probably this one's not actually broken. It's just mashed. It'll be fine, right? Mashed isn't so bad. Mashed. Squished. Smushed. That's all okay. That's not like broken, right?"

The contraction passed and we propelled Valerie out the door, down the sidewalk to the driveway. While the rest of us were flub-a-dubbed, my father had slipped outside and started the car.

We put Valerie in the front seat. Albert, my mom, and I got in the backseat. Grandma and the girls stayed behind, waving. The trip was only several blocks long.

Albert and I walked Valerie in through the emergency entrance and my mom and dad took off to park the car. A nurse came forward.

"Omigod!" she said. "Valerie Plum? I haven't seen you in years. It's Julie Singer. I'm Julie Wisneski now."

Valerie blinked at her. "You married Whiskey? I had a big crush on him when I was in high school."

"Big contraction, " Valerie said, her face turning red, her hands on her belly.

"So what do you think?" I asked Julie. "I don't know a lot about this stuff, but she looks like she's going to have a baby, right?"

"Yeah," Julie said. "Either that or forty-two puppies. What have you been feeding her?"

"Everything."

My mom and dad hustled in and went to Valerie. "Julie Wisneski!" my mom said. "I didn't know you were working here. "

"Two years now, " Julie said. "I moved from Helene Field. "

"How are the boys? And Whiskey?" my mom wanted to know. Big smile from Julie. "Driving me nuts. "

My dad was looking around. He didn't care about Whiskey and the boys. He was scoping out televisions and vending machines. Good to know where the essentials are in a new environment.

Julie wedged Valerie into a wheelchair and took her away. My parents went with Valerie. Kloughn and I were left to complete the admission ritual. From the corner of my eye I caught site of a black hulking mass, positioned against a wall. Cal was still watching over me.

When we satisfied admissions that the bill would be paid, I sent Albert upstairs to be with Valerie and I went over to talk to Cal.

"It's not necessary for you to stay, " I said. "I'm going to be here for a while. When I'm done at the hospital I'm going back to my apartment. I don't think I'm in any danger." I said, lying.

Cal sent me a look that clearly said 'yeah I don't think so'.

I slipped out the emergency room door and called Ranger and filled him in. I tried to keep to the same script as Steph said in the book. I was ready for FisherCat and I also knew that Cal would be passing out soon anyway.

"So I thought it didn't make sense for Cal to stay here all night while I'm with Valerie."

"Hospitals don't screen for killers," Ranger said. "Keep Cal with you."

"He's scaring people."

"Yeah, " Ranger said. "He's good at that."

I disconnected, returned to the emergency room lobby, and went upstairs to look for Valerie. Cal followed close at my heels.

We found Valerie on a gurney, in a hospital gown under a sheet, her stomach a huge swollen mound on top of her. My mother and father were at her head. Albert was holding her hand. Julie was attaching an ID bracelet onto Valerie's wrist.

"Omigod, " Valerie said. "Unh!"

And her water broke. It was an explosion of water. A tidal wave. We're talking Hoover Dam quantity water. Water everywhere . . . But mostly on Cal. Cal had been standing at the bottom of the gurney. Cal was totally slimed from the top of his head to his knees. It dripped off the end of his nose and ran in rivulets down his bald head. Valerie drew her legs up, the sheet fell away, and Cal gaped at the sight in front of him.

Julie stuck her head around for a look. "Uh-oh, " Julie said, "there's a foot sticking out. Guess this is going to be a breech baby."

That was when Cal fainted. CRASH. Cal went over like he was a giant redwood cut down by Paul Bunyan. Windows rattled and the building shook. I smiled, it was kind of gross but funny. Everyone clustered around Cal.

"Hey, " Valerie yelled. "I'm having a baby here!"

Julie went back to Valerie. "Is it a girl or a boy?" Valerie wanted to know.

"I don't know, " Julie said, "but it's got big feet. And it's not a puppy."

A doctor appeared and took charge of Valerie, wheeling her down the hall. Kloughn and my mom followed after Val and the doctor. My father wandered into a room that had a ball game going. And I watched a couple nurses pop ammonia capsules under Cal's snout. Cal opened his eyes but it didn't look like anyone was home.

"He hit his head pretty hard when he fell, " one of the nurses said. "We should get him checked out."

It took six people to get Cal onto a stretcher and then they rolled him away in the opposite direction they'd gone with Valerie. One of the nurses asked if I knew him. I said his name was Cal. That was about it. That was what I knew. I wasn't allowed to use my cell phone in that part of the hospital, so I went outside to call Ranger.

While I was walking out, I realized I had been calling Steph's family, mine all day. Then I thought about it and smiled, because I realized that they were my family.

I called Ranger once I got outside.

"About Cal... " I said. "He's sort of out of commission."

"Used to be you destroyed my cars, " Ranger said.

"Yeah, those were the good old days."

"How bad is it?"

"Valerie's water sort of broke on him and he fainted. Bounced his head on the floor a couple times when he went down. Lucky, he was in the hospital when it happened. He was looking a little dopey, so they took him somewhere for testing."

"St. Francis?"

"Yep."

Disconnect.

The sky was overcast and a fine mist was settling around me. Streetlights popped on in the gloom. A block away, headlights glowed golden on cars cruising Hamilton. I'd exited the emergency entrance on Bert Avenue to make the call. I'd walked toward the back of the building, going just far enough to avoid activity. I had my back pressed to the brick wall of the hospital while I talked, trying to stay dry.

A kid walked out of emergency and turned toward me, moving with his head down against the light rain, hugging a small gym bag to his chest. From the brief look I'd caught of his face I'd put him somewhere in his late teens to early twenties. Not really a kid, I guess, but he dressed like a kid. Low-slung baggy homeboy pants, gym shoes, short-sleeved shirt unbuttoned over a black T-shirt, spikey green hair. Probably had multiple piercings and tattoos, but I couldn't see any from this distance. I knew who he was and a shot of panic shot through me. I took a deep breath and took my gun out of my purse and put it into the back of my jeans.

I dropped my phone into my purse and headed back to emergency. The green-haired kid got a couple feet from me and staggered a little, bumping against me. He picked his head up, looked me in the eye, and raised a gun level with my nose. "Turn and walk, " he said, "I'm really good with this gun. I'll shoot you dead if you make a single false move."

Usually there were people hanging out around emergency, but the rain had driven everyone inside. The street was deserted. Not even car traffic.

"Is this about money?" I asked him, knowing it wasn't but I wanted to get him talking. "Just take my bag."

"Hah, you wish, sweetie pie. This is The Game and I'm the winner. Just me and the Web Master left. I get to go on to the next game after I do you."

I turned and gaped at him.

"What?" he asked. "You didn't know it was me? You didn't think the hunter had green hair?"

"Who are you?"

He jumped and slashed at the air. "I'm the Fisher Cat. "

I'd never heard of a fisher cat. "Is that a real animal or did you make it up?"

"It's a member of the weasel family. It moves along real quiet. You hardly know it's around. It's real sneaky. And it's ferocious. "

"Have you ever seen one?"

"Well, no, not exactly. You know, like, in a book. "

"If I was going to name myself after an animal I'd want to see it first."

"That's because you have no imagination. Gamers have imagination. We create stuff. "

"What stuff?"

"The Game, stupid. And then we transcend the game. The game becomes the reality. Is that total whack, or what?"

"Yeah, total whack. "

I kind of hated this kid, he was way too cocky for his own good. "So this is a game," I said. "With a Web Master?"

"Pretty cool, huh?"

"Did you pull wings off butterflies when you were a kid?" I asked, it was what Stephanie had said in the book but I thought it was a valid question.

"No. I was a total wimp kid. I was a wimp until I found the Web Master and got into The Game."

"Are there rules to The Game or do you just go around randomly killing people?"

"The Web Master runs The Game. He's the one who decides who can play. Not everyone gets to play, you know. There are always five players and a prize. This time you're the prize. I know you've been getting messages from the Web Master. That's part of his job. He's the one who keeps the rabbit running while the players are in the elimination stage. This is my second game. The first game was a couple years ago. I was last man standing on that one, too. I got to hunt a cop that time."

"What's with the flowers?"

"That's The Game designation. If you play the Web Master's game, you're a Red Roses and White Carnations player. "

I couldn't believe I was standing on the sidewalk, talking to this kid who looked more like the Green Goblin than a Fisher Cat and was holding me at gunpoint. . . And not a car drove by. No one strolled through the emergency room doors, looking for a place to sneak a smoke. No emergency vehicles barreled down the street with lights flashing. I knew this was Stephanie's bad luck, but it was still kind of unbelievable.

"You look kind of young to be killing people, " I said. As if age mattered when you were insane.

"Yeah, so far as I know, I'm the youngest player. I was seventeen when I killed Lillian Paressi. I got so excited I did the deed on her after she was dead."

"That's sick and disgusting."

Fisher Cat giggled. "Maybe I'll do it on you, too, after I blow your head apart. I should have done it on Singh. The Web Master sent me to Vegas to get Singh. Really nice of you to find the little jerk for us. You don't just walk out on a Game. The Game is everything."

I thought I was sounding pretty comfortable. My voice wasn't wobbling. My breathing appeared normal. I was asking questions. This was a seriously sick person. He had a gun. And it was going to ruin his night if he didn't kill me. I wasn't going to let him kill me, I was planning on subduing him or killing him if it came to that. Even though I really didn't want to kill him.

"The Fisher Cat has a real good sense of smell, " he said. "I can smell your fear."

"I don't think that's fear you smell, " I said. "My sisters water broke on me."

"Don't joke about it, " he yelled. "This is serious. This is the Game."

Oh boy. Good going. Now he's mad. He waved the gun at me.

"Walk toward the garage."

I hesitated and he shoved the gun in my face. "I swear to God, I'll kill you right here if you don't start walking, " he said, still agitated. I walked toward the garage. We were still on the sidewalk, almost to the back of the garage. I assumed we were going in through the rear exit and once we were inside I would make my move.

"Stop here, " he said. "This is my truck. "

It was a dark blue pickup parked at the curb. The paint was faded and there was rust showing around the tail pipe. The bed was covered with an old white fiberglass cap.

"Get in the back, " Fisher Cat said. "We're going for a ride. "

No way was I getting into the truck. I rolled out and jerked away from him. He fired off a shot and I felt the bullet bite into my arm. I looked down at my arm and then reached forward and grabbed his hand with the gun in it and twisted it. He dropped his gun and grabbed his hand. I punched him hard across the face, hard enough that he staggered back and grabbed his mouth.

I grabbed him by his ridiculous green hair and banged his head into the truck a couple times. He flailed out with his arms and kicked at my legs. I let him go and when he st ood and turned towards me, my knee connected with Fisher Cat's crotch and I shoved his gonads halfway up his throat.

Fisher Cat went dead still and then a slammed me fist smashed Fisher Cat's nose, again. The nose gave with a sickening crunch and blood spurted out.

His right hand blindly struck out at me, he made contact with my arm, and lights exploded behind my eyes. I knew he had stunned me. I could feel myself blacking out, so I grabbed my gun out of my pants and fired one shot at him, before the black consumed me.

When I came around I was on my back on the sidewalk. The misting rain felt good on my face. It was dark, but there were lights everywhere. Red and blue and white. The lights were haloed in the rain, giving them a surreal quality.

The fog cleared from my head. I blinked and Ranger and Morelli swam into my field of vision. There were a lot of other people behind them. A lot of noise. Cops. Yellow crime scene tape, slick with rain.

"What happened?" I asked.

"It looks like you took a few volts," Morelli said. His lips were tight and his eyes were hard.

It took a beat for me to remember . . . Fisher Cat had stunned me. "Stun gun, " I said. "I didn't see it until it was too late."

Morelli and Ranger each got a hand under an armpit and hauled me up to my feet. The first thing I saw was Fisher Cat motionless on the grass beside his truck. A couple cops were in the process of setting lights to illuminate the body. "Holy cow, " I said. "He looks dead." I didn't remember if I had actually hit him when I had shot at him. I looked closer and saw a bullet hole in his forehead

"That's my bullet hole, isn't it?" I asked Morelli. "Yeah. We checked your gun. It was fired. Although I'm not sure if it was your gun, you just had it in your hand." Morelli said, holding up my gun in an evidence bag.

"Yeah, that's my gun. I just got it. Am I gonna get it back soon?" I asked.

"Yeah." Morelli said, somewhat distracted. He was staring at me, looking confused and angry at the same time.

Ranger was grinning. "Somebody beat the shit out of this guy before he got shot."

"That would be me, " I said.

"Babe, " Ranger said, the grin widening.

My arm felt like it was on fire. The entire upper half was wrapped in gauze and a fine line of blood had begun to seep through the gauze. "I'm missing a chunk of time, " I said. "What happened after I went lights out?"

"Ranger and I pulled in minutes apart and we got worried when we couldn't find you, " Morelli said. "We knew you went outside to make some calls, so we went looking for you."

"And you found me laying here unconscious and the green-haired guy dead?"

"Yeah. " Again, the tight lips and flat voice. Morelli didn't like finding me unconscious. Morelli loved me. Ranger loved me, too, but Ranger was programmed differently. I loved Ranger and I found Morelli attractive and thought I might be able to be friends with him if he stopped trying to get in my pants.

"Your turn, " Morelli said, snapping me out of my inner thoughts.

I told them everything I knew. I told them about the game. About Fisher Cat. About the webmaster. About the cop.

"We need to do this downtown, " Morelli said. "We need to get this recorded. "

It was raining harder. My hair was soaked. The bandage on my arm was soaked. I was streaked with mud and blood.

"How's Valerie?" I asked. "Is she okay? Did she have the baby?"

"I don't know, " Morelli said. "We haven't checked on her."

The ME angled his truck into the curb just in front of the blue pickup. He got out and walked toward the body. He looked over and nodded to Morelli.

"I need to talk to him," Morelli said to me. "And you need to go inside and get your arm looked at. Its not serious. The bullet just grazed you, but it probably needs stitches." He looked over at Ranger.

"If anyone in her family sees her like this, they'll freak."

"No sweat," Ranger said. "I'll get her cleaned up before I get her stitched up."

Ranger loaded me into his truck and drove me to my apartment. He went in first and I walked in after him. I knew there wasn't going to be anything or anyone in there.

"I'm going to go get a shower," I told Ranger.

"Do you need any help?"

"I can manage."

His eyes darkened. "I'm good in the shower. "

My temperature went up a couple notches. "I know. If I need help, I'll yell for you. "

Our eyes held. Then I smirked and turned and went to the bathroom. I thought I saw Ranger smile as I turned.

I took a boiling hot shower, scrubbing away the dirt and blood and horror, being careful not to soak my slashed arm any more than was necessary. I toweled off and got dressed in clean jeans, a new grey tank top so as to not cover up my wound, and a pair of sneakers. I tucked my wet hair behind my ears, covered it with a knit hat, and went out to the living room. Ranger was slouched on the couch, watching a ball game.

"All done," I said. Ranger stood and clicked the television off.

"Look good, Babe." He slid an arm around my shoulders and herded me to the front door.

"I called the hospital. Valerie had a baby girl. They're both doing great."

Happiness and relief rushed through me, even if I already knew this would be the case.

"What about Cal?" I asked.

"He's been has a concussion. Not serious enough to keep him in the hospital."

Ranger drove me to the hospital and walked me into the emergency room. He waited while my arm was cleaned and stitched. "Do you want me to call Morelli to come get you?" Ranger asked.

"No. Could you just let me check on Val and then drive me home?" I asked him.

"Course, Babe." Ranger said, putting his hand on the small of my back and leading me to the maternity ward. We located Valerie. My parents were gone, but Kloughn was still there, sitting on the edge of a chair at bedside.

"Sorry I missed the big event, " I said to Valerie. "I had a mishap with my arm here. "

"She was great, " Kloughn said. "She was amazing. I don't know how she did it. I've never seen anything like it. I don't know how she got that baby out of there. It was magic."

Kloughn's face was still flushed and his surgical gown was sweat stained. He looked dazed and a little disbelieving. "I'm a father," he said. "I'm a father." His eyes filled and his smile wobbled. He swiped at his eyes and his nose. "I think I'm still flub-a-dubbed," he said.

Valerie smiled at Kloughn. "My hero, " she said.

"I was good, wasn't I? I helped you, right?"

"You were very good, " Valerie told him. The baby was in the room with Valerie. She was wrapped in a blanket and she had a little knit cap on her head.

"We've named her Lisa, " Valerie said.

"Was it hard to pick out a name?" I asked.

"No," Valerie said. "We both agreed on Lisa. It's the family name that's giving us problems. "

Valerie looked tired, so I gave her a hug and a kiss. And then I gave Kloughn a hug and a kiss. And then we left. I'm not a huggy-kissy person, but this was a huggy-kissy occasion.

Ranger and I left the hospital and he took me to my apartment. I invited Ranger in to have dinner and he agreed. He watched me cook for a while and then asked if he could help. It was odd, cooking with Ranger. We cooked dinner and ate it and talked. We didn't talk about what I knew we needed to talk about and what Ranger probably knew we needed to talk about, but he asked about my new gun and he told me liked my new hair. He also liked my new clothes. He was a little surprised when I told him I had bought everything with money I had made bounty hunting. He seemed shocked but then just smiled and changed the subject. He asked me about shooting Fisher Cat and the nights events again, also.

It was weird, it was the most I heard him talk. I wasn't complaining though, it was nice and made me feel special. I liked talking to Ranger. I hoped he will still want to talk to me after he finds out I'm not the real Steph.

After dinner, Ranger pulled me up against him and kissed me. It was amazing. This was the kind of Ranger kiss I was hoping for. He kissed me breathless and then left. As my breathing evened out, I couldn't help but think how much I was going to miss him if he hated me once he knew the truth.

I shook myself out of it and got ready for bed. Tomorrow morning I had to go to the station and tell a recording machine everything I knew about Fisher Cat and the game. Tomorrow would be a big questions-and-answers day.

I woke up to my alarm clock ringing. I brushed my teeth and pulled my hair into a ponytail and got into my running clothes. I opened my apartment door and found a red rose and a white carnation wrapped in cellophane, sitting on the ground, just like I knew it would be. I had hoped it wouldn't be because I wasn't at Morelli's like Steph was in the book, but I figured it would be anyway.

I brought everything inside and locked the door behind me. I left the flowers on the table and opened the small square white envelope that had accompanied the flowers. The envelope held a note written on card stock.

_Are you pleased that I saved you for myself? Do you get hot when you think about me and all I've done for you? I could have killed you last night just as I could have killed you when I took you down with the dart, but that would have been too easy. Your death must be worthy of a hunter. After all, that's what you are. _It was signed, _Lovingly yours. _

I was just happy that there wasn't a lock of my hair in the envelope. I would have been really pissed off if he had cut my hair after I had just gotten it looking perfect. I wasn't sure why he hadn't taken my hair, but I figured it had something to do with the fact that I had changed the story by killing Fisher Cat myself.

I put the card down next to the flowers and went for my morning run. I didn't have my gun and I felt kind of nervous until I got outside and saw Tank sitting in his truck. I waved at him and took off for my run, but not before enjoying the look of shock on Tank's face when he realized what I was doing. I was willing to bet anything that he was going to be calling Ranger and informing him of this very fact.

I was hoping that Morelli would be able to give me back my gun today when I went to give my statement. I felt very vulnerable without it. I was happy that Ranger was still keeping a guy on me.

After my run, I got a shower and did my morning routine. I put on a pair of my new jeans, a grey toggled bomber, and a pair of new high-heeled boots. I grabbed my new phone and a pair of sunglasses, since it was sunny. I grabbed the flowers and card on my way out as well. I went out and knocked on Tank's window. I told him I had to go give my statement and he said he'd drive.

When I got to the cop shop Morelli took me into a small room with a table and two chairs. He plugged in a tape recorder and punched the on button. I walked my way through the conversation with Fisher Cat or Steven Klein as Morelli had explained to me, giving as much detail as I could recall. Morelli had told me everything he had told Steph in the book, before we started the interview. When we got to the part where I was zapped unconscious, Morelli shut the machine off. Before I left Morelli gave me back my gun, he apparently had checked to make sure I owned it legally. The fact that he checked made me want to smile and punch him at the same time, but I was happy to have my gun back. I slipped it into the back of my jeans and covered it with my shirt.

When I was done and got back outside Tank was gone and Ranger was in his place. Ranger was driving a black Porsche Carrera. He was wearing black cargo pants, a black T-shirt that looked like it was painted onto his biceps, black Bates boots, and a Glock in full view on his hip. Ranger was in bodyguard mode.

"Couldn't coerce any of your men into baby-sitting me?" I asked him.

He cut his eyes to me and he didn't exactly smile, but he didn't look unhappy, either. "You're all mine today, babe."

It sounded different when Ranger said it.

"Okay well I was planning on going to ask Connie if she has any skips for me, " I said to Ranger.

On the way to the bonds office, I filled Ranger in on everything Morelli had told me. "It has to be Clyde Cone, " I said. "Someone sent Steven Klein to Vegas to eliminate Singh. And there were only a couple people who knew Singh was in Vegas. Cone was one of them. I know it was him"

"It could also be someone Cone's talking to, " Ranger said. "There are three brothers and they all have friends and associates. I'm sure the police have cast a wide net around them, but it wouldn't hurt for you to talk to the Cones. Sometimes a man will share information with a woman that he wouldn't think to give to a cop."

"You know, instead of the office let's go to TriBro now. You know to get it out of the way." I said to Ranger, he just nodded and starting driving in the direction of minutes later, we were in the industrial park where TriBro was located.

He pulled into a parking lot for a moving and storage company and cut the engine. I looked over. "What's up?"

He reached behind me and snagged a black molded-plastic box with a snap closure. "I'm going to wire you. I want to make sure you're safe in there. "

"You're not going in?"

"No one will talk to you if I'm along. "

I raised an eyebrow. Ranger did the almost grin thing again.

"Sometimes people find me to be a little scary."

"No! Shocking. I'd ask if you ever thought of losing the gun or dressing normal, but I like you like this." I said, smiling at him. He actually smiled at this, but didn't comment.

He opened the box and removed a matchbook-size recorder. Ranger pulled my shirt out of my jeans and slid his hands under the shirt. He secured the recorder against my breastbone, just below my bra, with two crisscrossed pieces of surgical tape. The wire with the pin-head microphone ran between my breasts. "Ready to rock 'n' roll," Ranger said. He spun the Porsche out of the moving and storage lot and into the TriBro lot.

I crossed the lot and entered the building. I gave a big smile and hello to the receptionist and got waved through to Andrew.

Andrew gave me the hero's welcome. "Way to go! You found him. The office called about an hour ago."

"Yeah, but he was dead."

"Dead or alive makes no difference to me. All right, I know that's heartless, but I didn't really know him. And you saved me a lot of money. I would have been out the bond if it wasn't for you."

"Unfortunately, your problems aren't over. Singh was involved in a killing game. All game members are dead now with the exception of the game organizer. And I'm pretty sure the game organizer works at TriBro." I was actually positive.

He went perfectly still and the color drained from his face. "You're kidding, right?"

I shook my head. "I'm serious."

"The police have been around talking to us, but no one ever said anything about a killing game."

I shrugged. Andrew got up and shut his office door. "Are you sure about this? This isn't another witch hunt like the one Bart went through? That was a nightmare and nothing ever came of it."

"Lillian Paressi was a player in a previous killing game."

"What?" Color was returning to his face, the shock morphing to disbelief and anger. "That's ridiculous. That's the most insane thing I've ever heard. Why wasn't any of this brought out by the police?"

"They didn't know at the time."

"But they know now?"

"Yes. "

"Then why aren't they here?" he asked.

I did a palms-up. "Guess I got here first."

"When you say you suspect the organizer of this game works at TriBro, does that include me and my brothers in your list of suspects?"

"Yeah." Absolutely.

"So," I said. "It isn't you, is it?"

He was back in his chair and he was stunned. His mouth was open, his eyes were wide and blank, and a red scald rose up his neck into his cheeks. "Are you crazy?" he shouted. "Do I look like a killer?"

I had a vision of Ranger listening to this in the Porsche, laughing his ass off. "Just asking," I said. "No reason to get huffy."

"Get out. Get out now!"

I jumped out of my chair. "Okay, but you have my card and you'll give me a call if you want to talk, right?"

"I have your card. Here it is. He held the card up and tore it into tiny pieces. "That's what I think of your card."

I left Andrew and I scurried down the hall to Bart, laughing slightly. The door to his office was open so I peeked inside. Bart was at his desk, eating lunch.

"Can we talk?"

"Is it important?"

"Life and death."

He had a sandwich, a bag of chips, and a can of Coke in front of him. He took a chip and watched me while he ate.

"And?" he asked. I gave him the same suave spiel.

"I know about Lillian Paressi, " I said. "I know she was part of a killing game."

"Do you have proof of this?"

"Yes." Sort of. "I also know about the current game. And I think the game organizer works in this building."

Bart didn't say anything. His face showed no emotion. He selected another chip and chewed thoughtfully. "That's a serious accusation."

"It's not you. You're not the webmaster."

"You don't think it's me?" he asked, looking shocked.

"Nope. You have my card?"

"I do."

I backed out of Bart's office, waved, turned, and was almost knocked off my feet by Clyde.

"Oh jeez, " he said, grabbing for me. "I heard you were here and I came looking for you. I guess I wasn't watching where I was going. Shit. " He clapped a hand over his mouth. "Sorry. I meant to say shoot!"

I took a step back, trying not to show that I knew he was a crazy murdering psychopath. "No problem. I'm fine."

"Have you had lunch? Would you want to go to lunch with me? I'd buy. It'd be my treat."

"Gee, thanks, but my partner's waiting for me." I said, enjoying the feel of my gun against my back.

"Maybe some other time, " Clyde said, not looking the least discouraged.

"Yeah. Some other time."

I hustled out of the building, forcing myself to walk not run across the lot to the Porsche.

"Very smooth," Ranger said, smiling. I ripped the wire off and threw it on the dash. "I'm never wearing one of these again. You make me nervous!"

"I wanted to make sure you didn't get abducted into the broom closet and snuffed with a toilet brush," Ranger said. "One of these days we should talk about interrogation methods."

"It sort of went in the wrong direction. I don't know how that happened. "

I slumped in my seat. "I need lunch. A bag of doughnuts would be good."

"Would you settle for pizza?"

"Only if it's Pino's"

Ranger rolled the engine over and cruised out of the lot. "You didn't talk to Clyde."

"I talked more than I wanted. I just feel like shooting him whenever I see him."

We went to Pino's for pizza. We were on our way out when my cell phone rang.

"I have a problem here, " Connie said. "The police notified the Apusenjas about Singh's death over the weekend and now I have them sitting in the office. They want to talk to you. "

"Why me? You were in Vegas. Why can't they talk to you?"

"Mrs. Apusenja doesn't want to talk to me."

"Tell them I'm out of town. No, better yet, tell them I'm dead. Very tragic. Car crash. No wait, that would be in the paper. Flesh-eating virus! That's always a good one."

"How long will it take you to get here?"

"Couple minutes. We're at Pino's."

Five minutes later, Ranger parked in front of the office.

"You're on your own with this one, babe."

"Coward."

"Calling me names isn't going to get me in there."

I looked through the large plate-glass window. Mrs. Apusenja and Nonnie were sitting on the couch, bodies rigid.

I blew out a sigh and shoved my door open. "Wait here. "

Both women stood when I walked into the office. "I'm very sorry," I said.

"I want to know everything," Mrs. Apusenja said. "I demand to know."

Connie rolled her eyes and I heard the lock click on Vinnie's inner sanctum. I decided it was best to give everyone the abbreviated version. "We had a tip that Samuel was in Vegas, " I said. "So Lula and Connie and I flew out. "

"A tip. Who would tell you about Samuel?" Mrs. Apusenja wanted to know.

"He applied for a job and his previous employer was checked as a reference."

"This makes no sense," Mrs. Apusenja said.

"Samuel was living with a woman he met on a business trip," I said. "I spoke to the woman, but not to Samuel."

Nonnie and Mrs. Apusenja went perfectly still. "What do you mean, living with a woman?" Nonnie asked.

"He listed her house as his residence. And he was living there. I can't be more specific than that."

"I never liked him," Mrs. Apusenja said, narrowing her eyes. "I always knew he was a little pisser."

Nonnie turned on her mother. "You were the one who thought he was wonderful. You were the one who arranged the engagement. I told you these things were not done in this country. I told you young women were allowed to choose their husbands here."

"At your age you can no longer be choosy," Mrs. Apusenja said. "You were lucky to have an arranged engagement."

Nonnie slid me a look under lowered lashes. "Lucky to have him disappear and die," she murmured.

Yikes. "Okay, then, moving along, " I said. "We learned from the police that Samuel had been shot and killed at the airport, so we went back and got Boo." Okay, so I rearranged it a little. It made for easier telling.

"Boo!" Nonnie shouted. "Where is he?"

"We didn't want to put him on a plane, so he's driving back with Lula. I think they might be here tomorrow or maybe Thursday."

"Samuel Singh should rot in hell," Mrs. Apusenja said. "He is a dognapper and a philanderer. After all we did for him. Can you imagine such a terrible person?"

I turned and looked through the window at Ranger. He was in the car, watching with a bemused expression. Ranger found me amusing. If I had to deal with Mrs. Apusenja, so did he. Okay, so I was escalating the game, and Ranger would probably take this as a challenge issued, but I deserved to have some fun, too right? I knew this is what Stephanie had done in the book, but I just enjoyed this part so much that I didn't want to change it.

"Do you see that man in the black Porsche?" I asked the women. They squinted out at Ranger.

"Yes," they said. "Your partner."

"He's homeless. He's looking for a place to stay and he might be interested in renting Singh's room."

Mrs. Apusenja's eyes widened. "We could use the income."

She looked at Nonnie and then back at Ranger. "Is he married?"

"Nope. He's single. He's a real catch."

Connie did something between a gasp and a snort and buried her head back behind the computer.

"Thank you for everything," Mrs. Apusenja said. "I suppose you are not such a bad slut. I will go talk to your partner."

"Omigod," Connie said, when the door closed behind the Apusenjas. "Ranger's going to kill you."

The Apusenjas stood beside the Porsche, talking to Ranger for a few long minutes, giving him the big sales pitch. The pitch wound down, Ranger responded, and Mrs. Apusenja looked disappointed. The two women crossed the road and got into the burgundy Escort and quickly drove away. Ranger turned his head in my direction and our eyes met. His expression was still bemused, but this time it was the sort of bemused expression a kid has when he's pulling the wings off a fly.

"Uh-oh, " Connie said. I whipped around and faced Connie. "Quick, give me an FTA. You're backed up, right? For God's sake, give me something fast. I need a reason to stand here until he calms down!"

Connie shoved a pile of folders at me. "Pick one. Any one! Oh shit, he's getting out of his car."

Connie looked like she was going to bolt for the bathroom. "You lift your ass out of that chair and I'll shoot you," I said.

"That's a bluff," Connie said. "Your gun's home in your cookie jar."

I turned around slightly and pulled up the back of my shirt, showing her my gun before fixing my shirt and turning back around 's eyes widened and she shut her mouth.

I heard the front door open and my heart started tap dancing. It wasn't that I was afraid of Ranger. Okay, maybe at some level I was afraid of Ranger, but the fear wasn't that he'd hurt me. The fear was that he'd get even. Although, a part of me kind of wanted him to.

I grabbed a bond agreement and tried to force myself to read it. I wasn't making much sense of the words and it was only dumb luck that I wasn't holding the bond agreement upside down when I felt Ranger's hand on my neck. His touch was light and his hand was warm. I'd been expecting it and so I didn't react.

He leaned into me and his lips brushed the shell of my ear. "Feeling playful?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Watch your back, babe. I will get even."

**AN: Only one more chapter in the story, then I am going to start working on the sequel. I promise in the next chapter she is going to tell Ranger everything. The link to the outfit Steph/Kole wore to get her stitches and the one she wore the next day are on my profile, check them out. Let me know what you think of this chapter. Review, please.**


	28. Chapter 28

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own the Stephanie Plum series. _

**Not Quite Right**

By

Kole

_Previously…_

_I heard the front door open and my heart started tap dancing. It wasn't that I was afraid of Ranger. Okay, maybe at some level I was afraid of Ranger, but the fear wasn't that he'd hurt me. The fear was that he'd get even. Although, a part of me kind of wanted him to._

_I grabbed a bond agreement and tried to force myself to read it. I wasn't making much sense of the words and it was only dumb luck that I wasn't holding the bond agreement upside down when I felt Ranger's hand on my neck. His touch was light and his hand was warm. I'd been expecting it and so I didn't leaned into me and his lips brushed the shell of my ear. "Feeling playful?""I don't know what you're talking about."_

_"Watch your back, babe. I will get even."_

Chapter 28

Ranger reached around me and took the bond agreement I'd been holding.

"Roger Pitch, " Ranger read aloud. "Charged with assault with a deadly weapon and attempted robbery. Tried to hold up a convenience store. Attempted to shoot the clerk. Fortunately for the clerk, Pitch's gun misfired and Pitch took out his own thumb. "

I could feel Ranger laughing behind me as he turned to the second page. Connie was smiling, too. I knew that they knew Roger Pitch and while I didn't I also knew that Stephanie did.

"Vinnie wrote a five-figure bond that wasn't totally secured because there seemed to be a low risk of flight, " Ranger said.

"Pitch was a local guy with only one thumb. What could go wrong?" Vinnie yelled from his inner office, his words muffled behind his closed door.

"Goddamnit, " Connie said, opening drawers, looking under her desk. "He's got me wired again. I hate when he does that. "

She found the bug and dumped it into a cup of coffee. "Pitch didn't flee, " Connie said. "He's just refusing to show up for court. He's at home, watching television, beating on his wife when things get boring. "

"He's only a couple blocks from here, " Ranger said. "We can pick him up and I'll call someone in to shuttle him over to the station. "

"Okay," I answered.

Pitch answered the door when Ranger and I knocked and he calmly accepted that we were bond enforcement.

"I guess I forgot my date, " he said. "It's all these pain pills they got me on. Can't remember a damn thing. Lucky I don't put my pants on my head in the morning."

Ranger and I were both dressed for the visit in full Super Hero Utility Belts. Sidearms strapped to our legs, handcuffs tucked into the belt, pepper spray and stun gun at the ready. Plus Ranger had a two-pound Maglite, just in case we needed to see in the dark. The lite could also crack a head open like a walnut.

"Let me just shut the television off, " Pitch said. And then he whirled around, slammed the door shut, and threw the lock.

"Fuck, " Ranger said. I knew that Ranger didn't often curse and he rarely raised his voice. The fuck had been entirely conversational. Like he was now mildly inconvenienced. He put his Bates boot to the door and the door popped open to reveal Pitch at the end of the hall with a gun in his left hand. I stepped to the side of the door and drew my gun before Ranger had a chance to push me like he did in the book. I wasn't really in the mood to be shoved into a bush.

"You're just a couple amateur pussies," Pitch yelled. Ranger stepped to the other side of the door and drew his gun. Pitch squeezed one off, but he was shooting with his left hand and clearly he wasn't ambidextrous because the round hit the hall ceiling. The second round bit into the wall.

"Goddamn, " Pitch shrieked. "Piece of shit gun!"

Pitch had destroyed his thumb with a semiautomatic. And I guess one misfire was enough for him because he was now holding a revolver. The revolver held six rounds and Pitch fired them all off at us. Ranger and I were counting shots. There was silence after the sixth shot. Ranger stepped into the doorway, gun drawn, and told Pitch to drop his weapon. I saw that Pitch was trying to get another round into the chamber. Problem was, he couldn't do it with the bandaged hand, so he had the gun rammed between his legs and he was fumbling with his left hand. Ranger gave his head a small disbelieving shake. Like Pitch was so pathetic he was an embarrassment to felons the world over.

Pitch gave up on the gun, threw it at Ranger, and ran into the kitchen. Ranger turned to me and smiled. Ranger ambled into the kitchen where Pitch was rummaging in a junk drawer, presumably looking for a weapon. Pitch came up with a screwdriver and lunged at Ranger. Ranger grabbed Pitch by the front of his shirt and threw him about twelve feet across the room. Pitch hit the wall and slid to the floor like a glob of slime. Ranger cuffed Pitch to the refrigerator and called Tank.

"Send someone over, " Ranger said. "I have a delivery. "

We stayed to watch Pitch get taken away by yet another of the Merry Men, we secured the house, and we walked out to the car. "You know I went to push you out of the way, but you were already out of the way with your gun in your hand. I've never known you to be one step ahead of me." Ranger said.

Well, you better get used to it buddy because I'm probably going to be one step ahead of you for while, considering I know everything that's supposed to happen for pretty much the next couple years.

"Yeah, well.." I said, shrugging.

Ranger shot me a look and then opened the passenger side door for me.

I buckled myself in and looked at my watch. "My sister came home today with the baby. I should stop around and see how she's doing."

"Tank's going to be glad I didn't assign him to you today when he finds out how I spent my afternoon."

"You don't like babies?"

"I come from a big family. I'm used to babies."

"Well then?"

"My grandmother is a little Cuban woman who cooks all day and speaks Spanish. Your grandmother watches pay-per-view porn."

"She used to watch the Weather Channel, but she said there wasn't enough action."

"Maybe you should check the dose on her hormone replacement. Last time I saw her she was trying to imagine me naked."

I burst out laughing. "That's what happens when you're a hottie. Women imagine you naked. Lula imagines you naked. Connie imagines you naked. Two-hundred-year-old Mrs. Bestler imagines you naked. "

"How about you?"

"Yep, all the time." I said, not realizing my mistake until I had said it.

Stephanie had already seen Ranger naked by the ninth book, she wouldn't have to imagine him naked but me not being Steph I had to imagine. Ranger looked at me and his eyes were telling me that we had to talk. I knew we had to talk, I had to tell him. I was just hoping that I could put it off just a little while longer so that I didn't have to worry about Clyde anymore. Then I would tell him everything. I was really relived that he hadn't forced me to tell him yet, because I knew he could of. He knew something, I wasn't sure how much he knew, but he did know something and he wanted an explanation and I was going to give him one. Soon.

Ranger turned onto my parents' street. "I'm going to wait in the car. And if you send your grandma out to harass me, I swear. . ."

"Yeah?"

"I don't know what I swear. I can't think of anything awful enough to do to you that wouldn't leave you maimed or psychologically scarred."

"Nice to know there are boundaries. "

Ranger parked in front of my parents' house and got out of the car. "I thought you weren't coming in," I said.

"I'm not. I'm going to stay out here. I can't see the entire street if I sit in the car."

Grandma Mazur opened the front door for me. "Is that Ranger with you? Isn't he coming in?"

"He thinks he's coming down with a cold. Doesn't want to infect everyone."

"Isn't that thoughtful! He's such a nice young man. Lots of times men aren't nice like that when they're hot-looking. Maybe I'll bring him something from the kitchen. "

"No! He just ate. He's not hungry. And you can't take a chance on getting infected. What if you got sick and gave the cold to the baby?"

"Oh yeah. Well, you tell him I was asking about him. "

"You bet. "

Valerie was on the couch, nursing the baby. The girls were watching Valerie. My father was in his chair, concentrating on CNN. My mother came in from the kitchen, took a look at me, and made the sign of the cross. "Your arm is bandaged. And Ranger is outside, wearing a gun. "

She looked more closely. "Did you do something to your hair?"

"I got it cut." Well, at least someone recognized me, but I figure that is probably just a mother thing.

With the exception of the baby, everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at me. The phone rang.

"It's Lois Kelner across the street, " Grandma Mazur said. "She wants to know if we're being invaded. She said it looks to her like there's one of them terrorists in our driveway."

"It's just Ranger," I said.

"I know that, " Grandma said, "but Lois is calling the army. "

My mother did another sign of the cross. "Maybe you should get Ranger out of the driveway, " Valerie said. "Paratroopers landing on the roof would upset the baby."

Grandma's eyes lit. "Paratroopers! Wouldn't that be something."

"I'll try to get back later, " I told everyone.

I opened the front door and waved at Ranger. "Visits over. "

"That was fast. "

"The woman who lives across the street thinks you're a terrorist. She said she was calling the army. "

"You have plenty of time then, " Ranger said. "It'll take the army a while to mobilize. "

Ranger drove me back to my apartment. We walked in and I let Ranger search my apartment.

"I feel like I should be doing something to find the carnation killer, " I said.

"You have state and local police working on it now. They have a lot of resources and they have some good stuff to trace back. The photos, the emails, the flowers. And now they have interrelated murders. They can reexamine them and look for commonality. And they'll go back through case histories to see if they can find other victims of the game. Your job right now is to stay alive. "

I glanced over at Ranger. He'd gone through three of the victims' apartments. Plus Bart's townhouse. "Have you been through Kleins house?"

"I went through last night while the police were there. "

"The police allowed you access?"

"I have friends."

"Klein lived with his parents, " Ranger said. "His room was a typical kid's room. Messy, posters of rock bands, small arsenal under his bed, and a personal stash of pot in his underwear drawer. "

"You think that's a typical kid's room?"

"It was in my neighborhood. "

"What about a computer?"

"Klein had a laptop. His parents said he took it everywhere with him. It wasn't in his room and it wasn't in his truck. Probably the webmaster took the computer. Paressi's computer was missing. Rosen's computer was missing. By the time the police got to Howie's apartment, his computer was missing."

"Klein slipped up somehow when he took out Singh. He didn't get Singh's computer, " I said.

"He was probably waiting for Lu to leave, but you and Connie and Lula were in place by then."

"Everyone involved had a laptop, " I said. "Did they have anything else in common?"

"Singh, Howie, Rosen, and Klein were all computer geeks and loners. Paressi doesn't entirely fit the profile, but she became a computer junkie when she broke up with Scrugs. Probably there's a connection between her and Rosen. Maybe Paressi talked to Rosen about the game and Rosen came on board after Paressi was killed. They were all between the ages of nineteen and twenty-seven. Rosen was the oldest. None were especially successful."

"Clyde lives in a rental house on State Street. He shares the house with two other guys. I'm guessing he's known them forever. I found a photo of the three of them when they were in high school. The house is pretty much a wreck inside and out. Thrift shop furniture, broken blinds, refrigerator filled with beer and take-out boxes."

"You've been busy using your breaking and entering skills, " I said.

"I just enter. I don't usually break. "

"You broke down Pitch's door."

"Lost my temper. " I remembered that there should be another email today so I grabbed my laptop and booted it up. Ranger sat down next to me. I looked at the email.

_It will happen soon. Nothing can stop it. Are you excited?_

"This guy's turning out to be a real pain in the ass," I said. Ranger read the email over my shoulder then pulled me into a hug. I froze for a second because Ranger really wasn't a hug guy, I mean yeah sure he hugged Steph every now and then but not often and he had hugged me a lot recently. I ignored my inner monologue and relaxed into Ranger's arms and let the feeling of safety and love fill me.

Ranger left after the hug. I swear that guy drives me nuts, he initiates hugs and sweet kisses and whatnot and then disappears without so much as a word. One of these days I'm gonna punch him.

I got changed into some pajamas and dropped into my bed. I woke up to the sun streaming in through my bedroom window.

I got up, went to the window, and looked out. There was a shiny black Ford Explorer parked in my parking lot. Not Ranger. Ranger never drove the Explorer. Not Tank. Didn't look like Tank. Probably Cal. Hard to tell at this distance. I took a shower, dressed in a plaid half-sleeve shirt, jeans, and cute ankle cowboy boots and pulled my hair into a messy bun. I grabbed a new black knotted bracelet and threw that on as well. I thought about it for a second before walking over to my dresser and pulled out a thin little knife and carefully slipped it into my bun so I didn't cut any of my hair. I knew that tonight I was going to get kidnapped by Clyde if I couldn't figure out how to prevent it and I wanted a weapon, just in case. I grabbed my gun and put it in the back of my jeans and covered it with my shirt. I was on my way out the door when I remembered that if Clyde kidnapped me I was going to be in pitch dark, so I went and grabbed a little flashlight that fit into my boot without being uncomfortable. I hoped I would be able to stop it but just in case, I wanted to be prepared.

A half hour later, I rolled into the office. "Hey " Connie said "Heard about what happened to you, you okay?"

"Yep, just a little scratch." I said, shrugging.

"Omigod, " Connie said, looking out the big front window. "Its Lula!"

Sure enough, the red Firebird was parked at the curb and Lula was at the door with Boo under her arm. "What did I miss?" Lula wanted to know, coming over to the desk. "What's going on? Did I miss anything?"

I didn't know where to begin.

Lula shifted Boo on her hip. "Are you still looking for that carnation guy?"

"Yep, " I said. "Haven't found him yet. I tried calling you, but your phone wasn't working."

"I stopped to take a break, got out of the car, the phone fell on the ground, and the dog peed on it."

"You made good time, " Connie said.

"That is one motherfucker long trip, " Lula said. "I was in the car for eight hours and my ass was asleep when I hit Little Rock and I said, 'Stick a fork in me, 'cause I'm done. ' So I handed the rental car in and I hooked up with a couple truckers who drove day and night. And here I am. They dropped me off late last night."

Connie took a closer look at Lula. "Did you lose weight?"

"I lost ten pounds. Can you believe it? All you gotta do is eat meat all day. I've eaten so much meat in the last five days I can't remember ever eating anything else. I got meat oozing out my ears. And to tell you the truth, I'm starting to feel funny about all this meat. You don't think I could turn into like a meat vampire or something, do you?"

"I never heard of a meat vampire, " I said, a little surprised that the diet had worked I didn't remember it working but I figured that I probably just focused on the more important stuff of the book, like the death and kidnapping and whatnot.

"For the last couple days my teeth have been feeling funny. You know, like they're growing. Just these two ones in front. What do they call them . . . Canines. And then I was looking at myself in the mirror this morning when I was brushing my teeth and I was thinking they looked bigger. Like vampire teeth. Like I'm eating so much meat I'm turning into a carnivore. And I'm getting dog teeth."

Connie and I were speechless.

"Woah, what happened to you White Girl? You looking hot!" Lula said, like she couldn't believe I could ever look hot. I forgot she hadn't seen my makeover yet.

"I got my haircut and some new clothes. And I do look hot, that is possible ya know." I said.

"Fuckin' A" Lula said.

Lula and I packed off in my car and headed for the Apusenjas. Boo was on Lula's lap, ears up, eyes bright.

"Look at him, " Lula said. "He knows he's going home. Isn't it something the way dogs know these things? I tell you, I'm going to miss this little guy. " Lula cut her eyes to the rearview mirror. "Looks like you still got a bodyguard. "

I turned and squinted back at the Explorer. Cal was behind the wheel. And he had someone riding shotgun. Great. Now I had two baby-sitters. I whipped out my cell phone and called Ranger. "Lula's back, " I told him. "So, thanks anyway, but I don't need Cal. "

"He's staying, " Ranger said. "I can take care of myself. I want you to tell Cal to stop following me. "

"The carnation killer isn't going to move on you when you're so obviously guarded. He doesn't want to shoot you in the head from a distance. He wants to play with you. "

"Yeah, but this is really annoying and it could go on forever. "

"Not forever, " Ranger said. "Just long enough for the police to do their thing. They have some leads. Having Cal in place buys them some time. "

And he disconnected. It was the same call from the book, but I was willing to use any excuse to talk to Ranger. I liked the sound of his voice.

I parked in front of the Apusenjas' house. Lula leaned forward and adjusted the rearview mirror and checked out her teeth. "You're starting to creep me out with this teeth stuff, " I said.

"How do you think I feel? I'm the one turning into a ... Creature. I feel like Michael J. Fox in that werewolf movie. Remember when he started growing hair all over? It was like he was turning into Connie. "

Lula gave up on the teeth and looked over at the house. "I'm bringing this dog back because that's the right thing to do, but the bride of Frankenstein better not start on me. "

"The bride of Frankenstein likes us now. She said she guessed I wasn't such a bad slut. "

"Bet you got all excited over that. " Lula levered herself out of Big Blue, holding tight to Boo. She set him down on the ground. Boo ran to the Apusenjas' front door and started yapping to be let in. Mrs. Apusenja opened the door and let out a shriek. She scooped up Boo and held him close and got a lot of sloppy Boo kisses.

"Isn't that nice, " Lula said. "A family reunited. It almost makes me want to get a dog. Except for the peeing and pooping part. "

I was on my way back to the office when Grandma Mazur called. "We got a situation here, " she said. "I don't suppose you're in the neighborhood?"

"What kind of a situation?"

"Valerie decided she's going to marry Albert. "

"That's great. "

"Yeah, except Albert's been living with his mom and his mom isn't happy that Albert's not marrying in his faith. Albert's mom wants him to marry a Jewish girl and so she's kicked him out of the house. That means everyone's going to be living here. Albert just showed up with a couple boxes of his stuff and he's moving it into that little room upstairs with Valerie and the girls."

"Oh boy. "

"Exactly. We need to put rubber walls on this house. We don't all fit in it anymore. Your father says he's moving in with Harry Farnsworth. He's upstairs packing and your mothers all upset. "

"My dad's moving out?"

"I can sort of see his point on this. He had to drive to the gas station on Hamilton to use the bathroom this morning. So I don't exactly blame him, but what's your mother going to do if your father moves out permanent? Where's she going to find another man? It's not like she's a live wire."

I did a large mental sigh. "I'll be right there."

"Don't tell nobody I called you," Grandma said. I made a U-turn on Hamilton and smiled, knowing Cal was scrambling to follow me in the big Explorer. Lula leaned over the seat, watching him. "Good to keep a man on his toes, " Lula said. "I bet he's all worried back there, cursing you out. He can't find a place to wheel that SUV around. Uh-oh, he just jumped the curb and knocked over a garbage can. Ranger won't be happy to see a scratch on that shiny new car."

I pulled into the driveway, blocking my father's car so he couldn't make a getaway. Then I ran back to Cal, who was parking in front of the house. His face was red and a trickle of sweat traced a path down his temple.

"It's okay if you park here, " I said to Cal and Junior, "but don't get out of the car. Both of you stay here and try to look normal. " Even as I said it, I knew it was an impossible request. "And don't worry about that big gash in the right front fender. It's really not all that bad, " I said. The red in Cal's face kicked up a notch. It was kind of entertaining.

Lula was waiting for me on my parents' front porch. "You are so evil, " she said. "There's no gash in the right front fender. "

Grandma Mazur opened the door to me. "What a surprise, " she said, real loud. "Look everyone, Stephanie's here."

Mary Alice was back to being a horse, galloping around the house, making horse sounds. The baby was screaming surprisingly loud for a newborn and Valerie was furiously rocking it in the rocking chair. Angie was drawing on a pad in the dining room. She had cotton wads stuck in her ears and she was singing, trying to drown out the noise. Albert Kloughn was pacing in front of Valerie. "Maybe there's something wrong with her, " Kloughn said to Valerie. "Maybe we should take her back to the hospital. Maybe she's hungry. Maybe she's wet."

"Maybe she's got gas, " Grandma Mazur said. "I know I do. This family's getting on my nerves. I can't stand all this noise and commotion. It gives me indigestion. I gotta get some Maalox."

"I'm outta here, " Lula said. "Nice seeing you all, but I'm going to wait in the car. I'm not good with crying babies. I've been locked in a truck cab with a dog and two horny truck drivers for the last couple days and on top of that I'm worried I'm turning into a carnivore."

"I wouldn't mind hearing about the two horny truck drivers, " Grandma said.

I went into the kitchen where my mother was ironing. She always irons when she's upset. Ordinarily no one would approach my mother when she's got an iron in her hand, but I thought I should say something not to mention I wasn't Steph so it really wasn't all that hard for me to do.

"This house is bedlam, " I said to her.

"I got a nice almond ring from the bakery, " my mother said. "Help yourself. And there's fresh coffee."

Even when my mother was in a state, she was still a mother.

"I hear Val's getting married. "

"Thank goodness. "

"And I hear they're all going to live here."

"What can I do?" my mother said. "They have to live someplace. Am I going to turn my daughter out on the street? They're going to buy a house as soon as Albert gets a little more established."

There were heavy footsteps on the stairs. "Your father," my mother said. "He's moving out. We've been married for over thirty years and now he's moving out."

Only if he pushed my car out of the driveway. I knew this was when Steph offered her apartment to Val but I was living there so that wasn't an option. I walked back to the living room and watched Val. She shifted the baby so it could nurse. Lisa stopped crying and Valerie looked like she was morphing back to the serene Saint Valerie. I was thinking that there was probably a lot of my mother in Valerie.

"There's nothing like a baby, " Grandma said. Mary Alice galloped by and stopped to look.

"I'd rather have a horse, " she said.

"When she gets older you'll be able to help feed her, " Valerie said. "And she'll be as much fun as a horse."

"Horses have nice silky tails," Mary Alice said.

"Maybe we'll let Lisa grow her hair long into a ponytail, " Valerie said. "Would you like to take the little cap off her head so you can see her hair?"

Mary Alice took the cap off Lisa's head and we were all transfixed by the wispy dark hair that swirled from Lisa's crown and framed her face. Lisa's tiny hands were balled into fists, her eyes were open, and fixed on Valerie. I didn't feel the need for a baby like Stephanie did at this point. I just didn't really think that was something I would ever want. I decided it was probably time for me to leave and let them deal with this.

I yelled good-bye to my mom and I went out to Lula. Lula was in the car, looking antsy. "I don't know what's wrong with me, " Lula said. "I just feel all jumpy. I'm just not myself."

"You're not still worried about your teeth, are you?"

"I know they're growing. I can feel it. It's unnatural. And I got these cravings. I want to bite down on something. I want to feel it crunch in my mouth."

"Jeez. You mean like a bone?"

"Like an apple. Or a Cheez Doodle. Nothing crunches on this diet. Meat doesn't crunch. I'm crunch deprived."

I pulled away from the curb and Cal pulled away from the curb.

"Where are we going?" Lula wanted to know. "We're going to TriBro. I'm not sure what I'm going to do once I get there. I guess I'll figure it out then."

I cut across town and picked up Route 1. It was the middle of the day and traffic was light. Cal had no problem following me. I took the off-ramp that led to the industrial park and wound through the park to TriBro. I parked toward the back of the lot and I sat there, watching. "The killer is in that building, " I said to Lula.

"Who do you think it is?"

"I don't think, I know. It's Clyde."

"If you know then why aren't you doing something about it?"

"I cant prove it." I said.

After a half hour Lula was restless. "I gotta get something to eat, " she said. "I gotta stretch my legs. I'm all cramped up in this car. "

I was hungry, too. I didn't know what I was doing in the lot anyway. Waiting for divine intervention, I supposed. A message from God. A sign. Maybe for Clyde to walk out holding a sign that said, "It's me! I'm the killer!" I put the car in gear and left the lot with the Cal following close behind. I decided I didn't want to go to the mall, but I did need a new car because I so do not want to drive this ugly piece of blue thing any longer.

I drove us to a diner and we ordered food. Cal and Junior came in with us. We were sitting at a table against the wall, Cal and Junior had there backs to the wall. I figured I could trust them to watch my back, considering it was their job and I also knew no one was coming after me right now. Lula got a chicken. I got a cheeseburger. Cal and Junior got nothing. Guess they didn't eat while working. Didn't want to have a burger in their hand if they had to go for their guns. That was fine by me. I watched Lula tear into her food and I had a creepy thought that she might be right about her teeth. She could really rip apart a chicken.

"What are you staring at?" Lula wanted to know. "Are you staring at my teeth?"

"No! Swear to God. I was just. . . Daydreaming. "

After we ate we went back to the cars. I drove about a half mile down and pulled into a parking lot.

"What are we doing here?" Lula asked.

"I figured it was time to get a new car, why not have a nice ride before you face a murdering psychopath." I said, getting out of the car.

Lula, Cal, and Junior all got out as well. We spent the afternoon trying to buy me a new car because Cal and Junior kept having to inspect and ask questions that I probably would of never asked. I think it was a male thing, so I let them go. In the end I found a cute one that I liked and the Cal and Junior approved of. Lula liked it as well and she was also a little shocked to hear two of the Merry Men talk so much. It was fun and I drove away in a new blue 2011 Chevrolet Equinox. I felt much better in it then I did in Big Blue and it also made me happy that I had enough money that I could afford it. Lula drove Big Blue back to my parents house for me and I followed behind her and ran the keys in when we got there.

Cal and Junior had taken something off the bottom of Big Blue and stuck it to the bottom of my new car. When I asked, they said it was GPS and that Ranger would want them to do it. I shrugged, I knew that if they hadn't done it now they were right and Ranger would have them put GPS on the car later so whatever.

I dropped Lula off at her car at the office and then I went home.

I made supper and ate in front of the television. I put the dishes in the sink and then I grabbed my cell phone to call Ranger because I knew this was the night I was supposed to be kidnapped and I didn't want to be alone. I figured I'd be fine as long as I stayed in the apartment until Ranger got here. It rang once and the last thing I heard was Ranger saying "Babe."

I felt a piercing pain in my back. I dropped the phone and felt the blackness consume me.

Even before I opened my eyes I knew I was in trouble. Fear filled every part of me. The fear was a hard knot in my chest. The fear clogged my throat. I forced my eyes open and I looked around. I was on the floor, in the dark. I didn't seem to be hurt. I wasn't restrained. I moved my leg and realized I had a chain padlocked around my ankle. There were jingle bells attached to the chain. I could also tell that my gun was no longer in the back of my jeans. I knew where I was and what was going to happen and I didn't like it. I had hoped I stop Clyde before it got to this.

I had a dull throbbing ache behind my eyes. It was from the drug, I thought. The only source of light was a single candle burning on a desk to my right. The light was dim, but I knew where I was. I was at TriBro. I was in Clyde's office. I could make out the action figures in the bookcase to my left. I pushed myself up so I was sitting and realized someone was slouched in a chair, lost in shadow, watching me from across the room. The shadowed figure leaned forward into the candlelight and I saw that it was Clyde.

"You're awake, " he said. "And you look scared. Sometimes when I get scared I get sexually excited. Do you get excited when you get scared? Are you hot?"

The words sent a new rush of cold fear into my chest. I looked into Clyde's eyes and I saw the monster emerging.

"Get up," Clyde said. I steadied myself on the desk and got to my feet, swallowing back nausea from the drug. I looked up and my eyes met Clyde's. "You're surprised, right? I bet you never thought it was me." Wrong.

"Spider-Man didn't kill innocent people, " I said. Knowing that Web Master was a Spider-Man reference. Stephanie had asked Clyde what he wanted to do, and he said he wanted to be Spider-Man. Spider-Man was known as the webslinger and Clyde's game name was the Web Master. "Spider-Man was a good guy."

"I'm not the webslinger," Clyde said. "I'm the Web Master. There's a difference. And I don't kill innocent people. I run a game so people can kill each other. How cool is that?"

"What about the prey? Aren't they innocent?"

"I pick the prey out real careful. And they're never innocent. The cop killed a guy in the line of duty. And so have you. As soon as I saw you at the plant that day I knew you had to be the next prize. Bart tried to warn you away, but you wouldn't listen. It wouldn't have mattered. I had my mind made up right away."

"Bart knows about the game?" I asked trying to stall, I was trying to figure out how Clyde got me past Cal and Junior. I knew that Ranger had to be looking for me by now due to the phone call, he probably heard Clyde take me.

Clyde was smiling, rocking back on his heels, enjoying his moment. "Bart's confused. I got careless with the game two years ago and Bart got to read an email. Paressi and Fisher Cat were left in the game and I was giving them the kill clue. Bart didn't know it was a game. He thought I was involved with Paressi and he went to the kill spot to stop me from a crime of passion. Problem was, he got there too late. Paressi was dead and Fisher Cat was gone."

"And Bart was accused of the crime."

"Yeah. And he was being a hero, protecting me. What a moron. Then when the DNA came back he was totally confused. It wasn't his DNA, of course. And Bart knows enough science to know that the DNA couldn't have been mine, either. It had the wrong structure. It was Fisher Cat's DNA."

"Didn't Bart ask you about the email?"

"Yeah. I gave him some bullshit story about unrequited love. And he wanted to believe it. He wasn't warning you off because of the game. He was worried I'd go gonzo for you and write another nutcase letter."

"What about Andrew? Did Andrew know about the game?" I said.

Come on Ranger, find me please. Clyde was really freaking me out. I knew what he had planned but I didn't really want any of it to happen.

"Andrew? You gotta be kidding. Andrews got his perfect office, and his perfect family, and his freaking perfect house. Andrew doesn't see bad things. Doesn't allow them into his life. Doesn't ask questions that might have troubling answers. Andrew lives in Denial Land. Everyone always thinks Andrew's so perfect and everyone always underestimates me. Silly, lazy Clyde. Poor, dumb Clyde."

"And?"

"I'm not dumb. I'm smarter than everybody. Ask any of the people who play my game. "

"They're all dead, " I said.

"Oh yeah, " Clyde said on a giggle. "I forgot. "

"Why did Singh take off?"

"He was scared. He went after Bag Man, who you know as Howie. Somehow, Singh managed to screw up the kill and then his cover was blown. He turned chicken and ran."

"Now what?"

"Now we play. I've got a new game I thought up just for you. It's sort of a treasure hunt. And the grand prize is death. It's going to be a real good death, too. Scary and sexy and bloody."

This guy was so crazy. He'd been letting the insanity leak out little by little over the years and no one had noticed. Or maybe his family had noticed and chose not to recognize it for what it was.

"Okay, here we go," Clyde said. "I'm going to tell you about the game."

I already knew about the game, but I was hoping to stall long enough for Ranger to find me so I went with it.

"I can't think, " I said. "I have a headache and nausea from the drug."

"That should be passing. I gave you a small dose. Just enough to have you unconscious for the capture. Probably what you're experiencing is a blood pressure rise from the fear. You're scared, right?"

I looked at Clyde. I didn't say anything.

"Yeah," Clyde said. "You're scared big time. I can feel it. I'm very sensitive to these things."

I raised an eyebrow.

"I am," Clyde said. "I have heightened senses . . . Like a superhero or a werewolf."

"I understand pigs have a superior sense of smell. Maybe you're part pig." I was relieved not to have stuttered. I was so scared my mouth felt detached from my face.

"Here's the game plan," Clyde said. "All the doors are locked. You can't get out. Your only hope is to find a weapon and eliminate me before I get tired of playing with you. I have a loaded gun, a stun gun, and a big sharp knife hidden somewhere in the plant. Plus, there are things you'd naturally find here . . . Like acid and hammers and shit like that. I've got two of your buddies hanging out here, waiting for you to find them. If you die, they die, too. In fact, if you don't find them soon enough, they'll die. You have a half hour to find the first one."

"Who are they?"

"That's for you to discover. Oh yeah, and I forgot to tell you . . . You'll be doing this in the dark. You can take the candle if you want. Romantic, right?"

He was smiling again. I guess this was his idea of a date.

"I've disconnected the alarm system, " he said. "If you trip the smoke detectors the signal won't get sent out anywhere. The sprinklers will go off and we'll all get wet, but nobody'll come to save you. That might be fun . . . Seeing you in a wet T-shirt."

Clyde stood so I could see he was armed. "I have a twenty-two for the kill, " he said. "And I have a paintball gun and a pellet gun for the rabbit in the shooting gallery. That's you. You're the rabbit. Oh yeah, and I have a taser. It's new. I always wanted to use a taser." He pointed the taser at me. "This is the start of playtime. I'm going to give you a chance to run. I'm gonna count to twenty and then I'm going to shoot you with the taser. Go!"

He started counting and I took off.

Halfway down the hall I had to stop running. It was pitch black and I had no idea what was in front of me. I put my hand to the wall, feeling my way, jingling with every step. The hall led to the front foyer and I was prepared to crash through the glass door if necessary. I saw the ambient light from the foyer and broke into a run. I turned the corner and ducked. I heard a gunshot, I knew Clyde had shot the paintball gun at me but he had missed. I didn't want him to know this so I cried out.

"I'm right behind you, " Clyde said. "If you go toward the door I'll shoot you with the taser. I'm dying to use the taser. Sometimes they use these things for torture. The electric lead stays hooked into you with a barb and you can keep getting shocked. How cool is that?"

I was crouched on the floor and I could hear and feel him just a few steps to my side. I reached into my boot and grabbed my flashlight. I stood up, so that I was standing right in front of Clyde and turned the flashlight on shining it right in his face. He screamed a little and dropped the paintball gun to raise his hands to cover his eyes. I punched him hard in the face and he fell backwards and then I turned and ran towards Andrew's and Bart's offices. There was a faint bar of light under a doorjamb in front of me. I pushed the door and it swung open. It was Bart's office. The office was lit by a single candle on the desk. Albert Kloughn was duct-taped to the desk chair behind the desk. He had duct tape across his mouth and wrapped around his ankles. His eyes were huge and tears rolled down his cheeks. I ripped the tape off his mouth and was about to go for the tape around his torso when I saw the bomb.

"Don't touch me, " he said. "I'm b-b-b-booby-trapped. "

I locked the door from the inside and pawed through the junk on Bart's desk, looking for something helpful. My hands were shaking and my heart was thundering in my chest.

"I hate this, " I said. "And I hate the pathetic excuse for a human being who's out there stalking me. I'm going to kill him."

"You have to get help, " Kloughn said. "This guy is crazy. He's going to kill us."

"It's going to be okay. Just breathe and stay calm." I said, while I reached back and pulled the knife from my bun. I felt better now that I had a weapon in my hand.

I knew Clyde had hid a gun in the quality control area. I also knew that I was going to have to leave Kloughn where he was and that he would be fine. There was a knock on the door.

"You're not allowed to lock yourself in Bart's office," Clyde said. "It doesn't matter anyway, I've got a key. But now you're gonna have to get punished before we can go on with the playtime. "

I heard the key scrape in the lock and I grabbed a wooden crate half-filled with gears and threw it at the window that led to the warehouse. The glass shattered and I dove through the window. I didn't really care if I got cut, I was mostly focused on staying alive. I hit the ground and rolled, landing on two thousand metal gears. I scrambled to my feet, sliding on the debris, and ran for the first workstation. Beyond the first workstation the room blacked out and I turned my flashlight back on and started to make my way to the side room where the quality control people worked. I was almost to the workstation when I was hit by a paintball. I was too scared to remember the second paintball, I needed to calm down so that I could try to focus on what happened next in the book. The paintball hit square in my upper back. I'd definitely be bruised. I dropped to the floor and put the workstation between me and Clyde.

I heard Kloughn give an unearthly blood-curdling shriek, the candlelight went out, and then everything was quiet. I was guessing that Clyde didn't want to chance going through the broken window. He was going to have to go back to the hall and enter the warehouse through the door at the end of the adjoining corridor. That gave me some time. I crossed the room as fast as I could, creeping along low to the ground. Sure enough, there was the gun at the workstation, like I knew it would be. I slid my knife into the back pocket of my jeans and looked at the gun, it was a six-shot revolver and it was loaded. I backed myself into the test room and closed the door. I took up a position behind a desk, kneeling with my forearms resting on the desk, holding the gun out. I was doing deep controlled breaths, telling myself to focus, to be a professional. I knew that Clyde was going to come through that door and shoot me. I thought about it for a second before turning on my flashlight and setting it on the desk pointing at the door. I went and stood off to the side.

I heard the door open and I shouted for Clyde to stop. I saw Clyde take a shot towards the light with his real gun now, I'm guessing he was done with the paintball gun. I pointed my gun at him and shot. Clyde spun as a bullet hit his side and he fired off another shot that hit my shoulder. I shot again, this time hitting him between the eyes. I saw him drop. I heard something scuff in the direction of the door and I knew it was Ranger and the rest of the guys.

I was still holding tight to the gun when Ranger entered the room. He looked down at Clyde and then at me. I dropped the gun to the ground and took a step towards Ranger. He grabbed me and pulled me tight against him. I took a deep breath and then wrapped my arms around him. I felt better, besides the burning in my shoulder. I was hoping to avoid that. I pulled away and looked at Ranger before looking behind him. Ranger had two men with him. Cal and Junior.

"Anyone else in the building?" Ranger said.

"He has Albert Kloughn tied up with a bomb strapped to his chest in one of the offices. He said he had another hostage. I'm pretty sure it's Lula. I didn't find her."

My knees gave out and I sort of sunk into Ranger, I held in the tears that wanted to escape but just barely. He had his arms tight around me, holding me to him. He sent Junior in search of the mechanical room to get the lights back on. He sent Cal to search for Lula, not once asking me how I knew it was her if I hadn't found her. Then he called Morelli.

"I've got Stephanie, " Ranger said. "She's safe, but there's a hostage unfound and a hostage potentially carrying a bomb. I haven't seen the bomb. I'm going to check it out now."

The lights flickered on. Every light flashed on at full power and we got a better look at Clyde. He was lying face up. The monster was gone and Clyde looked very ordinary in death. In fact, he looked oddly peaceful. Except for the hole through his head.

"Help," Albert Kloughn said. His voice was barely a whisper. We all turned and stared at him, strapped to his chair on the other side of the warehouse. His face was red and he looked like he wasn't going to live long enough for the bomb to explode. I couldn't for the life of me remember if the bomb was real or not, my brain was still on overload and not working very well due to fear.

"Try not to move, " Ranger said to Kloughn. "I'm coming around to take a closer look."

We all followed after Ranger, watching from the hall while Ranger went into the office.

"I think it's a dummy, " Ranger said, "but I'm not an expert." He took out a pocketknife and cut the duct tape away from Kloughn's ankles. He sliced into the tape binding Kloughn to the chair. "I'm not going to touch the device you've got strapped to your chest," Ranger said. "Stay here in the chair until the police get here with a demolition team."

Rangers walkie-talkie chirped. It was Cal. "You have to see this," he said. "I think I found the second hostage. I'm in the lunchroom."

We left Junior with Kloughn and we followed the hall to the lunchroom. Cal was standing hands on hips, smiling up at Lula. She was swinging like a giant piñata from a rope attached to a ceiling fan. She was still wearing the poison green top and the yellow stretch pants and her feet were treading air about fifteen feet off the ground. Her arms were duct-taped to her sides and she had duct tape across her mouth. A thick rope was wrapped around and threaded through the duct tape on her body and then looped around the fan. She had the beady little charging bull eyes, she was making angry mmmmrf mmrff sounds under the duct tape, and she was kicking her feet. Plaster dust was sifting down on her head from the ceiling fixture.

Rangers face creased into a smile. "I love my job," he said.

"He must have gotten her up there with a forklift," Cal said. "There's one parked down the hall. Do you want me to drive it down here?"

"Don't need it," Ranger said, shoving a table under Lula, climbing onto the table. Her feet were still swinging in the air and she was still kicking.

"You kick me and I'm leaving you here," Ranger said. "Hmmph, " Lula said under the duct tape.

Ranger worked at the rope with his knife, the rope gave, and Lula dropped onto the table. Cal reached out to support her and the two of them went to the floor.

I ripped the tape off Lula's mouth and Ranger cut the tape that was binding her arms.

"I was drugged!" Lula said. "Do you believe it? I was taking the garbage out and he shot me in the ass with a dart. That little shit, Clyde. Next thing I know I'm swinging around from the ceiling. I'm beside myself. I'm in a state. I didn't know what to think. I saw some kinky shit when I was a ho, but I never did anything like this." She looked around, wild-eyed. "I need something to eat. This here's an eating situation." She spied the vending machine and stormed across the room. "I need money. I need quarters or dollars, or something. Omigod, they got Twinkies in here. I need a Twinkie real bad."

"What about the supermodel diet?" I asked Lula.

"Fuck that. I hate those boney-ass supermodels anyway. I don't know what I was thinking." Lula was shaking the vending machine.

"Who's got a hammer?" she asked. "Somebody help me out here."

Ranger slid a dollar into the machine and Lula punched the button.

"Hello, Twinkie, " she said. "I'm coming home. Lula's back in town."

I smiled at Lula and then winced when I moved my shoulder. Ranger of course noticed and came over to me and looked at my shoulder.

"He shot you?" Ranger asked.

"Kinda." I said, looking at Ranger and then sighing. "You're going to make me go to the hospital aren't you?"

"Babe." Ranger said, and I took it to mean 'do you even have to ask'.

**AN: Okay I know I said this would be the last chapter and that she was going to tell Ranger everything, but it just didn't work out that way. So the next chapter is the last, honest. Pictures of the outfit Steph wore and the car she bought are on my profile. Reviews are love.**


	29. Chapter 29

**AN: This is the last chapter. Finally. I hope you like it. I'm am working on the sequel, right now. I don't know when I'll have it up but I will try to get the first chapter up as soon as possible. Review and let me know what you think of my last chapter and my story overall. I want to thank everyone who reviewed my story. Reading your reviews and knowing that you are liking my story is usually the highlight of my day. Thanks for reading my story, I hope you all read the sequel as well. Enjoy the final chapter of Not Quite Right. **

**Not Quite Right**

By

Kole

_Previously…_

_I smiled at Lula and then winced when I moved my shoulder. Ranger of course noticed and came over to me and looked at my shoulder._

"_He shot you?" Ranger asked._

"_Kinda." I said, looking at Ranger and then sighing. "You're going to make me go to the hospital aren't you?"_

"_Babe." Ranger said, and I took it to mean 'do you even have to ask'. _

Chapter 29

Ranger stayed with me while I was at the hospital, getting the bullet removed and stitches. Clyde had hit me in the same arm as Fisher Cat, I wasn't really sure what they had against my arm but I hated them right now. Even if they were dead.

It was close to midnight when Ranger drove me to my apartment. He went in first and checked it for bad guys or the boogeyman, I'm not sure which. I noticed that my gun and cell phone were sitting on the kitchen table. I'm guessing Clyde took my gun off me as soon as I hit the ground.

"I'm going to go get a shower." I said, walking past Ranger. I went in the bathroom and took my clothes off. I was going to have to throw my shirt out, it was covered in paint and blood. I got a quick shower and got out feeling much better. I pulled on some pajamas and socks and then went back into the living room. Ranger was still there waiting for me. I knew we were going to have to talk now. About everything.

"Really, Babe?" Ranger asked, nodding at my feet. I looked down and smiled. I was wearing Batman socks.

"What? I couldn't help myself, I had to buy them." I said, smiling up at him. I saw his lips pull up slightly into a small for a second before it was gone. Then his blank face slid away and Ranger looked…wow. All his emotions showed on his face, in his eyes. Fear, relief, happiness, and confusion.

"You scared me Babe." Ranger told me. "I heard the phone drop and I heard a couple of bangs and then a door slam in the distance. I hung up and called Cal and Junior. They ran up to your apartment and checked. When they told me your phone and gun were lying on the floor and you were gone, I was scared. I was already pulling into your lot by the time Cal had finished telling me everything."

I was slightly stunned, Ranger was scared for me. I knew he loved Stephanie but it was still weird to hear. It also made me a little sad to think that he cared so much for someone that wasn't me, and I wasn't sure if she was ever coming back. I just hoped that Ranger would still want to be in my life once I told him I wasn't Steph.

Ranger took a deep breath before continuing, "I was considering sending them both to a third world country. I still am. I cant believe they let Clyde get past them. They were supposed to be keeping you safe." Ranger looked angry and guilty. It was weird that Ranger was telling me all of this and it was also weird that he didn't have his blank face on.

"Please don't send them to a third world country. I kinda like em here" I said, with a small smile. "I'm sorry I scared you. I was calling you because I didn't want to be alone tonight, I knew-I felt like something bad was going to happen." I told him, correcting myself before I told him that I knew Clyde was going to kidnap me tonight. I was going to tell him but I thought it might be better to start at the beginning.

"You knew? You knew Clyde was going to kidnap you, you knew he was behind it this whole time. I went right to TriBro after leaving your apartment, I sent some guys to check out Clyde's house, but he was the first person I thought of because you have been saying it was him throughout this whole case. It's almost as if you didn't even suspect it was him, you just knew." Ranger said, then he sighed and looked at me with confusion. "Babe, I'm not stupid. I realize there is something going on, you've been acting strange and different. Good different, but definitely different. I just want to know what's going on. The truth Babe, please."

Shit, I could understand what Steph meant when she said she couldn't say no to Ranger when he said please. It was odd hearing it come from his mouth. And everything he said, I knew he knew something was going on and I was going to tell him. Right now. I was a little surprised he held off on asking me though.

"The truth. Okay. Well, I…." I started and then looked away and took a deep breath. I started pacing as I continued. "I seem different because I am different. As in a completely different person different. I'm not Steph. I mean I'm starting to feel like her but I'm not her. My name is Kole Peirce and….and I woke up in Stephanie's body that day at the hospital. Stephanie, you, this world, it's all part of a book in my world. I know it sounds crazy. It is crazy and that's why I didn't tell you before, I needed you to see that there was something different about me. I didn't think you would believe me unless you saw for yourself and I know you still might not believe me, but you need to know the truth. I wanted you to know the truth."

I finished talking, happy that he hadn't interrupted me and relived to finally have told Ranger the truth. I stopped pacing and looked over at Ranger. He had his blank face on. I wasn't expecting anything else.

"I'm sorry." I told him, as tears filled me eyes. Now that he knew, he wouldn't want anything to do with me. I had loved him before I was Stephanie and now, now that I had spent time with him, talked to him, seen him for real, I was completely in love with him.

Ranger looked at me for a few more seconds before turning and walking out of my apartment. I felt my heart break as the door closed. Tears started streaming down my cheek, but I couldn't blame anyone but myself. I should of told him sooner.

I was still standing there crying when I heard the door open. I looked up and Ranger was standing in front of me. He brought his hand up and wiped the tears off my cheek.

Ranger was looking in my eyes and said "Babe."

I wasn't sure what was going to happen next, but at least I knew now that Ranger wasn't going to kick me out of his life. I don't know what he's thinking or feeling, but I planned to find out. After all, I wasn't the only one acting strange.

**AN: I had a hard time writing this, just because I didn't want this story to end. I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I will try to post a little note on here when I put up the sequel to let you all know. Thanks for reading. LoveASkoner**


	30. Chapter 30: AN

**AN: I am just posting this to let you know that the sequel of this story is up. It is titled Relatively Speaking. Check it out and let me know what you think. Thank you for reading my story. **

**-Love A Skoner**


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